Month: June 2019

1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 49: Don’t Become Discouraged.

It’s easy to become discouraged, and to fall into a deeply depressive state, if we continually dwell upon all the death and destruction that takes place on daily basis, all around us at all times. There are many, many horrible deeds being consciously committed by many people, and there are also many small acts of ignorance which we all commit just as frequently, which cause a big impact on ourselves and on our planet in the long run, such as our extreme use of plastic, as well as our contribution to consumer culture. There is simply no escaping it, is how we often feel. We feel like there’s no way to go against the system, and that, if there’s no way of easing the people’s pain, or at least our own, then does life really have a point, does it hold any meaning? Is there any value in enjoying life while millions of others, human and non-human alike, suffer at the same time? Can we ever be free of fear in the face of a possible disease or an early and unexpected death? Must we be always alert, paranoid about whether death is just around the corner, constantly worried sick about the well-being of those we love, imagining the worst of possibilities whenever they come home a bit late or something like that? I never felt like this in Canada, but I often feel like this now, here in Honduras, when Maria goes to work in the mornings, since I join her there later in the day. I wonder if she’s okay all the way, and so I make sure I have her call me every day when she gets to work. We got another cell phone in order to make this happen, before we just had the one for both. But is this healthy? Is it good to be afraid of the world and of its unexpected dangers? Of car crashes or robberies and killings? Nowadays, thousands of people go watch a movie or attend a concert and they end up getting blasted on and killed by some psychopathic maniac. But is this an excuse to live in fear? Crime is very high here in Honduras, but I still don’t think it’s an excuse. One must have faith, in God is what I believe, but if you’re unsure of God as a concept at least you can have faith in the inherent goodness of the world, if you think of it reasonably. There is duality, yes, but the Spirit which inhabits our bodies is made up of all the attributes of the greatest good, and it cannot be shaken by duality. We can only believe ourselves defeated by life’s tragedies, if we are drowning in ignorance, leading us to forget our truly divine nature which is above such petty pleasures and pains. We shouldn’t focus on worry, on anxiety, on panic or frustration. We should focus on cultivating an unbreakable inner calm, a peace which is true and which pervades our entire life. We need to make this our priority, and we must come to love life, along with all its inescapable and painful situations, to be at peace with the process of life, and with everything it includes, to be grateful to be here, to be now, in this moment, to be alive. Once we truly feel this way, we will understand that, even with all the pain, even with all the evil we human beings are capable of, even with all the terrible crimes we’ve committed in the past, there is something within all of us which is beyond evil, which can break its chains, which can free us from bondage to our lower nature, to our sensual desires, to our lust and our greed and selfish satisfaction. We are trapped to these things, the great majority of us, yet we don’t try to break free. We are comfortable in our prison cells, and most of us have even decorated over the bars, we have become used to our posters, the decorations we’ve placed over the iron bars, and we’ve come to forget them. We don’t know we are locked up in physical existence, we don’t know that there’s more to us outside of this. We laugh at those who suggest this, we doubt the human spirit, we are quick to doubt ourselves, to harshly judge ourselves and others. Although we might not judge ourselves in front of others in order to pretend as if we have it all together, to keep our image, our identity, the real Self can never be lied to, and since within ourselves we know that we are wrong in whatever aspect of our lives, we judge ourselves and we feel guilty and ashamed. We become insecure, we develop and extreme mistrust for others, we become anti-social. We begin to project our fear onto everything, and all of a sudden life has become a great deception, something barely worth living, something we must simply endure, since we cannot take our own lives. We question existence, and just maybe it might be all completely random, totally pointless and stupid. We fail to understand that things are much deeper than what we perceive, and that we all suffer in this life, mostly because we wish things were different, we argue with life, we don’t look at things properly, we make the wrong decisions, we act impulsively, we do things for our own satisfaction, we give in to destructive vices and sacrifice our long-term health, sanity, and dignity. We all want to do everything we feel like, without knowing the impact it will have on ourselves and those around us, not to mention everyone else living life, since we are all one. Then we complain about the consequences, we act as if actions had no reactions, as if there were no principle of Cause and Effect. But this is something which is known since ancient times, and today, during the internet era, when we have access to so much information from so many different sources, ancient as well as contemporary, the fact that most of us don’t research this kind of information and take the time to learn from it is really great proof of our profound state of ignorance, which is the same exact cause as that of every single problem or disease which I mentioned during this post, and which most of us can see around us, which cause so much suffering for so many. What we need to do is to remain conscious of our true nature, and to focus on becoming free from the chains of ignorance.

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 50.

~ Rebel Spirit

1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 48: Nothing Will Change By Wishing.

Heaven and hell, some believe are states of mind, that we can reach at any time. Some say we will reach them after we’ve finally left this world behind. We have the Light within ourselves yet we always try to shine, externally, to fulfill a longing that persists eternally, we’re on a constant quest to find, connection, first we need a bit of introspection, before the world we can dream to conquest. We need to do the necessary work with no exception, until we can rise again just like Jesus’ resurrection. To carry the cross to our own death, to leave the palace privileges behind like Buddha, in order to live among the people, the poor, with their many diseases and infections, to work on work of the breath, Pranayama, on concentration and whatever’s left, after feeling has vanished and thought has totally left. Who can find heaven on earth? Who has even a recollection, of his past life, who can remain loyal to God’s goodness as a faithful husband to his loving wife? Who has the most minimal clue of what life is actually worth? Have we found any true connection with the source, or affinity with the living and loving force which animates the bodies we inhabit? How many of us have taken the time to analyze and change our most familiar habits? The habits which we need to change, to take the time to rearrange, our life, at first it’s bound to seem so strange, but you’ll find another range, of vision now becomes clear, you feel you’re on a mission, fear begins to lessen, every obstacle becomes a lesson, which is in itself a blessing, of the highest degree. As we see the Self in others and ourselves, we become free. Free of doubt, truly understanding what the Soul’s about. Spirit, however you’d like to call it. A blessing so rich, wealth that can’t fit in a wallet, even if it’s in a bank card, beyond the thrill of an alcoholic, or an addict of drugs, the source of unlimited love, the light that shines in the heart of even the hardest thug. It cannot be extinguished for good, embrace it is exactly what we all should, and indeed need to do, if we wish to succeed. Is success heaven? Not material success? You could argue for the side of no, or either for the side of yes. Fame and money bring stress. Is this how you would define it? Success to you is all about shining, diamonds, fine and expensive attire, is this why you work so hard and can never retire? Is it the money you’re connected to, so mentally wired? Is that the highest reason that you have to get inspired? Don’t chase wealth, but take care of your health. Don’t chase paper, it comes and it goes. Time goes and never comes back, as far as anyone knows. To death and annihilation, we’re all at all times exposed. So we might as well do it on our own, and follow it as the path we chose. The path of doing what’s right, of shining a light, of being a blessing, a bright, and shining guide to the blind with no sight, to the dumb and deaf, understand their spirit never left. It’s been living through the centuries, and even milennia, through us all. Help your brother up when you see him fall, don’t laugh at him while he’s down and you stand tall. Heaven? Nirvana? Do you know if it’s now or then? Is it today or tomorrow, is it here or there? Who knows? But what we do know, is that life on this earth short, and we can’t go through it as if it’s a simple hobby, we need to pretend we’re professionals at our favorite sport. We need to take it seriously, to understand our situation. We can inspire an entire generation, with the words and deeds which we bring into formation. We can never escape duality, but we can play an immense part in creating our own reality, and thereby affecting those of those around us, so we can stop feeling so lost and finally see that it was God who found us. Stop thinking of the future, of the gift you will receive. Stop thinking of your own self being rewarded, feel the pain when others grieve. Treat the world as your own Spirit. Keep this realization in your mind like your favorite musical lyrics, keep it in your attention, can heaven escape you if you are at peace with who you are? Do you know how to be anything else? We have all made mistakes, and we are sure to make more. Life is very unpredictable still, we don’t know what’s in store. But we can make less mistakes, and ensure we will suffer less. Bad things will happen still, nevertheless. Yet we leave it in God’s hands, we never worry since it’s all in God’s plan. All we can do is find a way to portray what righteousness means to a world that has gone astray. Every religion or race can find wisdom, within their own religious and spiritual system. But the vast mass of world civilians, has no clue of their true nature, people in the millions. We feel trapped, under the stress of work and bills, under the fear of going out and being killed, due to the neighborhoods we live in, we are tempted by all forms of evil so we give in, and we participate, we descend lower and lower instead of elevate. We conform and we’re okay with being mediocre, but never great. We see life as a horrible fate, which we just can’t escape. We feel constant suffering, hunger. We feel the world on our shoulders, holding us down, keeping us under. Drugged and sedated, we love and we hate it, we endlessly cry, we look up and complain to the sky. Isn’t this pure hell? Ignorance of our true nature, giving in to such suffering, wailing and wishing that things wouldn’t be the way they are. Nothing can change by wishing, whether to God or on a star.

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 49.

~ Rebel Spirit

1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 47: Where Can We Find Meaning?

Everyone’s faces show signs of severe stress, like life is a mess, completely meaningless. I believe it’s not, but some say yes. Either way we all wish and wish for more, but in the end it just feels like less. It often only feels like another loss, like another challenge, another test. We don’t know why we’re falling apart, still we seldom take time to sleep, to rest, to truly live life in the best, way we know how, and our attitude is can’t nobody tell me nothin’ like Kanye West, only getting high like Mount Everest. Some are searching in the East, some hold on to the West. Some aren’t searching at all, they don’t want to see the pain. For them, life is nothing but a silly game, and so it doesn’t matter anyhow, where we will eventually go and from where we came. We’re just killing time, waiting for the time to take a bow, and to finally leave, some are wishing that time was right now. Some make it happen, they say, Let our families grieve, the seasons pass like autumn leaves, we continually shut ourselves away because we dread the day we’ll be deceived. Let it end, let’s stop this false and pretend, let it end, let me go to where I don’t feel bad for having no friends. This mentality arises as we strive to live a lie. Only getting high, because we feel low, with nowhere to go, looking high and low, our accountability we deny. Life isn’t what we thought, it’s all show, but yet it’s all we got. We thought we knew, yet we don’t know a damn thing, have we forgot? Did we ever know at all? None of us can stop the clock. Time is ticking, people pass, always searching for greener grass. Never will they get the chance to sit back, relax, and enjoy at last. We all wish that we could ease the stress and sing, we wish to let ourselves go, and that we could fly but never fall, with a pair heavenly wings. We would love to lose ourselves in a trance, to feel free to forever dance, to indulge in the sins of this life, but that they didn’t have to sting. We want to soar the skies, we try to transform like caterpillars into beautiful butterflies. We’re tired of seeing sadness, and listening to lies, while the hatred all around the world seems to be on a constant rise. But we never change, we try to make a mental picture of the world, we attempt to rearrange, the facts and the lies, to fit our point of view. We complain and we point out all the evil all the others do. But there are no others, just sisters and brothers. We need to be the change we wish to see, to be the lovers, who can manifest this great force. We need to speak what’s real, and then to remain real, with no remorse. We need to connect to the source, but for that we need to stop trying, of course. We all want to be the man, like Van, but what we don’t understand, is that we can’t do the right thing unless we’re guided by God Almighty’s hand. Any other attempt is damned. Without this divine power we’ll never be strong enough to take a stand. But look back at the struggles you’ve survived, look at all the helping hands, look at your parents, cheering you on, your biggest fans. Keep on moving like Bob Marley, and don’t look back at how many miles you ran. Just continue living in love, all throughout your lifespan. and give thanks to God, within and above. Even when sometimes it feels like you’re stuck in a labyrinth like Pam. You have to take control, because in a way, no one really gives a damn. They would if they could, and it’s not clear if they should, yet we can’t moan about it, it’s good for this to be fully understood. We all have to take responsibility for our actions, until we find that, apart from God, there’s simply no sincere satisfaction. Then we will, give in to the divine will, then we will follow what we know to be right. Then we’ll be like eagles, soaring high, up in the sky in flight. We’ll shine like the sun in the day, with no fear of the night, we’ll remain at peace, even if life becomes a fight. We’ll live in the moment, we won’t wish for more. We won’t see life as a competition, we’ll stop keeping score. We won’t hold grudges, we’ll have our own system. We’ll talk a lot less, and we’ll simply sit and listen. We won’t be sucked in to the sorrows of the world. We’ll devote ourselves to loving our little boys and girls, to providing them with everything they need, not just to survive, but to thrive, to live with integrity, not only to stay alive. For what is life, for a new generation of slaves to greed? Are more selfish human beings really what this planet needs? Do we need more lust? Is more violence a must? Do we have to teach our children that it pays to be unjust? Smile, life is only here for a little while, my life isn’t mine, neither is my wife or my child. I thank God for everything he’s given, and I acknowledge that God I wouldn’t be living. I humbly seek to learn from my mistakes, so that I won’t repeat. For me the meaning of life is to grow, to seek to know when to be quiet and when to speak. Life is a fun adventure, but it can’t be denied that it’s deep. For those us trying to climb the corporate ladder, or to reach happiness through the path of wealth and fame, the climb is steep, and the ball will always roll them back down, never to finish. We need to reconnect with our love for life, so that its divinity will stop being diminished. 

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 48.

~ Rebel Spirit 

1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 46: Renunciation, Annihilation of the Will.

The whole human race, ashamed, afraid to look at each other’s face. Living to cause death, only killing time and taking up space. Some of us wish that we could disappear from the life we know, without a trace. We’re ready to throw the towel in, what a disgrace. We must use the past as motivation for the future, that’s why it can never be erased. But since we don’t know its purpose, when we recollect, the soul is suffering, the spirit is experiencing sorrow. We can’t live in the present, mentally stuck on the pain of the past, on a violent vision of a possible tomorrow. This is the danger of dwelling on a vision of illusion, which is the main cause for decisions that are made in delusion. We try to keep the mind steady, but the media has a plan of perfect intrusion. We need to remain focused on the real, to everything else’s exclusion. Their plan has been thought up in order to invade, to cast a dark and detrimental shade over everything that God has lovingly made. Some do it for pleasure and some are paid, they cause harm and agony, they gain their money from tearing apart an entire family. Their plan is to confuse creation, to enslave an entire generation, to have children thinking that they belong to a certain nation. We still haven’t realized the treasure, the amazing treasure that lies beyond pain and even all pleasure. We’ve learned and remained patient, yet we still haven’t understood the greatest annihilation, which is that of our own will and determination. The human will that causes people to be raped and killed, with no hesitation. The will is used for the purpose of implementing the interests of the greedy, within this corrupt system which will always need the needy. Why don’t things change already? Are we ready for change? Evil is on the rise, steady, coming up in popularity, where can we witness charity, where can we hide from humanity’s apparent demise? Where are those people on the pursuit of what is holy? Those who follow the inner Light only, who know the way, who attempt to further emancipate the minds of the masses every day. Where is the man who sits and talks to God at night, searching for direction? Alone, in the plane of heavenly peace, his soul starts to take flight, he is shown what must be done for correction. The realms of reality are familiar to him. The angels become his closest kin, he sees the nature and meaning of sin. He comes to recognize the rich reward for true renunciation, which can only be the greatest state of elevation. Levitation, calm, above pain, knowing that we are something much more than our nationality and name. Much more than what we’ve done, much bigger than the place from which we came, much brighter than the sun, much more complex than our father and mother’s son. We come from the essence, the fire that burns within all souls. Unfortunately we now live in profound ignorance of the power we all hold. That’s why we search but never find, we desperately try to take control. That’s why demons harass our minds, why we have trouble when trying to sleep, we feel empty and cold. Why we often don’t even know why we weep, these tears we can’t hold, so we let them flow. We remain at the surface, since we’re scared to go deep. To explore what subconsciously drives us, to understand what lies behind perception’s doors, what secrets do the mysteries keep, what do we hold in this mental store, aren’t you willing to take a peek? Connect with the source of all love and respect, the highest source from above, keep yourself in check, look beyond the intellect. Wisdom lies in seeing through, what’s ordinary to me and you, in seeing the essence, in understanding the significance of presence. Life is all a series of lessons, and even the toughest of tribulations are blessings, moments of incredible inspiration must be understood as divine presents. Let’s appreciate life, who we are, let’s understand that we don’t need to be celebrities or stars, in order to shine, we don’t need to get ahead in order not to fall behind. Life is not a competition, you can only outdo your past self. So let go of the fear, nurture your vision, set a goal for your mission, and take your skills off the shelf. Give life all you got, keep on moving and never stop, even when you look around you and you see the people’s hearts drop. Remain strong, along the way a lot of things are bound to go wrong. Use the pain, use the struggle, to gain, to learn to remain untroubled, to remain in God, even in the worst situations, to remain centered in your mind, and to refrain from useless conversation. We transmit consciousness through our brains like radio stations, we pick up the signal and we perceive it. We see, so we believe it. But often the realest things are those unseen, the symbolism hidden in our dreams. Sometimes we need to disconnect, from the stress and we need to realize that, yes, it is true what they say, the answer’s always been inside. Look inside, accept your limitations, there is nothing to hide. Life is a journey of self-realization. We all have problems and we all have expectations. But we don’t need these things. There are no problems if there are no expectations. Be yourself always, be honest with yourself, work on yourself, start a revolution in your own mind, this is all any of us can do. We can start a personal revolution, in order to inspire others to continue this spiritual evolution. Perhaps we can bring some good to this earth. Perhaps more people can wake up and see what life is truly worth. So, another thousand words are posted, now it’s time for me to go get toasted, to relax, and enjoy the now. Tomorrow’s a new day anyhow.

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 47.

~ Rebel Spirit

1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 45: The Incredible Power of Words.

Writing since I recognize the power of words. Nowadays I try to refrain at all times from saying things that are absurd. I question what I hear now, and what I’ve previously heard. Though I try to live in the moment, not attached to what has already occurred. Words contain power, by the power of words the world is ours. Words can lead to life or death, they can leave our mouth feeling sweet or sour. Or sometimes both, sometimes what needs to be said hurts. But it is needed. Sometimes words can get us high, like getting weeded. Sometimes words can lift us up, but they can also be used to destroy. Nowadays we treat the word as if it were nothing but a toy. We don’t understand the consequences of what we say. We think tomorrow won’t be affected by the words of today. We babble on about nonsense, it’s all a funny game we play. Yet we’ve forgotten how to communicate at the end of the day. When we’re alone, at home, no one calling on the phone, no text, just thinking about life and what may come next. Who can we talk to? Who can we tell. We all have a false identity we’re trying to sell. The ideal buyer is ourselves, but we don’t buy it. We know we can’t fool ourselves, but still we try it. We know we have a problem, yet we continue to deny it. Life seems like a plane about to crash, we just can’t fly it. So we talk to no one, we hold it all in. We don’t even write it all down with a pen. We don’t trust our closest friends, or even the members of our own kin. We can’t speak, we’re afraid to lose, so we’re bound to never win. We’re afraid to say what we believe, we only speak to grieve, to moan and to whine, we only open our mouths to fill our bellies with wine. With liquor, so the words that we speak become sicker, and harsher and harmful. They harm ourselves and others. It all starts out innocently yet it ends with fighting among brothers. Since we need to be drunk to say what we really mean, now we want to be the ones to speak, and so we act mean. We need to get our feelings out while we’re in this dream, because we couldn’t do it if we were just sober and clean. We speak the wrong words, only seeking glorification. We criticize our friends, our family, our nation. We follow all the worst trends of our generation. We moan about the weather and about our education. Yet others would kill to live as we do. We stick to our beliefs as if only they were true. We’re living in a bubble, and your words are bound to be misunderstood. With words, the most tremendous evil can be portrayed as good. Crowds convinced of the necessity to murder whole races. We’re all dying of fear inside but we see a smile on each other’s faces. We can’t be real, we can’t be vulnerable, we can’t be free. We have to be the hardest, we have to make everyone believe we’re exactly who they want to be. But we’re locked in a prison, our words become hell. We have nothing but our hidden frustration to show and tell. So we speak hatred in every direction, we curse because we have to wait at an intersection, we complain and we complain, and those around us are receiving a constant injection, of negativity into their minds, we spread it throughout the planet. Then evil comes back around to haunt us, and then we complain because we can’t understand it. We promote violence and division in our music, then we’re sad when we lose those we love. We think we can make a mockery of God above. We use our words to hate, to intimidate, to lie, to cheat. But what if we would bestow a blessing upon every person we meet? Words are energy, they never die. Words are constantly influencing you and I. Words, knowledge, wisdom, keep ideas moving through history. Words are the closest we can come to unraveling life’s mysteries. We need to speak to understand, to ask, to question and to listen. We don’t need to speak to promote our own selfish system. Too many opinions, too much empty talk. We need to be true to our word, it must be solid as a rock. We need to speak the truth even if it leaves our audience in shock. Because a hidden force will back us up, preventing us from being blocked. We shall achieve what we must, if we have divine trust, maybe our words can resonate with people millions of years after we ourselves have turned to dust. Words continue to inspire, words can transmit our love, our fire, to the minds of those who are haunted by the need for knowledge, who crave wisdom as their highest desire. We are free to speak rude words, to offend people, to seek to break people down, yet we would only be bringing ourselves down more than anyone else. The words we speak are only reflections of our own energy, and when we truly start to follow a righteous path, we will understand how useless it is to speak unnecessary words, or words that hurt people for no reason, or jokes which promote evil thoughts. Become purified, be forgiven for every time you lied. Now you are free to live, to be faithful to the truth, to give it your all, your purest intention. Determined, do what you must, speak what you must, write what you must, keep a record of your life, keep a record of your thoughts, keep a record of your habits. Create poetry and philosophy, create stories which teach morals to people, lecture and don’t try to promote yourself or your own philosophy, don’t try to gain anything from it. Simply and humbly speak the truth to whoever you can, realize how much power your words have.

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 46.

~ Rebel Spirit

1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 44: Mentality Matures as we Grow and Learn.

Throughout my lifetime I’ve held many very different ideas at many different times. At a certain point I was determined to make it big as a rapper, to tour the world as a superstar and make incredibly popular music. I had a belief that nobody could stop me if I really set my mind to it. I still believe this, yet in my younger days, way, way back in the day, there simply was no doubt in my mind about whether I was going to make it or not. I was going to make it, without a doubt, because I had to. I grew up in a very ethical household, my parents really taught me most of the positive values and habits that make me who I am today. I strayed from their teachings from years, and I still do in some ways, but nowhere nearly as much as I did before. In my adolescent mind, their entire worldview was simply wrong. I didn’t give it much though though, I just didn’t follow it. I followed my own rules, which often meant breaking many rules, both imposed by my parents and by the law. I had no idea about people who try to live a life of righteousness to the best of their ability, I gave no thought to the deeper side of life, to all suffering that surrounds us, to how we must all do our best to uplift each other and to ease each other’s suffering. I did acknowledge all the suffering and evil in the world, but I only used my music to lash out at society, to blame the government or whoever is really running things, or to promote myself and my own ideas about not trusting anyone, about keeping your circle small and keeping it real and not fucking around with me. I was busy causing suffering myself, by stealing, whether sweaters at the mall or candy at the dollar store, or by fighting in the street or at school, or arguing at home, or disobeying and disregarding my parents and the way they felt about things. I was so inconsiderate, and I see that it was due to my mindset which had become completely corrupt. I was attempting to recreate a mental image that I had of myself, or rather who I thought I was, and I was acting out in unnecessary ways, always wanting to be the craziest one, the one who does the craziest shit or gets the most fucked up. I tried so many different drugs back in those days. I can’t say I’m done with all of them, but at least I don’t do them indiscriminately anymore, in big quantities and doses, mixing different kinds of substances. I’ve always done my research on these things, and by learning and experience I’ve come to learn what the differences are between many different kinds of psychoactive effects, which substances can be positive and not harm one’s body or mind, and which are simply poison, including crack/cocaine as well as most pharmaceuticals. I can’t say I regret my past, as I have learned a lot, and I’ve had a lot of good times. Pain and suffering, even ignorance, are all part of one’s life, at some times more than others. We usually mature as we age, as we learn, as we live and grow. This has been true for me. Perhaps I still got a long way to go in the process, but at least I’ve come this far. I no longer make music without attempting to provide a solution to the problems I address, I know longer party or try to hook up with random girls, since I’m not married and also don’t drink, probably for about a hundred days now. I can save more money, I don’t have to act a fool on a regular basis, and I don’t have to have my sadhana constantly interrupted by periods of guilt, shame, disgust, plus a terrible hangover and all it includes. I feel that I’ve done quite enough drinking in my life, and at this point I only smoke chronic, plus indulge in a productive psychedelic trip once in a while, in the comfortable set and setting of my own home, with my wife accompanying me, or sometimes as she sleeps. One must respect these substances and understand that partaking in drugs, even psychedelics, is no game. Psychedelics are more unpredictable than other kinds of drugs, and the trip they take a person on highly depends on one’s mindset, and set and their setting, as well as one’s expectations and underlying beliefs about the nature of the psychedelic experience. One must be fully aware in order to become totally immersed in a mystical psychedelic experience and reap the benefits of it afterward, if determination is applied to the trip’s revelations. I guess I can say I’ve changed a lot, for the better, over the years, partly by naturally maturing, and by reconsidering some of my parent’s advice, partly understanding that we all are on a search for God, for transcendence, and some of these realizations have become deeply ingrained in my consciousness because of my psychedelic trips throughout the years. I now read more, I research, I try not to talk about much nonsense, or indulge in petty or destructive conversation. I try to be constructive with all I do, and sometimes I fail at it, as old habits prevent me from behaving in the best way I know. Self-mastery is a slow process, and it is no easy task, but it is worth it. When I realized, a few years back, the extent to which I had gone in causing my parents grief, and setting a bad example for my brothers, I felt deeply ashamed of myself for it. For a few years I was consumed by the idea of paying them back for all that had done for me, to make up for what I had not done for them, such as being a good son. In some ways I was though, and in some I wasn’t. I’m glad to say I don’t feel so guilty now, as I’ve grown and I’ve learned, my relationship with my parents has only continued to get better. I can’t wait to see them again when Maria and I fly back to Canada.

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 45.

~ Rebel Spirit

1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 43: Maintaining A Happy Marriage.

Marriage can be something really special, if approached properly. The unification of two people as one, the commitment to make things work, to keep on moving through life’s hurdles together – these things are what create a truly unbreakable bond between two people. Before I got married, I did have some doubts about whether I would be making the right decision. I was only twenty-two, and many older people told me I was way too young, that I probably wasn’t seeing things in the proper light. I did take these comments into consideration, if only briefly, yet I didn’t let them faze me or cloud my judgment. I had to make this great decision on my own, I had an amazing girlfriend who was fully committed to me, who was down to earth and down to be there for me through thick and thin. I knew that it was time for me to return back home, and she didn’t have a visa to go with me. I knew that she was a decent girl in every sense, that her family would only really accept and respect me if we were married. Otherwise, there was no chance of her travelling anywhere with me. What could I do? I could appreciate this blessing and make things official after a period of working and saving u p some money, then returning to my birth country, or I could continue my life of partying and chasing thrills and girls in Vancouver, looking for wilder and wilder experiences, finding no true connection beyond the superficial. There was no doubt that we loved each other, just as we still do, whether married or not. The idea for the wedding so early in our relationship was really so that Maria could move back to Canada with me. We’re currently waiting on the paperwork to be processed, so in a couple more months, God willing, we should be catching a plane back to Vancouver. We aren’t intimidated by the changes that may come, even if my wife has never lived in cold weather. Honduras is known for its heat, so we will probably be getting her a lot of sweaters as soon as we arrive. I say that we aren’t intimidated by the changes that may come later in life since we are committed to each other and to always pushing through no matter what life may throw at us. In life, one always has a decision to make. Everything has a deeper dimension to it, every though, every idea, every connection, relationship, love. Everything can be approached in a superficial way, analyzed from a distance, from behind our twisted ways of perceiving all that we encounter, or it can be approached with respect, with a sincere attempt to fully understand, to become one with it, to really live each experience, and to fully live life as a whole. I knew that this was the time, I knew that she was the one. I knew that if I threw this away, then I would be throwing out something priceless, someone’s true love and affection, true commitment and connection, for random possibilities, for alcoholic hookups at clubs and house parties, for lonely nights surrounded by lots of shallow and empty-headed people. I knew that I had to make my life meaningful, that I had to honor the meaningful connection which had touched both our hearts and so greatly impacted both our lives during the time we spent together in Honduras. I can see now that U made the right decision, as following what we know is truly meaningful and worth pursuing can never steer us in the wrong direction. There’s less than a month left now until we celebrate our two year anniversary, so I know I have to think of something really special, not because of any obligation, but in order to show Maria how much I appreciate everything she means to me, everything she does as she keeps her part of the deal in this marriage game. Marriage is great for spiritual work as well, a firsthand experience of merging one’s life with someone else’s. The only way it can work is if each person sacrifices some things, sometimes, in order to be in agreement with the other. Each person should learn from one another, we should learn from our wife or husband’s strengths and weaknesses, just as we should learn from our own, and we should try to gently help each other out, so that we may cut some of the suffering of life from each other’s experience, as we share every tear and every laugh together, making tragedy more bearable, making love even more glorious. Random acts of kindness, always finding an opportunity to help, always telling each other how much you mean to each other, these are things that are needed to keep love flowing. Even after marriage, one should never become lazy and suddenly stop the old habits one previously had, habits which made both of you fall in love in the first place. If the love is true then even these issues can be worked out, yet much suffering is bound to arise in a marriage if either party is unable to properly show appreciation to other, to properly communicate his or her love and affection. Marriage provides an opportunity for us to become less selfish, to see another as my self, to learn what it means to care for another human being, to sacrifice our own petty pleasures at times, in order to satisfy someone else, to make them happy, to see them smile. These things create humility, they create more love where it already exists, they create a warm atmosphere where honest communication can take place. Marriage allows two people to learn how to fully accept another person, and also how to help them change for the better, if they want to change, without forcing any beliefs or any of our own values upon them, but rather trying to understand and to create connections, through compassion and through love and understanding, through acceptance and patience, through unconditional respect and support.

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 44.

~ Rebel Spirit

1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 42: First DMT Trip, No Breakthrough.

I tried DMT today for the firs time. I had given a friend some cash the other day in order for him to get me four acid tabs. Today he came to my house, he bought some bud, we took some bong hits and chilled a bit as usual. Before that though, we quickly took a ride in his car of over to his other friend’s house, it was really close to mine. I went because it turned out that this dude had some DMT, a substance I’d always wanted to try but had never gotten a hold of, even back in Canada. Buddy gave me my four tabs and told me his friend had wanted to trade some DMT for a tab. I asked my friend some questions about how it looked and some other things, and I assumed it was the real deal since he told me it was a yellow powdery kind of crystal, a description which reminded me of the photo I’d seen on the erowid website before. I checked it out once again on my phone and decided to go for a ride. Initially I didn’t plan on taking the DMT at the guy’s house, the guy who had it. Instead, I planned on taking it home and planning a nice trip. Maybe if I had done it this way I would have had a breakthrough experience, and sadly I didn’t. Although the trip was way too short, which was expected, it did get a bit intense for a minute or two, sort of like the peak of an acid trip but a bit more animated even. When we first arrived at that guy’s house I was surprised to see that it wasn’t a party, it was just the dude there with a pipe, taking a few tokes, some open beer cans on the table. I don’t know much about DMT use, although I have used other psychedelics quite a lot. I trusted that he was telling the truth when he told me that the amount of DMT which he gave me was about the same amount’s worth as the blotter tab I gave him for it. My friend wanted to do it, and I offered him a hit for himself, since that way I could at least see how he tripped and know if it was good stuff or not. The other guy said it was better to put it in a joint with some bud, and although I remembered I had actually read online that the most effective method was a pipe, we ended up going ahead with the joint. We put the DMT around the center of it so the flame wouldn’t burn the crystals upon sparking the joint, I lit it and started taking fat hits, expecting to see spirits and kaleidoscopic patterns flooding my entire vision, expecting mystical unity with the universe, ego death, I inhaled as strong as I could and held the smoke as well. I passed to my friend who started taking fat tokes also. Instantly as soon as I lit it I started feeling an energy creeping up from my legs, from me extremities, towards my center, things started to have patterns flowing through them, colors, lines and shades, reflections all looked way more defined, the dude who traded it with me for the acid didn’t hit the joint at all, he was just telling us to stop talking and to let the experience flow. He didn’t need to tell me, I had my eyes closed, smile on my face, letting the trip take over at that point. My friend kept telling us how it was hitting him, how nice it was, a lot of things. A few minutes later everything was back to normal. The feeling was overwhelming in the beginning, and we felt that we were getting way too high, so we put out the joint. I think this might have been our main mistake, apart from smoking it in a joint in the first place. If we would have blazed that jay all the way to the dome, together, in one sitting, without putting it out, we probably could have had a breakthrough. I think I wasn’t ready for it though. Initially I had planned to just take it home, then I ended up deciding to let go into it, to do it and to just be in the moment, in the experience. I didn’t feel like waiting to try DMT for the first time, so we went ahead and did it. The second time we lit the joint, and finished it now, the DMT hit almost the same as when we smoked the first half, perhaps just a bit more lightly, since we knew what to expect at that point. Maybe I’ll get some more in the future, although I’m going to investigate a bit more first, to find out about what really contributes to whether one has a breakthrough experience or not. It seems that it would only be worth it if the experience could be that intense, seeing as acid or mushrooms last much longer. A lot of substances, mostly the psychedelic ones, can be used in a safe setting, without much risk of danger to one’s health or to those surrounding us. I’ve been using psychedelics, every few months usually, for many years, and I know there’s lots that can be learned from the trips they take us on, if we are in the right mood, at the right time in our lives, and if we can let go and stop trying to control the experience, in much the same way as we must stop our obsession with always trying to control the whole of life. Life is unexpected, just like a psychedelic trip, and the way in which we perceive it depends quite a great deal on our minds, in much the same way as a psychedelic trip as well. Do your research, learn what is needed before you even plan on indulging in any substance. Knowledge is power, education is key to correct use of these tools.

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 43.

~ Rebel Spirit 

1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 41: Don’t Take Family for Granted.

I went to my cousin’s high school graduation today. They put up a video of some childhood photos for each of the kids who were graduating. It was great seeing him happy, enjoying his graduation ceremony along with friends. I don’t remember my own graduation ceremony, since I never went. I wasn’t invited, since I got kicked out of school, and finished my high school education online. Thankfully that was an option, and it ended up being for the best anyway, since I graduated even earlier than my classmates who didn’t get expelled. Putting my own past aside though, my cousin’s ceremony really brought up a good feeling within me, a feeling of true bonding between families, of children making their parents happy, of how great it is when a child actually wants to follow the path their parents hope they will follow. I could never relate to these things, although in a way I still wish I could. I’ve always wanted to do my own thing, and it didn’t always end up with in the greatest of situations. I do know the joy that comes from a family spending time together and simply getting along though, a feeling of unconditional love and support. We often spend a lifetime searching for this in other people, searching for the group of people with whom we’ll feel comfortable, who we can be ourselves with. It turns into a crazy kind of desperation for us, even for many people who already have this love available in their family, yet have always taken it for granted. Sometimes, we feel ashamed to be ourselves with our families, since we come to feel guilty for taking, taking, taking so much without giving back even half as much. We feel as though we’ve got to pay them back for all the wonderful things they’ve done for us. Someone who is an amazing example for us of how to live life is now avoided because they we feel a deep sense of shame when we’re around them, we know that they have been there for us through the worst of times, and that they truly know us. We shouldn’t feel any shame regarding this however, our families are the few people who we can truly be vulnerable with. We can’t always trust everyone we meet, we can’t share our feelings with every person we find on the street, yet most of us are provided with people who unconditionally love and support us right from the get-go, from the moment that first breath is taken, and even before then. Yes, it’s true that sometimes parents can be a bit too controlling, but unless there is something really serious going on, physical or emotional or unspeakable kind of abuse, unless this is the case then a person has no excuse to completely disregard a parent who only wants what’s the best for them. This doesn’t mean that their advice, or their opinions, should be our own, and that they should be followed without fault even after we reach adulthood. It means, however, that we should carefully consider their ideas, sometimes people who have known us for a long time might see things about ourselves that we can’t see, being so caught up in our own personal drama, unable to look at things from a different perspective than our own. This is exactly what was going on with my parents and I during my high school years. I loved them so much, I still do and always will, and I couldn’t bear to let them know that I was completely disregarding their advice, that I was doing things, consciously doing things, which to them were completely outrageous, things that no one in their right mind would do. Looking back on some of those things, I see that in some ways they were right. In some they were wrong, and some of those habits I still have today, but a lot of times they were right. I couldn’t see they were right though, I was too blind to see what was going on in my own stupid lifestyle, so I ignored what they said, I ignored their pain and suffering because the pleasure of the trance I was caught up in was too heavy, it was too euphoric to escape from, no matter how wrong I knew I was. I think of them quietly sitting at home, suffering for my actions, the actions of an ungrateful, rebellious teenager who just couldn’t stop getting into senseless troubles. I think of my mother’s tears, of my father’s temper towards everyone at home, stressed about my situation. Ignorance is bliss, and I wasn’t there with them, suffering with them, as we are supposed to do with our family members. Instead, I was the very reason for their suffering, and I was laughing all along, laughing harder and harder to make sure I wouldn’t cry. But sometimes I would trip, and I would eventually cry. I would think back of times, such as today’s graduation, times in my own life when I saw my mother smile, proud of her firstborn son, when I heard my father cheer me on as a child. I thought back on times of severe stress, of fighting and fussing and yelling at home, of sadness and silence, of rainy days, tormented by the consequences of my own actions, the suffering doubled by the fact that I had spread it throughout my household, that I was the cause of so much pain. If only the pain was all my own, then I could deal with the consequences on my own. If only I could leave, then I would be the only one responsible, the only one held accountable, but the only one suffering, the only one enjoying and suffering. That would be just fine by me. I couldn’t wait to leave from my parents’ home and party every night and suffer every morning, alone, without thinking about reality. Such is the state of many young people, for me it’s taken a few years to even begin escaping from that state of mind, but I’m making progress. We all need help sometimes, and I know it’s tempting to behave as if we’re all along, us against the world, and that we’ll make it on our own, that we’ll show them. Keep cool though, put your pride to the side, and appreciate those who love you, even if they disagree with you, even if they annoy you. Try your best to understand them, to truly listen, especially to your family. Give them a chance, build a stronger bond, family is meant to help each other. Don’t take them for granted and always do your best to keep the peace with them.

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 42.

~ Rebel Spirit

1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 40: Stay Awake.

Stay awake until the final second, until my head falls and takes my body along with it, the movement waking me in mid-air just in time to save me from cracking my head on the floor or the edge of the table. Sometimes we stay up just to stay up, just to keep time ticking, to feel like it’s still going. We can’t simply call it a day and head to bed, or take twenty minutes to analyze our day and then head to sleep. We have time for everything other than order though. We fall asleep and we don’t remember what time we fell at sleep at, since we were already half asleep while we were still doing things, still surfing the net, nodding off. Why are we always searching for more? Why can’t we be at peace, even in our own rooms? A crazy, constant search for stimulation, a lack of appreciation of what we already have, an inability to slow down and enjoy the little things, to explore the wonders all around us. When I was younger and still living with my parents I would often come home and shut myself in my room, reading about all sorts of cool places and things to do around the world, wishing I could be somewhere else. Now, even though I absolutely love living with my wife and being independent from my parents, I do miss our moments together at my old home, all the great times we had growing up, and the great times that could have been, had I appreciated what I had. It’s sad to see it happen, yet it’s a common pattern of behavior, that as young children grow into adolescence, they become so caught up in social life, in peer pressure, in keeping up an image, in being with so-called friends at all times, always out and about, that they forget about their parents and how things used to be between them. Children’s impulsive behavior can lead them to act in risky ways, in ways that might make it seem like they don’t appreciate their parents’ dedication towards them, and it is precisely because they are growing up and feeling like they belong, like they are popular, or that their reputation is now at stake, depending on everything they do or don’t do, every event they attend or miss out on. In a teenager’s world, everyone wants to be in on everything, and it is also like this in the world of anyone who lives off of other’s impressions and ideas about them. Too many people live lives of fear, they require certain things, certain conditions to be met, during every interaction or social situation, in order to feel like they belong, in order to feel secure about who they are what they are trying to represent. People don’t know who they are, they know about their inner chaos very well, yet they haven’t taken the time to analyze it and to understand it, they haven’t done the work, and have preferred to run from it instead. Self-analysis is tough love, self-love, self-care to the highest degree. When we can be honest with ourselves, that means we have a loyal friend who we can probably trust, probably something like ninety-nine percent of the time (we all lie to ourselves sometimes, even in the smallest matters). If we can’t come to terms with all the aspects of who we are then we are forever destined to look for external meaning to no avail. Your life’s meaning can never, will never, be found externally, in some group or some organization, in becoming something new, in doing something new, in acquiring some new possession. Only you can do the necessary work, can go through the inner process, which will allow you to submit who you are, your strengths and weaknesses, to the divine will, and to trust and have faith in the process, doing your best and expecting the best out of every situation, especially every bad one. Only then will you find peace. Other than in this divine peace, there is nothing else which is peaceful outside of it. We are always searching for a high, for a thrill, for a stimulus to respond to. There is a space between stimulus and response, as Viktor Frankl stated, yet very few of us are familiar with it. In many cases we respond before the stimulus has even finished taking it effect on us. We always want more, we want to hear more, not necessarily to listen more, but then we want to talk even more, much more than we want to hear. We all believe in something, we all want others to believe in the same thing, so that others might be saved, so that others might come to know the truth, so that they may escape suffering. But we are all neurotic, we are all constantly on the move because we can’t really stand the truth, we can’t stand the silence, and the pain of solitude, we can’t stand being stripped away of all that makes our identity, of all that seems to make us who we are. We are not prepared to stand naked in the face of adversity, in the face of others, in the face of our own higher selves. We are all imperfect, sinners if that’s what we wish to call ourselves, we have missed the mark. We have all fallen victim to temptation, to the Satan within ourselves, to the little devil on our shoulder. We have all placed our own pleasure above whatever was the right thing to do at the time, we have all considered taking revenge, or have in fact taken revenge, against someone who has seemingly harmed us. Indeed, many can attempt to harm us, and it will seem as if they have succeeded. They can succeed in harming us, for we cannot control the actions of a criminal, or a murderer, yet whether they succeed in robbing us of our inner peace is completely up to us. For this reason, we must stay awake at all times, alert to what may possibly be the cause of our downfall, if left unchecked. 

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 41.

~ Rebel Spirit