DAY 16 (1000 WORDS, 3rd attempt) – Dream Journal

My wife Maria and I went to sleep about an hour ago, at about 130am. I woke up just now because of a dream I had. It was really vivid and It kind of shook me, to be honest, although it wasn’t anything extremely crazy like a gruesome nightmare or anything like that. If you’ve read my daily post from yesterday you might know that it was a post about my MPC One. Guilty of having left my daily writing for the last hour and a half of the day, I decided to quickly write about the MPC, since I’d been having so much fun just messing around with it the most of the day, and since I usually spend my free moments on it anyway. So this short dream revolves around my MPC One also. Basically I was sitting on my desk, in my room with Maria, although she was sitting on the edge of the bed right beside me. The desk is right beside the bed. I look down at my MPC and hit the button on the back to turn it on. It doesn’t turn on though. I press it like crazy a few times, worried that it’s died out on me, and suddenly a keyboard that I have below the MPC flashes as if it’s turning on. I wonder how in the hell the power button on my MPC just turned on the keyboard instead! Now, the set for this dream was all very common, not super weird like other dreams, I mean the setting was literally what I was doing while I was awake just an hour or two ago, with Maria sitting almost in that same exact position on the bed, the room looked exactly as it would in real life. I really thought this was real life and couldn’t figure out what was going on, so I told Maria but was surprised to find that she barely seemed to care and just barely mumbled something while looking down at the Plants vs. Zombies game on the iPad. It seemed so weird, and I kept frantically explaining to her that the MPC is fucked up, trying to get her to understand the seriousness of it, all while pressing the power button on the thing non-stop. It finally turns on but the icons and letters on the touch screen are big and distorted so I try to shut it down and turn it back on. It usually takes a few seconds for the MPC to power on when I press the power button, so right when I press it I turn my head around for a second to tell Maria what I’m gonna try. When I turn my head around again to look down at the MPC though, I see that the drum pads on it are missing! Not all of them, it was as if someone had just yanked out like three of the drum pads. I felt a chill and I started crazily looking around for the drum pads, not so much to put them back in, but more to see if I could even find them or if they had vanished into thin air. Sure enough, they were nowhere to be found. My mind was racing since I was sure I had done nothing treat could have accidentally removed the pads from the MPC. Some weird shit was going on, I was sure, some supernatural shit. I was getting super creeped out and was about to tell Maria about it, when I woke up feeling really disturbed, but after a moment really happy that it was all a dream and that my MPC is safe from harm. I decided to write this dream for a few reasons. One is that I’ve always been super interested in lucid dreaming and astral projection, but have only been able to lucid dream a few times, involuntarily. I know that one of the things that can help out a lot with lucid dreaming is to keep a dream journal. Unfortunately, since I’ve been a huge stoner for years I don’t have dreams very often, or I should probably say I do but I don’t remember them. It’s common knowledge that one of the symptoms of weed “withdrawal” are really vivid dreams, and I can definitely confirm this. Now that I’m finally cutting down on bud I’m getting more dreams, or at least remembering more of them, and they feel very very vivid and real life-like, just like tonight’s dream. Dreams can be scary but I always appreciate them. At the end of the day they’re trippy experiences for me, that I like looking back and reflecting on, sort of like psychedelic trips or meditation sessions. I think this is one more motivating factor for me to continue my goals of cutting downMy wife Maria and I went to sleep about an hour ago, at about 130am. I woke up just now because of a dream I had. It was really vivid and It kind of shook me, to be honest, although it wasn’t anything extremely crazy like q gruesome nightmare or anything like that. If you’ve read my daily post from yesterday you might know that it was a post about my MPC One. Guilty of having left my daily writing for the last hour and a half of the day, I decided to quickly write about the MPC, since I’d been having so much fun just messing around with it the most of the day, and since I usually spend my free moments on it anyway. So this short dream revolves around my MPC One also. Basically I was sitting on my desk, in my room with Maria, although she was sitting on the edge of the bed right beside me. The desk is right beside the bed. I look down at my MPC and hit the button on the back to turn it on. It doesn’t turn on though. I press it like crazy a few times, worried that it’s died out on me, and suddenly a keyboard that I have below the MPC flashes as if it’s turning on. I wonder how in the hell the power button on my MPC just turned on the keyboard instead! Now, the set for this dream was all very common, not super weird like other dreams, I mean the setting was literally what I was doing while I was awake just an hour or two ago, with Maria sitting almost in that same exact position on the bed, the room looked exactly as it would in real life. I really thought this was real life and couldn’t figure out what was going on, so I told Maria but was surprised to find that she barely seemed to care and just barely mumbled something while looking down at the Plants vs. Zombies game on the iPad. It seemed so weird, and I kept frantically explaining to her that the MPC is fucked up, trying to get her to understand the seriousness of it, all while pressing the power button on the thing non-stop. It finally turns on but the icons and letters on the touch screen are big and distorted so I try to shut it down and turn it back on. It usually takes a few seconds for the MPC to power on when I press the power button, so right when I press it I turn my head around for a second to tell Maria what I’m gonna try. When I turn my head around again to look down at the MPC though, I see that the drum pads on it are missing! Not all of them, it was as if someone had just yanked out like three of the drum pads. I felt a chill and I started crazily looking around for the drum pads, not so much to put them back in, but more to see if I could even find them or if they had vanished into thin air. Sure enough, they were nowhere to be found. My mind was racing since I was sure I had done nothing treat could have accidentally removed the pads from the MPC. Some weird shit was going on, I was sure, some supernatural shit. I was getting super creeped out and was about to tell Maria about it, when I woke up feeling really disturbed, but after a moment really happy that it was all a dream and that my MPC is safe from harm. I decided to write this dream for a few reasons. One is that I’ve always been super interested in lucid dreaming and astral projection, but have only been able to lucid dream a few times, involuntarily. I know that one of the things that can help out a lot with lucid dreaming is to keep a dream journal. Unfortunately, since I’ve been a huge stoner for years I don’t have dreams very often, or I should probably say I do but I don’t remember them. It’s common knowledge that one of the symptoms of weed “withdrawal” are really vivid dreams, and I can definitely confirm this. Now that I’m finally cutting down on bud I’m getting more dreams, or at least remembering more of them, and they feel very very vivid and real life-like, just like tonight’s dream. Dreams can be confusing and scary, even terrifying, for sure, but I appreciate most dreams, if not all. They’re trippy experiences for me, experiences I like looking back on, analyzing and reflecting on, just like psychedelic trips or meditation sessions. Who knows where dreams come from, I’ve always been fascinated by them, and just being able to remember more of my dreams is even one more reason to continue with my goals of cutting down on bud. So, I’ve killed two birds with one stone, I got my daily blog post in for the day, and I got to write down one of dreams, and a really trippy or at least vivid one at that. It’s good that I work at 1pm tomorrow, if I worked earlier in the morning I probably would have been too lazy to stay up for an hour or so to write and post this, and maybe that dream would have been forgotten. Anyway, time to go back to sleep and hopefully once again into dream land with some pleasant dreams this time.

~ much love

rebel eye

DAY 15 (1000 WORDS, 3rd attempt)

My favorite way of making music is on the MPC One. When I first started my music journey at eleven or twelve years old I started with FL Studio, since I was just a kid with a laptop and not a lot of money saved up that I could spend on gear. I had fun making beats for sure, focusing on old school beats, then experimenting with trip-hop and ambient music a lot, even trap beats, but I was never as into it as I am nowadays. Over time I stopped producing so many beats, making a beat only once in a while in FL Studio, using other plugins such as Nexus, but I was never really super into it, for the most part I just wanted to rap. I realize now that that’s mostly because of the way of making beats that involves using a mouse and keyboard. Once I got my hands on the MPC One I was hooked, and I haven’t stopped making beats ever since. The hands-on approach to making music is a lot more fun, and it feels like an instrument I’ve been learning and I never stop learning. Basically the MPC is a DAW (digital audio workstation) in a box. There’s lots of different kinds of MPCs, but I went with the One because of it’s compact size, and based off of everything I had read online. It truly does not disappoint in a way, and even know that I’m pretty comfortable with it and feel that I know it really well, I realize that there are still a lot of ways I could get even deeper into it, that’s how powerful this thing is. Of course, everything the MPC One can do can be done in a DAW, including FL Studio, which I still use, but it’s just a lot more fun using the MPC. Another thing I’ve been getting into a lot more because of the MPC is sampling. I used to sample beats in FL Studio, but everything seemed so complicated and I ended up just cutting loops that I liked from old jazzy tracks, or even reggae and classic rock, and adding my own drums and instruments to the beat within FL Studio. Those beats were not necessarily bad, but they were just very simple. The melodies were, for the most part, unchanged, although new instrument and drums were added over them. On the MPC, however, I’m chopping melodies into the pads and playing them that way, modifying them in all kinds of crazy ways, making all kinds of different patterns, and it’s just so much fun. Ironically, getting into the MPC also got me back into FL Studio and into learning how to do a lot of things in there that I had previously neglected learning about. It sort of just goes hand in hand with everything I’ve learned since getting the MPC, for example, mixing and mastering techniques in MPC One vs. mixing and mastering techniques in FL Studio. Of course, FL Studio, being a classic DAW, offers more possibilities, since you can even load third party plugins, for example. The MPC is limited to a few plugins that come with it, although those plugins have vast instrument libraries so there’s a lot to work with, apart from expansion packs and just classic sampling. With a specific cable which I have connected into the inputs of the MPC I can sample audio from any device with a normal headphone or earphone connection, so I can sample from YouTube or Spotify if I run the cable from my audio interface headphone output, or I can sample from my phone or iPad or iPod classic, or from music device really. It’s just impressive for what it is, there’s so many ways to create music within the MPC, and just for that I would recommend it to anyone who’s into making music or beats. A lot of the MPC sounds are really electronic so I make a lot of techno or house music on there, and also hip hop beats of course. Although the MPC One is definitely a beast in standalone mode, my favorite way to use it these days is to incorporate it into FL Studio. This is an interesting workflow because it allows me to make ideas on the MPC, with my hands rather than with the mouse, and then to pass on and polish those ideas within FL Studio, or just add more sounds on top of them or structure them better into a beat. The MPC One has song mode, which allows you to put different sequences, basically patterns of sounds, together to create a full song. For example, sequence two might follow sequence one, sequences can be repeated as many times as necessary, and so on. However, it’s definitely a lot simpler and faster to arrange the structure of a beat in FL Studio, looking at everything laid out across a big computer screen rather than the small MPC One screen. Don’t get me wrong, the touch-screen on the MPC One is amazing for the size of the MPC, it works perfectly and you can even access grid mode on it, basically a step sequences like in FL Studio. It’s just a lot faster to arrange the final beat in FL Studio and master it as well, to get the final product sounding loud, punchy and clear. It’s not a hassle to transfer things either. Basically, my MPC is on my desk so it’s always connected to my PC anyways. It’s not in controller mode though so I can use it in standalone even though it’s plugged in. The MPC has a software, basically Akai’s own DAW, MPC Beats, which can also be opened up as a VST plugin within other DAWs, so what I do when I select the controller mode option on my MPC is just open the MPC Beats plugin within FL Studio. The plugin recognizes the MPC and then I can load up whatever project I was working on while in standalone mode, and just drag the individual tracks from my MPC sequences into FL Studio, either as audio or MIDI files. The audio file is just the recorded audio itself, while the MIDI file is the actual notes you played, so you can even change the sound of the melody to be one of the sounds in FL Studio, or even Nexus or Omnisphere or any other third party plugin. I could go on and on about how cool the MPC One is, but I’ll leave it at that for now and maybe talk about it a bit more another time. If you’re into making music or just getting into it and are thinking about buying and MPC One though, trust me, it’s a lot of fun and you most likely won’t regret it.

much love

~ rebel eye

DAY 14 (1000 WORDS, 3rd attempt)

Day 14 of writing a thousand words. I’m enjoying this exercise for sure, and it’s getting kind of easier to get my words done once I start, I feel like I flow through the post more naturally. Before I used to feel as if I had to come up with something super profound in order to inspire the reader, but over time I’ve come to realize that people may find inspiration in the most trivial things. We never know the extent to which any of our ideas or experiences might inspire others, no matter how small or insignificant we may think those ideas are. For today I thought of just writing a bit about some of my favorite songs of all time, songs that I could listen to forever and never get tired of. Some of these songs give me goosebumps when I listen, and others just transport me to a dreamy, sleepy state of mind which is super relaxing and even meditative. One of those songs, and maybe my favorite of them all, is Bob Marley’s “Is This Love.” Yeah, I know, I know, big surprise, a huge stoner’s favorite songs is a Bob Marley one! Who would’ve thought it? But Bob Marley music is special, for lack of a better word to describe it, whether one is stoned or sober. Bob Marley and the Wailers had an amazing way to mix the classic relaxing reggae rhythm with powerful vocals and equally powerful, philosophical, uplifting lyrics that really make you think and feel. I know Is This Love, although popular, isn’t Bob Marley’s most popular songs, others such as Three Little Birds or One Love being more well-known, but to me Is This Love is such a beautiful song, super chill and reminds of a beautiful love, like the one I feel for my wife Maria. In fact, we danced to this song on our wedding night since I put it at the top of our wedding playlist. Whenever I’m stressed I know I can probably put this song on and just forget about the worries of life for a moment. Number 2, my second favorite song ever is probably Pink Floyd’s “Comfortably Numb.” I saw a recent post that Gilmour’s guitar solo on that song was just voted as the number one guitar solo ever, and I completely agree, I was even telling my wife the same thing a few years ago! Second place, for me, goes to Led Zeppelin’s “Stairway to Heaven,” which is also one of my favorite songs, the way it progresses from an eerie, slow ballad into an insanely powerful, complete rock classic, complete with the crazy, energetic screaming of the lyrics at the end, is just amazing. The lyrics are really thought-provoking as well and they evoke powerful images in my mind. I like to listen to Stairway to Heaven when I trip, although sometimes it gets way too intense, due to the crazy energy it gives off. I think I didn’t write enough about Comfortably Numb though. It’s hard to find such a beautiful and spacey song, and the guitar feels like some sort of victory, like a triumphant vibe. That reads kind of weird, but it’s the best word I could think of to describe this amazing song, or at least the instrumental side of it. Another song which I really love is Eminem’s “Sing For the Moment.” I love the way Aerosmith’s track was sampled, and Eminem’s lyrics, especially about the reason why he raps, for kids who are inspired by the lyrics, who might not have much else in life to relate to or to just vibe with. Whether listening to Eminem or most other rappers’ lyrics is something healthy or constructive for most of the youth is another topic entirely, one that I can’t ever come to a concrete decision on. I know there’s a lot of negativity in rap music, even in the “good” rappers’ songs, but I’ve never really been able to stop listening to rap. When it’s done correctly it can be such an inspiration, and powerful messages can be delivered way more powerfully and efficiently than with any other genre of music. A perfect example of this is 2Pac. I love so many of his songs, as you can tell that he was a person who was trying to figure life out, trying to inspire others, and to express himself through poetry and music. I’m not saying he was perfect by any means, but his lyrics are definitely inspirational. Out of so many great 2Pac songs my favorite one has to be “Better Dayz” from his posthumous album of the same name. The lyrics touch upon such real things, about the stresses of an unplanned pregnancy amid a shitty financial situation, for example, or about the death of his homies and seeing his family after them and giving them the simple message “to keep the faith, and pray for better days.” We can’t expect musicians to be perfect, but I certainly appreciate it when artists try to incorporate a powerful message into their music. At the end of the day, music is amazing and beautiful, but making a positive difference in the world is ultimately the best thing one can do with one’s time on earth, and if your passion is to write, whether it’s music or anything else, it’s really inspirational to me to see people using their talents to try to put these positive ideas into the world. I honestly can’t be bothered to listen to any of the new rap that’s out nowadays. It’s all commercialized garbage created to keep listeners ignorant and chasing a shallow lifestyle they’ll probably die or end up in jail trying to live. We need more rappers like Pac, but I honestly think hip-hop is unfortunately beyond saving. There’s too much money to be made by promoting a lavish lifestyle, selling what the people want, illusions of money and power, of financial success. Anyway, I definitely went off on a bit of a rant there, but I have to draw the comparison in order for you to understand why I love songs like “Better Dayz” or “Changes” or “Thugz Mansion” so much. There’s a few more songs which are at the top with these ones, but for now I’m at a thousand words, so I’ll just leave it here. Hopefully I can get some people who haven’t heard these songs to check them out, or even to get some people who haven’t listened in a while to revisit these musical masterpieces. I’m jamming to them myself at the moment.

much love

~ rebel eye

IS THIS LOVE, IS THIS LOVE, IS THIS LOVE THAT I’M FEELINNN!

DAY 13 (1000 WORDS, 3rd attempt)

Day 13 of a thousand words. I figured I would write about one of my favorite songs of mine, It Is What It Is. This is a song I wrote and recorded way back in 2012. It was released on my February 2012 mixtape Running Rebel. To this day, I consider this mixtape to be my masterpiece. I was trying to make a project with a unique sound, but more specifically, with the jazzy, old-school type of sound that I love so much, the sound that inspired me to get into hip-hop in the first place. This track was the most popular off the tape. In my lyrics I reminisce on old times, which even though were filled with problems, still represent the good old days for me. In 2012 I was only 18 years old, but I really felt like I had grown up and matured. I know what you might think, that at that age there’s not much that I could possibly be looking back at. That’s not the case for me though, since the craziest times of my life actually started when I was about twelve or thirteen, and although I had a lot of fun, I also got into a lot of problems. Thankfully, these problems didn’t escalate as much as they could have. I feel like I’ve always been blessed with good common sense, even when I was acting up I was never completely like a lot of my friends. I always knew there was something deeper to life, and I guess I was trying to find exactly that in the countless experiences I was having, but never finding anything. By the age of 18 I had realized that this life was not what I wanted any longer, so I wrote this song, It Is What It Is. The last part of the hook says “But we all gotta grow, yo, it is what it is,” and I feel like that sums up my mindset at the time, I was done with my old type of life and was sad to let it go, as I did have a lot of fun, but I realized that it was time to move on, to grow into a new phase in my life. There’s a lot of details in the song, about old times, old moments I lived through with close friends, some of which are no longer here with us. Overall, it’s just such a nostalgic song for me, and the amazing chill beat by Dela definitely went along with my lyrics to emphasize the nostalgic aspect of the track. I also like how he incorporated a sample into the beginning of the beat, from one of my favorite rap songs “Moment of Truth” by Gang Starr, where Guru raps “Sometimes you gotta dig deep, when problems come near, don’t fear, things get severe for everybody everywhere.” At the time I felt like I was really thinking deeply, I was finally making a decision about my life and the direction I wanted to take it. Unfortunately, it did take me a few more years to completely let go of my troubled past, so throughout 2013 to 2014 I was back into making gangsta rap songs with RRG. It took me a few years to completely free myself of who I used to be and the toxic lifestyle I was living for so long, and over that time I also quit smoking cigarettes completely, quit drinking for the most part, and quit doing all the drugs I was doing. By 2017 I released my Musical Alchemy mixtape, where I incorporated a lot of what I had learned into my lyrics, from the 7 Hermetic Principles to the Four Noble Truths, from Bible verses to quotes by great philosophers. I wanted to creative something philosophically inspiring, but I feel like I ended up being a bit all over the place on that album. I hope to be able to make an album as good as my 2012 Running Rebel album some day, but I just don’t know if I’m even the same person these days. Even if I never do though, I’m glad to have created a classic, and even though my album barely got more than a thousand downloads, since I’m still basically unknown, I’m glad to have made something I can enjoy, and which documents my growth in life. Unfortunately, now that I’ve started posting my music on streaming services, I haven’t been able to post any of the songs from my Running Rebel mixtape, since the beats I used were just picked from different websites and YouTube videos, in order to match the sound I was trying to achieve. To anyone who might be reading this blog and who is already familiar with my music, I truly appreciate you! And if you’re reading my blog and are not familiar with my music then give this track a listen, I know you will enjoy it. To be honest, I think a lot of what has prevented me from “making it” as a musician has been my own fault, I’ve never been great at promoting myself, it’s never been something I enjoy doing. It feels like I’m trying to show off or something, so I’ve always preferred to have people find my music organically rather than sharing it to everyone. However, I’m now at the point where I realize that this just doesn’t work like that. As a creative person it’s imperative to be able to market oneself. You might be super dope at what you do, but if no one knows it then it isn’t gonna do much for you, so let the world know! There’s way too much wack music about nothing out there these days, so I shouldn’t feel any shame for promoting my own music when I know that it’s dope, and that people would appreciate it if only more people got to hear it. I appreciate everyone reading, as always, and I’ll leave a link to my song, It Is What It Is, in case you’re interested in listening.

much love

~ rebel eye

DAY 12 (1000 WORDS, 3rd attempt)

Day 12. Sober day. Right now I’m only doing 2 sober days per week. I know it’s not a lot but it’s definitely a challenge for me, coming from smoking every day for so many years. It’s been a couple weeks now and I’ve stayed consistent with this goal, so I’m definitely happy with my progress. I started with one sober day, for 2 weeks, then on the third week started doing 2 days. This is the end of the fifth week, and now I’m gonna do four weeks of three sober days. I can really see how the time I’m spending sober is beneficial for me already, I have a clearer head and I’m really starting to get consistent with my creative outlets. I’ve been making beats for more than ten years now, as well as rapping, but it’s always been something I do just for fun. I’ve never been big into staying up to date with social media trends, so I can’t say I’ve done much on the promotion or networking side of things. I don’t mean to say that I never wanted to make it in the music industry, it’s just that I never got serious enough to promote or to do any serious networking, it’s always been about the music itself for me and I’ve never felt like I had time to do anything beyond that. Now though, I’ve realized that I need to do it, whether I feel like it or not. So many people are creating music nowadays, so it’s not enough to just be good, one has to actively promote one’s music just as if it were any other business. As a young rapper coming up I never really spent much time thinking about this. Yeah, I know I was pretty immature, but at least now I’ve gotten to learn from my past mistakes so that I can do things differently from now on. I’m still young but not as young as I was ten years ago, so although I still have some time to make this happen, it’s not like I have a whole lot of time either. It’s stressful because I know that this is the last chance I’ll ever get, and if I don’t make it happen I just might be stuck in the shitty nine-to-five life forever. However, I feel like this stress is a blessing, the stress is what’s really motivating me to finally do things the right way. Nothing will stop me this time around, which is why, after so many years, I’m slowly but surely rearranging my time and my decisions in order to live with more order, in order to live more deliberately. The sober days feel boring, since my brain has been used to being high most of the time for so many years, but this boredom pushes me to spend time doing things that I wouldn’t do if I was high, things that absolutely need to get done. Anyway, I know I’ve written a bit about all of these things in my recent blog posts, but it’s just because I’m extremely excited to see where life will take me. It feels like I’m finally moving on to the next level of life, like I’m finally taking responsibility for my life and taking matters into my own hands in order to make things happen, God willing. For a while, life was feeling dead, as if nothing new was happening, as if I had settled in life and there would never be any new excitement. In a way I was okay with this realization, because I’d rather not deal with all the problems I brought upon myself when I was living my old, “exciting” life. I see now that I was wrong though, life is starting to get exciting again, and this time it’s for positive reasons, I feel excited about positive long-term changes in my life, rather than searching for excitement in highs and cheap thrills all the time. Life is deep, and sometimes we can shut ourselves off from the experiencing the depth of everything. Sometimes cutting ourselves off from it might be very satisfying, we might feel very comfortable, since we experience only what we know, or what we think we know. We try to take the easy route, to do what’s most comfortable and pleasurable, without stopping to think that maybe, at the other end of a completed challenge, we might just find something deeper, some new inspiration about life, rather than something familiar, something we are extremely comfortable in. It’s common knowledge that no good can come from staying in one’s comfort zone, but I realize that that’s exactly what I’ve been doing all these years. I’ve decided that the world out there is too crazy to deal with, and I’ve immersed myself in things which inspire me, such as powerful music or books, things that transport me away from real life. I didn’t think this was ever a problem because I never realized that this is what I was doing, in my mind I was simply enjoying something I liked. I get high and listen to an album, and it’s magical! No problem. Except that tomorrow I want to make some music, and it’s much better when I’m high. Okay, I’ve been working on music for a while now, it’s time to spend some time with my wife. Okay, let’s watch a movie, but yeah, movies are much more immersive when stoned, so here I go! You see what I mean? One moment after another, life goes by. In a way this is what I’ve always liked about weed, that it can make you more present, it can help one enjoy the mundane moments of life a lot more. I always saw this as something positive, but now I’m thinking that maybe we need to feel the absolute boredom and dissatisfaction of life if we ever want to evolve to the next level of our lives. If we can make any moment comfortable then why would we ever try to push ourselves further?

much love

~ rebel eye

DAY 11 (1000 WORDS, 3rd attempt)

I can’t think of much to write tonight, to be honest. I sit here and stare at the screen for a few minutes though, and then I just start writing about how I don’t know what to start writing about. I know I have to start writing, there’s only an hour left and I can’t fail my daily goal. If I just start writing I know I can go from there, something will come to me. Wow, look at that! I’m half a paragraph in, although it seems like I already wrote about this recently… about what, exactly? Am I writing about writing again? Well, I am writing about how I don’t know what to write. That’s okay though because I’ve been thinking about how I need to be more spontaneous. Yeah, it’s good to have an order in life, but in between posting this daily message, posting my daily beat for sale, and working my nine to five, it starts to seem like too much of a routine. Now, this is not to say that I want to stop, no way! I’m only getting started and I’m excited to see where consistency will take me this time around, now that I’m finally taking it, and myself, seriously. I do, however, wish that life was more exciting and spontaneous at times. I’ve finally realized that I need to start with myself, otherwise nothing different will ever happen. Then again, maybe life staying the way it is isn’t so bad after all, I’m happy with my wife, I’m healthy, I love making music and writing, and apart from working at a call center from home I don’t have to deal with too many crazy situations since I barely go outside other than to buy things or once in a while to meet up with a friend, which is not too often. Things weren’t always like this, I used to have many “friends” and used to go out and party every week, maybe multiple times a week, and get drunk and all sorts of fucked up, but that all changed after I moved to Honduras and stayed there for three years, where I met Maria who later became my wife. It’s crazy how in life you can’t have it all at once. I love my wife and wouldn’t trade our relaxed life together for anything in the world, but I still wish we went out to hang out with friends every once in a while or something. Then I see what’s going on with a lot of people in the world and it makes me not wanna deal with any of it. Why ruin what we have? And I don’t mean in the sense of me cheating on her or anything crazy like that, I’m just thinking like, what do I have to look for out in the world other than problems? I have my wife here and there’s no need to go anywhere or complicate our life. I know it’s probably not the healthiest way of life but I gotta be honest. I hate to sound pessimistic about the world or about people, but sometimes I really feel just like Bukowski said “I don’t hate people …I just feel better when they’re not around.” I actually do care about people and I’ve always hated injustice with a passion, but it seems to me like most people are not looking to engage in meaningful conversation with others, but rather promote an idea, whether political or religious, or some idea of morality or about the right way to live life. Everyone has all the answers figured out, except for the answer to the question of how to get along with each other. So much trouble over racism, over sexism and homophobia, over politics, over ideologies. As soon as you say one thing you get labelled or cancelled, so no one can have an honest debate. It’s crazy to me how a lot of people don’t see this, they don’t see the classic manipulation that’s purposely put in place in order to divide us and have us fighting against each other so that we can’t focus on being free. It’s scary to think about how well engineered all the propaganda is nowadays, how interwoven everything is, how Facebook and Google knowing everything about us, and how our access to basic services can be cut off at any time, and it’s becoming easier and easier as things become more electronic. Again, we can’t have everything in life. We have newer technology, but along with it comes a new, perhaps invisible, danger. Along with technology may come disease, but then we create medicine to cure disease. Is everything ultimately good or ultimately bad? I don’t have the answers at all, but I think I just might have close to a thousand words, after having just taken you all on this crazy train of thought along with me. Just copied and pasted this post onto Word and saw I have like 800 words. Not bad, my estimate was pretty close. See, I love writing because of this, I can write and just have fun as I document a random moment in my mind, a moment that is forever gone in time and I’ll never recover. Maybe I will though, if I read this blog post sometime in the future. Random ideas… why did God or the universe will it for these ideas to get documented? Why not the ideas I had this morning? Why didn’t I have other ideas right now, for this post? Where do ideas even come from? Well, I like Paracelsus’ thoughts on the matter, but it’s not for sure. It’s something I’ve written about in another post, and maybe might explore in another post in the future. I appreciate anyone who’s reading, blessings to you and yours.

much love

damn, 977, I was sure I had a thousand! Don’t forget to show the ones you love you appreciate them! Time is not unlimited, and we never know how long is left, so let’s make every moment count! Thought I’d end it on a super positive note with a message that can’t hurt anybody!

again, much love

~ rebel eye (1031 words without counting my name!)

What I was listening to as I wrote this.

DAY 10 (1000 WORDS, 3rd attempt)

DAY 10, nice! Only have to do ten days nine more times to get to a hundred. My record right now is 81 days straight, if I’m not mistaken. This time I don’t only plan to beat that, I plan to go for as long as I can, until the end of my days if possible. Consistency is the key to improvement, and when paired with a constant flow of new knowledge it can really make things happen. It’s always a struggle, trying to find a way of keeping myself constantly reminded of this, even during days when I’m the most tired or just not feeling up to much, I’d love to have a way of just snapping back into the right mindset to get back to work, to get back into the flow of things. Usually if I miss a day of something I’ve decided to do daily, it completely kills my motivation to do it, because I know I have to get back to that point again, if I’ve done it before I can do it again but it’s gonna take me a while to get there so I may as well not even start. It’s a stupid logic, I know, and it’s the main reason why I didn’t post on here at all for 2 years after my Day 81 post in August of 2019. I mentioned all of this in a recent post, but it’s cool for me to recap since today is day 10 so it definitely feels like an important milestone. A lot is going on apart from the resurrection of my blog, mainly with my music! Music is perhaps my biggest passion, and today I posted my first beat for sale on Beatstars, something I should probably have done years ago. I always had the idea of eventually rapping on my own beats, but it’s clear that I can’t come up with enough rhymes fast enough to fill up all the beats I produce. Ultimately my goal is to live off my music, or off of any of my creative pursuits, but preferably music, so it doesn’t matter in the end whether I make money as a rapper or as a producer. I can even rap just for fun for the small group of people who do listen to me, and it won’t matter too much because I’ll be having fun making beats and making money that way. This is what I’ve recently decided, so I’ll be uploading daily beats on Beatstars, as well as accompanying videos for each beat on YouTube and Instagram, and just like this daily blog post session, I hope to be posting consecutive beats for as long as God blesses me with life. One of the biggest obstacles in my life has been that of the nine-to-five lifestyle, working soul-sucking jobs that don’t interest me in the least as a creative person, doing the bare minimum since I know a sincere and honest work ethic is not necessarily valued, but rather exploited most times, and the overall depression that comes along with this type of life, having little to no time to do what I love. Recently, during the past few years, I’ve been making my own time for myself, but not to slack off like back in the days. Sometimes I’m filled with anxiety these days even, because I feel like I absolutely have to make it with this music thing, or with some other creative pursuit, maybe like writing, if I want to be free of this lifestyle. I don’t mean to complain, I’m honestly grateful for all of my life experiences, and this type of life has taught me the importance of chasing my dreams, that the power to make anything happen is in my hands. I pray to God to help me find the right way to keep motivated and to keep putting the work in consistently. I also have to start reaching out to artists and trying to network, but this is good since it’ll sharpen up my sales skills which I haven’t really used since back when I had some other nine to five jobs.

So yeah, I’m super excited to be getting into this new chapter of my life, where I’m trying to move forward with my passion first and leaving partying and wasting time behind. To be honest I haven’t even been partying for many years now, having realized the pointlessness and stupidity of the constant party lifestyle, but I can’t say I haven’t been wasting time. A lot of it has been due to indecision, and as you may know if you’ve read some of my other recent posts, I think it may have something to do with me being constantly stoned, so I’m starting a really serious goal to stop getting baked as much, and it’s definitely allowing me to see things in a much clearer way to allow me to do what needs to be done to start marketing my business ideas. Yeah, it’s true that bud helps me get creative ideas flowing, there’s no debating that, but sometimes with so many ideas comes indecision, when what we might need at the moment is extreme focus on one specific idea, in order to get started with the execution of that idea. Everything in life has its right time, and I feel like things are starting to align in my life. Only time will tell if I stay motivated enough to constantly continue with my ideas, such as this daily blog post of a thousand words, or the daily beat I’ll be posting, but I really think I will. I really feel like this time is different than ever before, and I truly can’t wait to be writing to you all soon confirming that to be the case. To anyone who struggles with indecision, my advice is to simply get started. Start putting your ideas together, and once you do start putting them out into the world. If you have good content, and you are constantly learning and improving, and constantly showcasing that improvement, then you are applying the formula for success and it is highly unlikely for you to fail. Once again, consistency is key. Knowledge is power. Practice makes perfect. Learn as much as possible about what you do, nowadays there’s so many resources out there. Keep on learning, keep on applying your knowledge in order to practice, showcase your practice and your progress to inspire others!

much love

~ rebel eye

DAY 9 (1000 WORDS, 3rd attempt)

One day away from day 10, nice! In a way I’d say it feels a bit therapeutic even, writing these thousand words daily, I really think more people ought to try it, at least once in a while if daily’s too much. To be honest I think daily might even be too much for me, but I love the challenge and I’m glad to be taking it on, since I feel like there’s too much shit on my mind, feel like I need to declutter my mental space. It’s nice living life as an observer, and writing down my thoughts and ideas helps me keep organized and on track about what I’m doing. If you’re reading I also appreciate you, it definitely adds another dimension to my mission, it feels like I’ll grow my audience depending on how real I can keep it, how much raw reality I can express in my words, how much of my message I’m truly able to convey. Writing is simple, yet it’s a skill one can always improve on, there are no limits to imagination and creativity, to the combinations of words one can form, and the meanings different people derive from those groups of words, which we might call phrases or sentences. Maybe I can inspire someone to write what’s on their mind as well, and whatever they write could inspire someone else, sparking a chain reaction of inspiration. It’s the invisible things life these which inspire me to write, things I might never notice. So many things have inspired me, things I’ve read I mean, without the author knowing I’ve been inspired. We can’t know whether everything we write is correct in every sense, but if our heart is in the right place then we should have nothing to worry about. Expressing our honest opinions on certain topics can maybe open up the door for much-needed conversation about it, sometimes problems can’t be solved just because there’s simply no dialogue to come to an agreement, so hatred and violence continue to grow. Communication is the key to moving forwards as human beings. Assuming we understand when we really know nothing about something is bound to lead to problems if we ever interact with others who truly do understand. This is the reason why nowadays I spend most of my time watching tutorials, learning the ins and outs of the craft I’ve decided to pursue, now that I finally decided that’s what I want to do for sure. I’ve realized that there’s nothing quite like being prepared, and knowing even more than the necessary just for doing what needs to be done. Things that stand out have to be done with passion, yes, but they also need to be done in the right way, and a lot of times being too passionate at the beginning might result in us starting to soon, and starting off wrong. There’s no such thing as starting too soon, as long as we are prepared, but if we started off wrong then maybe we may as well not have started off at all! So the best scenario is to start off early but to be prepared, and if you didn’t start off as early as you wish you had, don’t get desperate – take the time to learn properly and then get started, now that you have a clear vision of what it is you intend to do, which is what you lacked back then, and the reason why you never got around to doing it earlier. Leaning is the key to life, and to every aspect of it. Hands-on learning is extremely effective, but usually this goes along with learning from someone else, someone who is already very skilled at whatever we are learning, and who is willing to pass that knowledge on to us. We learn by receiving ideas from others, who communicate these ideas from us. Every word I’m using in this post is an idea in itself, and when paired with the words around it, can convey a very different idea than it would on its own. That’s not always the case, but it’s a possibility. Over time, figures of speech become accepted as things everyone says and understands, and as our ideas shape our language over time, so does our language eventually shape our ideas. It’s all a cycle; art – or literature – imitates life, and life imitates art, one reflects the other, back and forth, back and forth. There’s not even a need to specify, to differentiate between art and literature, since great literature could possibly be the highest form of art, effectively transmitting powerful ideas to another, or transmitting powerful emotions through the stories of the character. One Piece is a show that does this in an amazing fashion. I’m not really a huge anime fan, since most animes just don’t have what One Piece has, but One Piece has been my favorite show since I was a little kid in the third grade, I’d wake up at 3:30 am to watch it when it came on at 4am on 4Kids, Sanji’s cigarette was replaced by a lollipop. The point is, I got up super early to watch it because I was intrigued by the story and the characters, by their emotions and the dilemmas they faced. They were emotional and complex yet realistic, or at least relatable. I’d recommend this show to anyone, I’ve even got my mom into it! If I ever complete a novel or any work of fiction, something which I’m actually already working on by the way, that’s what I aspire for, for it to be as moving as One Piece, for it to evoke feelings in the viewer in that exact way. That’s ultimately what I hope to do with the lyrics for my songs as well, I despise mainstream rap because the lyrics are fake and uninspiring, promoting materialism and stupidity. The type of hip-hop that moves me is songs like 2Pac’s “Brenda’s Got a Baby,” a story about a young girl who dies to soon after becoming trapped in the lifestyle of a sex worker, or Flipsyde’s emotional “Happy Birthday,” a track he raps about a child who was aborted because they were not ready to be a family, and the emotions that go along with such a situation. We need more inspiration, people are drowning in worthless pleasure, numbing themselves from an inner feeling that something is wrong, because there’ simply no inspiration. Speak up if you think you have something to say, you never know who you might inspire, and just what might come of it.

much love

~ rebel eye

DAY 8 (1000 WORDS, 3rd attempt)

Time flies, and I’m often torn apart by indecision, since everything is a possibility, yet there’s not enough time for everything to be done correctly, or even at all. A person might struggle along one specific path throughout an entire lifetime, but does he or she finally know whether they’ve succeeded, once the moment of death arrives? Can we ever know for certain that we have lived in the right way? If there is really a right way to live, then it’s terrifying to think that we might convince ourselves into living a certain lifestyle, only to find out once it’s too late that that wasn’t really what we should have done with our lives. Would this regret even be valid though? It’s easy to wish we had done something different, once time has passed and we didn’t do it. Another story is whether we would really do it if given the chance, if we could somehow magically go back to that moment. The past is the past, and we didn’t know back then what we know now, so perhaps we would have done the exact same thing we already did, if we were ever given the chance to go back and relive, or redo, certain moments of our lives. It’s crazy to think that we might never really know whether we’re living correctly or not, we just have to trust our decisions and stick with them. There’s no trial period for the consequences of our actions and beliefs, or our lack of actions or beliefs. Certain things need to be done for other things to happen, certain sacrifices need to be made for certain doors to open. Certain beliefs lead us to act in certain ways, or to refrain from behaving in certain ways, but how can we be sure that our beliefs are the right ones when almost absolutely everyone seems to be one hundred percent positive of their own beliefs? If our beliefs are wrong then doesn’t that mean that all of our actions will be wrong from the very start, that all our dreams are doomed to failure? The scariest thing is that, to succeed at most endeavors we have to spend years and years perfecting our skills, learning, practicing, networking, diving deeper into whatever we are pursuing, whether we’re talking about personal or business endeavors. Who’s to say that, after so many years of working hard at something, we won’t be unfulfilled and left wishing we would have done something different? Maybe we’ll only realize that because of the life experience we’ve gained from whatever it is we ventured into, which we are now thinking was a mistake. But was it really a mistake? How could you have learned this lesson if you hadn’t lived your life in the specific way you have up until now? But then again, what’s the point of this lesson now when it would have helped me out much more so many years ago, when I actually had the time and energy to invest into whatever it is that I now consider what should have been my actual pursuit? Mind games, leading to regret and dissatisfaction. Buddhism would emphasize the need to live in the present, to minimize attachment to what would have or could have been, and to just be happy in the moment, to be present and not to wish for anything to have been different. Sure, this could definitely be the healthiest and most practical approach to life, maybe even the correct approach to life (again, could be, but not sure, just like any other approach to life), but that doesn’t really mean that it isn’t valid to say that maybe we would have been more successful or happier if we had done something else, if we had turned our lives into something different. The point though, as I see it, is that whatever we have gone through was our own experience, it is specifically ours so that we may grow from it by relating to it in our own specific ways, dependent on everything else we’ve experience during our lives. Maybe everything really is meant to be in such a way, and then again, maybe nothing is meant to be, which would mean that all of our experiences, all of our pain and our struggles, our joy, the love we feel our friends and family, would all be random and trivial in the grand scheme of things. It’s true that I’m not a hundred percent sure about anything at the end of the day, if I can be completely honest, but I sincerely doubt that idea, that everything we experience is trivial and that there is no deeper meaning to any of it. As we learn if we study Hermeticism, “As above, so below; as within, so without.” Everything goes way deeper than we could ever know, all of our decisions and experiences, all of our thoughts, our feelings and emotions all stem from farther away, from deeper than we could ever imagine. Well, again, that’s just kind of what I feel to be the truth, no guarantees! I know that someone has the best chance of succeeding if they focus all of their time and energy, or at least as much of them as possible, into one thing and one thing only. Unfortunately I’ve never been able to settle for one thing. I love making music because so much music inspires me, and I love writing because so many great books have inspired me as well. I love rapping because that’s what I started with, that’s what I’m best at when it comes to music, but I hate so much of what makes up hip-hop culture these days. It’s never been the healthiest culture, understandably, but I think any fan of hip-hop knows what I’m talking about when I say that things are much worse now, and it’s gone downhill in a really sad way. Another path for me could be beats, since I love producing beats as well, and I’m getting into it just now like never before, taking my beat game up to the next level, so we’ll see where this takes me with time, I pray to God I make the right decisions, and I have to work at keeping my mind clear and free from stress and distractions.

much love

~ rebel eye

DAY 7 (1000 WORDS, 3rd attempt)

We can get so busy at times that we forget to make time for those we love. Life sometimes demands so much from us, and it seems impossible to win if we don’t spend every waking moment planning out our next move. We think we’re doing our duty since it feels like we simply must provide for our families at all costs, we must protect them. We can get so caught up in creating the life we dream of, that we forget to live life in the present, to appreciate those who are unconditionally there for us. By the time we turn that dream we’re chasing into a reality it might not be exactly what we expected after all, yet they might no longer be there. We change along with life. Change is actually the only constant in life, the most common of things, for good or for bad. We don’t know what’s ahead, so we should always be grateful for the present, we should embrace it and live it to the fullest, just be alive in it. We shouldn’t brush it off as if it didn’t matter, as secondary to our future projects, or even worse, as something from which we wish to escape at the earliest possible chance we may get. We need to embrace the present, and the people who surround us at the moment. Sometimes the people who love us might be the exact people we wish to avoid, and perhaps it’s because we know that they’re willing to call us out on our mistakes while other so-called friends won’t. We might convince ourselves that they’re wrong, that they’re getting too involved in our decisions and that we have everything under control. We might even start to resenting us, but there is no reason to, since friends should always try to build each other up, to help each other grow. Sometimes we can hold grudges and allow resentment to gradually separate us from those who love us, but this will only lead to loneliness and regret in the end. No amount of money or success is worth more than true love, than enjoying life alongside family and friends. I can’t say I’ve never been guilty of this myself, I’ve let the pressure of trying my best to succeed get in the way of me maintaining healthy relationships. Thankfully I still get along with my family, who never gave up on me no matter what kind of crazy shit I was going through, but I can’t say the same for a lot of my so-called friends. A lot of people have walked out of my life for one reason or another, both voluntarily and not. I’ve lost some good friends along the way, a lot just went their own ways and we drifted apart as the years passed, as I travelled through Brazil and Honduras, wanting to fulfill my fantasy of backpacking and seeing the world as a hippie, yet never getting started. Let’s just say things didn’t go exactly how I had planned for them to go, but I’m not complaining and regret nothing in the end. The thing is that I was hoping to make crazy friendships overseas, to immerse myself in different cultures, which are actually my own cultures, since I was born in Honduras and my father’s side of the family is Brazilian, while I failed to realize that I was neglecting a lot of my friendships back in Canada. Some people I purposely wished to cut contact with, a lot of people were only there for the good times, when there was a party going on and lots of booze and bud, but never for anything else. People are complex, and we are all searching for something. I know because I’m complicated as hell, sometimes my ideas might be all over the place, sometimes I might have extreme focus on something that captivates me and catches my interest at the time. Despite the complex nature of human beings, despite the possibility for misunderstanding and issues that may arise from it, it’s still worth it to make connections with others, to keep in touch with old friends just to see how they’re doing, to let our closest friends and family how much we love and appreciate them. You never know when someone might appreciate a conversation, you never know what others might be going through. It’s great to chase our dreams, to work hard, to save money, but we shouldn’t let our relationships suffer in the process. We might become completely oblivious to the basic things the ones we love require from us, we might lose our temper and lash out at them, under pressure by the demands of the grind. What is the point of working hard to provide financial stability to a family, yet provide no emotional stability, to fight and even to hurt one’s partner, to set a harmful example for children, to become bitter from stress and worry? Life is tough, that’s true, yet it is meant to be enjoyed. We shouldn’t spend every moment trying to get ahead, life is not a race after all. Every breath is just as important as the next, they all keep us alive. Every moment is significant, all the moments of our lives add up to create us in our entirety, our ideas and our present thoughts, our preferences and decisions, they all stem from everything we’ve ever been through, and we shouldn’t be ashamed of any time of our lives. I think a lot of us need to take a moment to slow down and appreciate what we have, especially the people we have in our lives, people we might just be taking for granted, not realizing what an amazing influence they’ve been in our lives. Moving forward I think I’ll try spending more time with my parents, and it would be pretty cool to talk more and even hang out with my brother Uriel, although he lives in the States for now so that’s not something for right now necessarily.

much love

~ rebel eye