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DAY 31 (1000 WORDS, 3rd attempt)

I really wish I had done my writing earlier today, I gotta stop leaving it for the night. I’ve been thinking about that, just because I don’t want to rush my writing, but now I’ve got another great reason to actually write earlier. I sit here with a massive, pounding headache, wishing I could just go to sleep and wake up tomorrow feeling normal again. It just seems like I always end up writing during the last two hours of the day because work and other things take up the rest of the day. Sometimes I try to write an idea down while I’m working, in between calls, but the downtime is usually not too long, so a lot of the time I don’t even bother because I don’t want a cool idea to be interrupted by a phone call where I have to focus on the troubleshooting I’m doing. Yesterday we ended up sleeping at 2am, and this morning woke up at 6 to go walk my wife to the bus stop for work. She works from home also but does have to go work at the office a few days a week. We really need to work on our sleeping schedule, just for our overall health. Time management has always been a big issue for me, it always feels like there’s not enough time. This is probably the biggest reason why I hate the 9 to 5 life, but I get it, I have to learn how to work my own time out, this is just the fast-paced world we live in. I should have slept for a few more hours when I got back from walking Maria to the bus stop, since I didn’t have to work until 10, but I just felt like actually doing stuff I enjoy for a few hours, rather than going to sleep only to wake up and work, so I sat at my desk to work on some music, and made a pretty cool beat. I should mention I also had half of an edible, so about 10mg. The effect was not too intense, even though I just finished my 3 sober days for the week. Before I started cutting down I would eat even up to 150mg at a time to get a decent high, so 10mg shouldn’t mess me up too bad, and it didn’t. I mention this because I don’t know if it might have anything to do with this horrible headache. I never used to get headaches from edibles before, and I’ve been a stoner for years. I suspect I’m suffering from a combination of the after effects of the high, mixed with my lack of sleep last night, and the fact that I didn’t eat anything until about 2pm, on my break from work. In the morning I was just way into the beat I was making, so I didn’t wanna stop to go make food, and when I started working i felt ok so I didn’t bother to eat. I finally made some spicy noodles on my break, and they were pretty good. By the end of my shift at 5 though I was starting to feel the headache coming on. Good thing it didn’t hit hard while I was still taking calls, because that would’ve been pure hell. Maria got back home and unfortunately I couldn’t really chill with her like I wanted to. I told her about my headache and we decided to try and sleep a bit. I thought if I just slept I would wake up feeling much better, but that wasn’t the case. I woke up with my head pounding just the same. I did the Win Hof breathing method twice, once before sleeping and again when I woke up. It helped a bit but not enough, this fucking headache wouldn’t go away! I heated up some good and woke Maria up to eat, but the even with nutrition it didn’t go away. I’ve given up at this point, I know it won’t go away until I sleep the whole night and wake up tomorrow. It sucks because I can’t joke around with Maria, i feel irritable as hell, and also I have to write these words and post my daily beat up on Beatstars. Anyway, now that I’m halfway through this post I realize it’s not as bad as I thought it would be. Writing is actually helping quite a bit to distract me from my headache. Posting my beat up, on the other hand, I don’t think will be so great. I have to put my headphones on, I have to master the beat, I have to put my producer tag on it, then post it up on Beatstars and YouTube as well. I’ll try to do it as quick as possible, since I really don’t feel like hearing any music right now to be honest. Well, at least my headache has provided me with some writing material of the day. Kind of random, but it is what it is, every day can’t be amazing. I’m a bit scared to eat edibles now, it feels more intense now that it’s not an everyday thing, even with such a small dose, and I can’t help but feel like I could have avoided a lot of pain today if I would have stayed sober like the past few days. It could also be that the weed is making me more sensitive to the consequences of not taking care of myself, like not sleeping well and not eating anything from. 6am until 2pm. If you get anything out of this post it might just be a reminder to watch your habits and health, to make sure you’re taking care of yourself and sleeping and eating right. I also didn’t drink much water during the first half of the day, so there’s that also, i just thought of that. I guess the next goals I’ll be setting will have to do with sleeping a certain amount of hours a night, and maybe drinking a set amount of glasses of water per day. Much love to you all, stay healthy and hydrated, and remember to get enough rest.

much love

~ rebel eye

DAY 30 (1000 WORDS, 3rd attempt)

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One of the first books I ever read which inspired me greatly was Jack Kerouac’s “On The Road.” I don’t remember how exactly I decided to read that book, but by the time I finished reading it I was determined to one day travel the world and find whatever was waiting for me far, far away from home. I guess I ended up reading On The Road because I was always fascinated with hippie culture and history, which eventually lead me to look into the beat generation and their literature. I’ve always sensed that something is off in society, and it felt really cool to learn about a group of people who one day challenged the standard way in which society worked, taking a stand against materialism and war, and embracing spirituality and community, living with presence rather than for money and success. As I’ve grown up, I’ve come to realize that I probably romanticized the whole thing way too much, and that, although their hearts were in the right place, it takes a lot more than non-conformity to actually make a positive change in the world. This doesn’t change the fact that I still feel like a hippie at heart. I’ve always thought that living life on one’s own terms, staying true to oneself, is what really matters in life, far more than success or wealth. Today it doesn’t seem like most people would agree. Most people are trying to chase dollars, to accumulate as much money as they can, living in fear of being left behind, of never having enough, of not having anything to pass down to their future generations. It seemed amazing to me, to read about Dean and Sal’s adventures as they made their way through the United States, hitchhiking, drinking and meeting new people. I wanted that so bad. They weren’t worried about the future, they were ecstatic about the now and going wherever life took them. I’ve always admired that a lot, having the courage to face the unknown and to really embrace whatever life has to offer us wherever we may go. I also have always been super interested in strange things, everything weird from mysticism to psychedelics, and basically drugs in general. I guess what both mysticism and drugs have in common are altered states of consciousness. I know there wasn’t much of that on On The Road, but that was even better because these guys were actually enjoying life sober, just high off life itself, apart from some beers here and there. Actually, now that I think about it there was probably more alcohol than I remember. I always wanted to live like that, and I’m a bit sad to say that my dreams of adventure haven’t really come true. I don’t mean to blame the world, but the fact is that the idea I had of the world when I was a kid doesn’t really match what I started noticing as I became older. The world now seems like a cold and heartless place, and it gets worse as time goes by because we are all becoming more isolated and divided. Rather than coming together and bonding over our shared consciousness as human beings, we close ourselves off from others because of things such as politics and religion. In a way I guess my dreams have come true. I travelled back to Honduras, my home country, and I met my wife Maria there, as well as some great new friends. I guess I just expected more adventure, more running around from here to there, more of a hippie life. Maybe I did get the hippie life I wanted, but it just wasn’t what I thought it would be. I did party a lot with a lot of people, using all kinds of substances, I had a lot of laughs over the years, but it seems like a lot of it was just super shallow, like there was no substance. Perhaps I was expecting too much, I expected philosophy, to find a deep meaning in everything, and instead I noticed how people are mainly focused on their day to day activities or on “making it” in some form or another. I don’t know if things have always been like this, but I suspect that the more we merge with technology, the more we advance technologically, the farther away we seem to step from trying to find any deep meaning in life, or even thinking about it. Maybe we all think about life and its meaning, but maybe we’re all too afraid to discuss these things with others, so we choose to engage in small talk instead. I realize that, over the years, as I started feeling like life wasn’t really like the idea of life that I had in my mind, I started closing myself off from life and people in general, and I wonder if this is what happens to many of us. Children are magic, they’re full of dreams and passion, they’re excited for life, they don’t need any external stimuli. They say what they think without fear of ridicule. It’s only when we start growing up that we start to see how the world works, and it feels like dreaming will keep us from functioning and succeeding in society. Maybe this makes us close ourselves off from others, further amplifying the feeling that the world is a cold and lonely place. I don’t really know, I’m just trying to make sense of it. I have to be grateful for my life though. I haven’t travelled all over the world as I wanted to, but at least I got to immerse myself in my own culture again, which I had left behind at the age of nine when my parents moved to Canada, and I even met my amazing wife there which I wouldn’t change for anything in the world. I also travelled to Brazil, where I met some family from my dad’s side, and I also met a lot of cool people there and partied in some beautiful beaches. I love travelling to places and immersing myself in the culture, and living there for a good while. For now I’m just focused on establishing some solid ground to stand on, trying to finally make something happen with my music, while I’m in Canada, but I really can’t wait for another adventure, to travel somewhere else and feel like I’m on the move again. I guess I’ll always be a hippie at heart.

much love

~ rebel eye

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DAY 27 (1000 WORDS, 3rd attempt)

Not sure what to write about tonight, really. I guess I’ll just write about everything going on right now. I’m uploading daily beats, I’m writing my daily words, I’m trying to exercise every second day, whether jogging or doing yoga. It feels weird doing everything sober though, since I’m so used to being stoned all the time. I’ve been feeling weird sensations in my chest when I move, as well as a general shortness of breath, nothing extreme but just annoying. At first it was making me go crazy with anxiety, but after researching for a bit I’ve become convinced that it has to do with me cutting down on weed since I see a lot of posts from ex-smokers of many years who share similar stories. It makes sense also because the discomfort started pretty much a few weeks after I first started my goal of cutting down on bud. I’ve been smoking weed since I was basically twelve, and I’m 27 now, so I have a lot of readjusting to do. I’ve learned some new things from my research, such as the fact that THC is a bronchodilator, meaning that it expands the airways in the lungs or something like that (I’m not the best at explaining medical terms) so quitting quickly can have the opposite effect on the lungs and cause bronchospasms. I haven’t smoked weed in about a month now, but my idea wasn’t to completely quit, just to switch to edibles and to cut down on my consumption in general. I guess what I’m experiencing is a combination of my lungs starting to heal from all the constant smoking over the years, as well as me feeling the effect of no longer having the bronchodilator effect of THC so often. It should pass with time from what I’ve read, but I’m definitely never going back to smoking the same way as I did before. In fact, I’ll only smoke once a month or something, if even that, and just eat way smaller doses of edibles, maybe just 2 days a week. It’s crazy, I never even knew this kind of thing could happen from quitting weed, and although I’m not blaming weed in any way, it just goes to show how nothing is meant to be abused, and everything has to be done or used in moderation. I was definitely abusing weed for so many years, it was good for everything and wasn’t harmful like other drugs. It made everything way more interesting and chill, so I just rolled with it. Ever since I’ve gotten really into spirituality, years ago, I’ve been planning on cutting down just because I realize that we have all we need within us, and that attachments are what cause suffering in life. A classic example is how a drug addict feels shitty I’d they can’t have their drug of choice, which in my case is weed. I now have to readjust to real life, and get back out into the world, leaving my peaceful inner world on the side for some time. This is actually why I finally made the decision to cut down, because I was planning to go hard with my music and to finally get serious about it make the dream happen. I for sure didn’t expect to have this kind of reaction though. Anyway, I’m not trying to complain, I just think that too many people, assuming that weed is all good and can cause no issues because it’s natural and relatively safe for recreational use, don’t bother to do any research, and end up abusing it in order to mask their real feelings and escape from uncomfortable realities that may cause anxiety of depression. As I’ve been learning from Carl Jung, anxiety is with us for a reason, so that we may analyze the way we are living and make a change, but if we just mask our anxiety and never face it, then what will happen when we finally decided to put that mask away? Will we be able to deal with all the unacknowledged anxiety that has been building within us? Well, it’s tough but I know I can do it, I know I got this. I just have to keep focusing on what I’m doing, creating dope music and expressing my deepest ideas and feelings through my lyrics, which is what I’ve always been inspired to do with my raps. I have a beautiful loving wife who supports me through all of life’s ups and downs, and I have a good family I can count on as well. I’m still healthy, thank God, apart from the aforementioned issues, so I gotta focus on exercising as often as I can and eating healthier as well. I know that everything will be okay in the end. Other than that, I’m just really excited about life and where this music thing will take me. I’m almost done my next album, Rebel Spirit, which will be released on all streaming platforms, and I’m really feeling how all the tracks are sounding so far. Oh, something else I’ve noticed during my sober days is that I’m getting really tired and sleepy at times. When I used to get high all the time I would sometimes stay up until 3 or 4am, just fascinated by whatever ideas I was learning or whatever music I was creating. Now I actually feel tired, as I do right now while I yawn, and I know that means it’s time to go to sleep. I guess it’s because things don’t seem so interesting anymore, even things I love with a passion, like philosophy and music, but I know this will pass with time, it’s just part of withdrawal from being used to constant weed stimulation. I’m not sure what else to write for now, but I suspect I’m close to finishing today’s thousand words, so I’ll just end this on a positive note. I wish everyone out there the best in life, stay balanced and healthy, and I pray you have the power to break any chains and attachments you feel you need to grow from. It’s not easy, but moving on to a new stage of life often requires painful sacrifices, leaving behind some of the things that we strongly identified with in the past. It’s time to grow, to become new, stronger, wiser people.

much love

~ rebel eye

DAY 11 (1000 WORDS, 3rd attempt)

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I can’t think of much to write tonight, to be honest. I sit here and stare at the screen for a few minutes though, and then I just start writing about how I don’t know what to start writing about. I know I have to start writing, there’s only an hour left and I can’t fail my daily goal. If I just start writing I know I can go from there, something will come to me. Wow, look at that! I’m half a paragraph in, although it seems like I already wrote about this recently… about what, exactly? Am I writing about writing again? Well, I am writing about how I don’t know what to write. That’s okay though because I’ve been thinking about how I need to be more spontaneous. Yeah, it’s good to have an order in life, but in between posting this daily message, posting my daily beat for sale, and working my nine to five, it starts to seem like too much of a routine. Now, this is not to say that I want to stop, no way! I’m only getting started and I’m excited to see where consistency will take me this time around, now that I’m finally taking it, and myself, seriously. I do, however, wish that life was more exciting and spontaneous at times. I’ve finally realized that I need to start with myself, otherwise nothing different will ever happen. Then again, maybe life staying the way it is isn’t so bad after all, I’m happy with my wife, I’m healthy, I love making music and writing, and apart from working at a call center from home I don’t have to deal with too many crazy situations since I barely go outside other than to buy things or once in a while to meet up with a friend, which is not too often. Things weren’t always like this, I used to have many “friends” and used to go out and party every week, maybe multiple times a week, and get drunk and all sorts of fucked up, but that all changed after I moved to Honduras and stayed there for three years, where I met Maria who later became my wife. It’s crazy how in life you can’t have it all at once. I love my wife and wouldn’t trade our relaxed life together for anything in the world, but I still wish we went out to hang out with friends every once in a while or something. Then I see what’s going on with a lot of people in the world and it makes me not wanna deal with any of it. Why ruin what we have? And I don’t mean in the sense of me cheating on her or anything crazy like that, I’m just thinking like, what do I have to look for out in the world other than problems? I have my wife here and there’s no need to go anywhere or complicate our life. I know it’s probably not the healthiest way of life but I gotta be honest. I hate to sound pessimistic about the world or about people, but sometimes I really feel just like Bukowski said “I don’t hate people …I just feel better when they’re not around.” I actually do care about people and I’ve always hated injustice with a passion, but it seems to me like most people are not looking to engage in meaningful conversation with others, but rather promote an idea, whether political or religious, or some idea of morality or about the right way to live life. Everyone has all the answers figured out, except for the answer to the question of how to get along with each other. So much trouble over racism, over sexism and homophobia, over politics, over ideologies. As soon as you say one thing you get labelled or cancelled, so no one can have an honest debate. It’s crazy to me how a lot of people don’t see this, they don’t see the classic manipulation that’s purposely put in place in order to divide us and have us fighting against each other so that we can’t focus on being free. It’s scary to think about how well engineered all the propaganda is nowadays, how interwoven everything is, how Facebook and Google knowing everything about us, and how our access to basic services can be cut off at any time, and it’s becoming easier and easier as things become more electronic. Again, we can’t have everything in life. We have newer technology, but along with it comes a new, perhaps invisible, danger. Along with technology may come disease, but then we create medicine to cure disease. Is everything ultimately good or ultimately bad? I don’t have the answers at all, but I think I just might have close to a thousand words, after having just taken you all on this crazy train of thought along with me. Just copied and pasted this post onto Word and saw I have like 800 words. Not bad, my estimate was pretty close. See, I love writing because of this, I can write and just have fun as I document a random moment in my mind, a moment that is forever gone in time and I’ll never recover. Maybe I will though, if I read this blog post sometime in the future. Random ideas… why did God or the universe will it for these ideas to get documented? Why not the ideas I had this morning? Why didn’t I have other ideas right now, for this post? Where do ideas even come from? Well, I like Paracelsus’ thoughts on the matter, but it’s not for sure. It’s something I’ve written about in another post, and maybe might explore in another post in the future. I appreciate anyone who’s reading, blessings to you and yours.

much love

damn, 977, I was sure I had a thousand! Don’t forget to show the ones you love you appreciate them! Time is not unlimited, and we never know how long is left, so let’s make every moment count! Thought I’d end it on a super positive note with a message that can’t hurt anybody!

again, much love

~ rebel eye (1031 words without counting my name!)

What I was listening to as I wrote this.

DAY 5: Eternal Words (1000 WORDS, 3rd attempt)

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Day 5 of writing a thousand words from my mind. I’m glad I’m sticking with this goal so far, it’s only been five days but I’m feeling really motivated to keep this going this time. The second time I attempted to do this daily I got up to Day 81, then when I failed it I basically didn’t post anything else on here for like two years. That was from August 2019 to now. I can say I’m finally getting back into writing, and it feels good. Writing is weird in a way. It’s such a simple thing but it can get really complex. How do we know when it’s good or bad writing that we’re reading? It’s all subjective isn’t it? When is a piece of writing finished? Couldn’t we always find another fancier word to convey our message? Writing a novel is complex, every little word matters, every choice makes a different to the overall story. Writing can be complicated in such a way, or it can be simple. Free writing is basically just thinking, but writing down what we’re thinking, or as much of what we’re thinking as we can before our mind is invaded by the next thought. So what exactly is it about writing thoughts down that makes them special? Wouldn’t the same ideas be just as brilliant if they hadn’t been written down? Ah, but that’s the thing, how would we have ever encountered these ideas in the first place, had they not been written down? Often times I feel really inspired by something I read in a book because it deeply resonates with a thought or emotion of my own, maybe one that I hold deep inside and would struggle to put into words if I tried, so I just don’t try. It’s cool to find that someone else has thought about the same thing as you and agrees with you, even if most of the planet might not necessarily see things in that way. Some of the ideas in my mind can get so complex and confusing, and sometimes it feels like I’ve been going over an idea for quite a while without reaching any conclusion. Suddenly something I read shines a light on that whole subject and shows me that I can look at the situation in a completely different way from anything I’d even considered. Whether it’s reinforcing an idea that I already have, or providing a new perspective for me to consider, it’s crazy to me how powerful written words can be, how the correct combination of words used to transmit an idea from someone’s mind can resonate so much with another person, even thousands of years after the writer has passed away. As Marcus Aurelius stated “What we do in life echoes in eternity.” What we do means everything we do, including whatever we write. It’s insane to think that his famous book Meditations, was never even meant for others to read. It was basically like a journal of sorts for him, he just wanted to write some ideas down, and here we are, reading them and listening to them thousands of years later. What if he had chosen to simply think these thoughts, but didn’t ever think to write them down? All religions have their holy books, which are presumably thousands of years old. What would religion be without those words? Now, I won’t get into a date on whether life would be better or worse without things such as religion, but if there was no religion because there was no writing, then you can be sure that there would be a lot more missing in the world, like music and art, even basic education. What would we be? We would be nothing like what we are today. That’s why, as a writer and a musician, it can be hard for me to write sometimes. For any generic radio rapper the task might be really easy, it’s common knowledge that sex, drugs and violence are mostly what sell. It doesn’t take much effort two write a few half-assed bars about how much money you have and how many women you’re having sex with. Yeah, these rappers are what society would call “successful” and who can argue? They have big mansions and luxury cars, every high school boy wants to be them, to be as successful with women as they are, to have everyone look up to you. Are they properly calculating the cost of that success though? Everything has a price, and everything requires some sacrifice. If you essentially sell your talent and allow the industry to tell you what to make music about, yeah, you will get the financial reward, the peace of mind of not having to worry about money anymore, but what about your impact on the planet and on those who are listening to you? What will come to you as a result of all of this? What are trying to promote with your words, positivity or negativity? Hope, or anger and resentment? Do you want the world of the future to be more focused on humanity, on empathy, on how to move forward and help one another to grow? Or would you rather have the young men of tomorrow measure their success by how many cars they own or how many women they can sleep with? Doesn’t this also imply that women are no more than sexual objects, possessions to be acquired? I don’t think any of this is right, but sadly this is where we’re headed as a society, every day we are falling more in love with materialism, and forgetting how to love and uplift one another. So what can you do? What can I do? Well, some of us are fortunate enough to be able to provide help to others who are not in the best situations. If you have no money though, what’s stopping you from writing? I’m simply writing my thoughts here, just like Marcus Aurelius decided to do when he wrote what would later become Meditations. I don’t know what you’ll take from this post, what anyone who reads it will take from it, but I am sure you will get more out of it than if the ideas were just left to float around in my head. I appreciate anyone who’s reading this, I believe that we were meant to connect in this way. Remember, put your heart and soul into all that you do, and if your intentions are pure, most likely you’ll be influencing the world in a positive way.

Much love

~ rebel eye

DAY 2: 1000 WORDS (3rd attempt)

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Day 2, 1000 words, let’s go! The main topic I wrote about yesterday was my music and how I’m slowly but surely becoming a much more professional musician, and what I’ve been doing to make that happen. I mentioned a few things such as mastering making beats on the MPC One, apart from FL Studio, which has always been my go-to program for beats, and leaving days off from getting stoned so that I have a much clearer head, which might not always be necessary for coming up with funky rhythms while in the zone, but is definitely needed at this point in order to try to promote my brand effectively. One thing I didn’t mention on my first post though, was that I’ve also started learning to play the guitar. When I was in high school my mom signed my brother and I up for guitar classes at the recreation center since she knew I was into music. I bought an acoustic guitar and we went to a few classes, but it didn’t materialize into anything. I just didn’t have the discipline back in those days, my mind was on a bunch of other crazy shit. I kept the guitar though, it’s just been sitting there in a storage room for all these years, so recently I had the idea of picking it back up and just finally getting down to business and learning to play it. After having watched tutorial after tutorial in order to learn the ins and outs of the MPC, which is basically a DAW inside of a groovebox, and eventually becoming quite comfortable with it, feeling like I’ve mastered it, I’ve become amazed at how much I enjoy learning about music, and how easy it is for me to learn as long as I enjoy what I’m learning. For so long, my idea of myself as a musician was that of a rapper, and a producer on the side, although I’ve always been able to pump out a lot more beats than songs. I’ve made trip-hop beats, techno beats, but never really released them, or even most of my hip-hop beats, since I just always preferred to promote the image of myself as a rapper. I never really look into things like mixing and mastering, or into getting the best quality equipment I could, I just stuck with what I knew, my laptop and USB mic, and FL Studio for beats. As long as I could rap good and it sounds good that’s good enough, right? That’s not necessarily the case. There’s a joy in learning and improving, and even though my music might be already good, there’s no telling how much better, cleaner or fuller it could sound with different effects and sounds, and with more experience with music in general. Music is a never-ending learning journey, just like life is, and I’m really excited to be immersing myself into it fully, like I should have done years ago. These days I no longer care about promoting myself exclusively as a rapper, as a producer, or as any other specific label. I’ve come to realize that I just love music, all kinds of music, and want to create as many different styles of it as I can! I’m a musician, a writer, and an artist, not just a rapper or producer. Recently I’m completed two instrumental albums which are basically ready for release now, just playing with some new mixing and mastering tricks I’ve been learning and they should be ready to go within a month or two. One is a techno/trance album which will be titled “life in color”, and the other is a chill, trip-hop type of album, titled “dawn of a new day.” I’m slowly releasing singles from both of them and they should drop around the same time, within a few months. I’ve also got my own solo rap album on the way, Rebel Spirit, and, having recently released our newest joint mixtape together, The Come Up 10, Kalvonix and I are already hard at work on our next project, The Come Up 11, with no signs of stopping anytime soon. Stress has always been a big part of my life, unfortunately, but it’s great to get back into doing things I love, to discover a newly refreshed love for music in all its forms. These days I usually make a beat or two, maybe one in FL Studio and one in the MPC, or I might even connect the MPC to my PC on controller mode and open up the MPC Beats program inside FL Studio, which allows me to combine sounds from my MPC and my computer to create a complex instrumental. I might be writing some rhymes to some of my beats, or practicing guitar, or watching tutorials on gear I don’t have (yet), preparing for my future in music. With God’s blessings and with all the positive energy I can possibly pour into this endeavor, I hope to go far now that I’m finally taking this seriously. A final message to anyone out there, it’s never too late as long as you’re willing to put in the work and get yourself back on your feet and back on track! Today I was experimenting with different possible setups for filming my YouTube tutorial videos. I need a camera facing me and a camera facing down at the MPC screen, since I’ll start the channel off with MPC tutorials. Unfortunately, the GoPro mount that I bought and just received today wasn’t long enough to film properly above the MPC screen without obstructing the way for me to play the pads, so I thought of using my phone to record the MPC from above, and to use the GoPro with the mount to film myself from the side. All of the audio, both from the MPC and from the Rode NT1 microphone, are going into the Scarlett 4i4 audio interface and being routed into FL Studio, so I only need to figure out the video side of things now and I should be good to go. I’m excited about this new venture, my YouTube channel, since it seems a bit more realistic than blowing up as a musician might be. Not saying I won’t make it in music, but if YouTube is an open door then there’s no point in not taking the risk, and hopefully it drives some viewers to my music as well, whether it’s on Spotify or Bandcamp, or even right on YouTube.

To be continued tomorrow on Day 3 of 1000 Words.

Much love

rebel eye

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DAY 1 (1000 WORDS: 3rd attempt)

1000 Words, Day 1 once again. My last post of the 1000 Words a Day series was Day 81, back in August of 2019, so it’s been three years! Wow, time sure flies by. I hope I can stay on track and keep on writing for a much, much longer consecutive period of time this time around. I also plan to write in a bit of a more stream-of-consciousness fashion, just to get more ideas out of my head and onto the blog. I feel like I have a lot of cool or important thoughts floating around in my mind, some of them for quite a while now, that maybe I just don’t know how to adequately express, so I just kind of avoid writing about them, and I feel that if I don’t stop to think so much anymore about having everything all organized and about the exact structure of a post and about where everything should be written or if it’ll all make sense, that I might be able to let more of these ideas out into the light. I have to keep resisting the temptation to read back on what I’ve written so far, and just keep on writing! Before I get into today’s main topic I just want to quickly apologize to anyone who may have been following this series of mine a few years ago and then I suddenly stopped writing. I know it’s probably not many people if any at all, but I just thought I should mention that just in case. So the main thing I want to let you guys know about today is what I’ve been up to for these past three years, since it all comes down to something I’m currently super excited about and hope to share with the world. I’ve always loved music, I have some music reviews on this blog, and I especially love creating music, since I was about 10 or 11. I started with rapping because I liked the flow and the beats and everything about it, and also because I felt really inspired by some of the lyrics, mainly 2Pac lyrics. I started making beats on FL Studio early on as well, just to have my own beats to go along with my rhymes. I have a bunch of my music out everywhere, but to be honest, I never took it as seriously as I should. I mean, I thought I was taking it seriously, but recently I’ve realized that I wasn’t. I was always partying too much back in the day, and even when I completely stopped partying because I started getting into philosophy and spirituality, I was still not doing all that I could for my music. I’ve sure learned a lot throughout the years because I’ve kept making beats and rapping, but other than making a lot of music, I really should have promoted myself a lot more and got my music out there, plus I’m not making as many songs as I used to back then, at least on the rapping side. I’m still relatively young, but I know I definitely would have had an advantage if I went hard twelve years ago when I first started actually recording music at fifteen. Some of my favorite raps of mine are even from back in those days. Anyway, that’s just to provide some history, not to whine about the past. What I’m excited about now is that I finally decided to change that. Nothing is getting in my way this time, I’m no longer constantly immersed in a weed high, I’m setting goals not to get baked a couple days a week, and I’m not partying or drinking at all, or even hanging out with anyone at all, really, other than my amazing wife. I know it’s not necessarily the healthiest, not to hang out with any friends, but at this point I feel like I really just need to make this happen while I still have a bit of time. For a while I was actively avoiding even promoting myself, because I felt like, and I still feel like, fame is not necessarily the best thing that can happen to someone, especially if you have a lot of personal problems to solve or demons to face. My mind changed simply because I’d rather spend a lifetime doing what I love, which is creating music, writing, sharing ideas, than to be stuck at a 9-to-5 job forever, so I absolutely have to make it happen. On a deeper level though, I’ve been feeling like it’s important to put positive ideas out into the world, that if I have positive things to say I shouldn’t keep quite, I should say what’s on my mind, even if it might interfere with my peaceful happy life. So lately I’ve been writing rhymes, but not quickly like before, I’m trying to write inspirational rhymes, taking my time so that what I write and record is something memorable and motivational, not just another rap about all the trash most modern rappers are always yapping about. I’ve also learned the MPC workflow on my MPC One pretty well so far so now I’m creating my own beats in FL Studio and on the MPC. I put time into learning the basics of studio equipment to make sure I’ve got a clear sound, and I upgraded my gear and I’m finally recording on and audio interface with studio monitors and everything, rather than a laptop and USB mic like back in the day. If you believe in yourself you have to invest in yourself. The main thing I’m excited about though, is that with all this learning I’ve been doing, I’ve come up with the idea of making tutorials to show others how to set their equipment up and even how to make beats also, so I’ve got this whole idea for a YouTube channel unfolding. So yeah, big things are on the way! I’ve also recently started making music with my bro Kalvonix again, now that I’m back in Canada, and we recently released a mixtape together on all streaming platforms, The Come Up 10! It’s a continuation of our old mixtape series The Come Up, which we started about 11 years ago when we first met in high school. I’ll be going into everything in more detail as I keep on writing, and I appreciate anyone reading, I hope you’re as excited as I am! Much love fam.

~ rebel eye

1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 33: Still Sick and Wondering Why.

Still feeling sick. I think I really gotta get to the hospital soon to be honest, since every day I seem to feel the same thing. The strange thing is that, all day today I felt no symptoms. I felt great a lot of the time, I was finally able to help customers out with a good attitude over the phone. The past few days I’d had to disconnect myself since I felt no drive to speak with the customers, and also the air conditioner was way too cold for me to endure. I just went and sat outside and listened to a few songs before a mild headache started. Today everything was fine during the morning, and even while I was at work. When I got home everything was alright also, then I started feeling a bit cold, even though only the fan is on. I undoubtedly have a fever now, although it isn’t as severe as other days. This weak feeling makes my eyes burn every once in a while, and I really thought that today would be the day when I’d fail my goal of writing a thousand words a day. I dropped down on my bed for a while with Maria by my side, both comfortable and happy to be home from work. As we talked about a lot of things, that’s when my fever began to start. We ate, and read a Bible chapter of Ezra, the book we’re currently on. The only goals left to do are my writing and my twenty-minute meditation. I usually meditate in the mornings since Maria goes in to work before me, although we come home at the same time. Today I didn’t meditate at that time since i was completely absorbed by my reading of Huxley’s ‘The Perennial Philosophy.’ I also read today’s sutra on mindfulness of breathing. So most of my morning consisted of reading. I took out the trash as well, since the garbage truck comes by the house today. It comes by three days of the week, Monday, Wednesday and Friday, so we gotta remember to take out the trash on each of those days so it doesn’t accumulate. I ate some oatmeal in the morning also, which I prepared with honey, cold water and a bit of cinnamon. I’ve been trying to eat healthier to see if I can catch up on some of the nutrients and vitamins I may be missing, maybe that’s the reason for this illness I’ve been experiencing. What really motivated me to write right now, to not lose the goal no matter how I may be feeling, was something which I mentioned during the conversation I just had in bed with Maria. I mentioned that, if I continue writing every single day, when I’m older, even elderly, I will be able to look back on my thoughts during different stages of my development, and I will be able to learn from my past ideas and thoughts, to change what is necessary, and to remind myself of the useful things I’ve jotted down throughout the years. So, instead of allowing my fever to hold me back from continuing my goal which I’ve worked so diligently on for thirty plus days now, I decided to just write about it. The reason I wasn’t feeling like writing is because, with this illness and this feeling of weakness, I thought I couldn’t use my brain to come up with anything worth writing. I didn’t let resistance beat me though, and I’m proud of myself for it, as well as of my beautiful wife who motivated me with her understanding and caring conversation. If nothing deep comes from tonight’s piece then I apologize, since all you’ll get to read is some of my confusion about this sickness which has taken over me recently, which I have no clue what it is. I haven’t gone to the doctor since I’m scared of some bad news, although I don’t have much reason to believe that anything is seriously wrong with me. It’s mostly just fear with no reality behind it, and so Maria has been urging me to go to the doctor so I can at least find out the cause of my almost daily fevers. I think the time is coming, I’ll have to put my fear aside in order to face the truth of the matter. Since I thought it might be due to the fact that I’ve been eating less than I used to over the last year or so, I thought I could get better by simply eating more and healthier, but in all honesty it’s better to be sure of the problem. I’m feeling better now that I’m writing, and also I feel I’m more at peace with the fact that my writing won’t always be super profound and inspirational. I feel like I can finally accept that sometimes we just write for the sake of writing, and that there’s nothing wrong with that. To anyone who’s feeling any symptoms of illness, please do not ignore them! Go seek a professional who knows what’s going on. It might be too late later if you don’t realize it now. Hopefully this isn’t my case, I pray to God that I’m able to remain healthy and continue to enjoy life with my amazing wife. Also, I’ve been trying to remain grounded as much as possible in God, in the holiness within me, which is within us all, the Spirit which is beyond all duality, beyond all pleasure and pain, and which cannot be broken by any illness. To remain connected with this power is easier said than done, yet it is within our grasp, all of us humans can find this within us, if we are serious about it and are willing to put our attachments and aversions aside, and to be thankful and trust the process of life. Everything is part of life, including suffering and death, and if we can’t cultivate the right attitude regarding these facts of life, we are bound to always suffer much, much more than we need to. So I’m hoping for the best, but I’m also working on my mentality and strength of spirit so I can be ready for whatever news I receive.

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 34.

~ Rebel SpiritĀ 

1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 9: Reading is a Great Hobby.

For the last year and a half I’ve kept up a goal of reading a book every week, or every two weeks, or occasionally a month, depending on how many pages the book has, but usually it takes me a week to read a book of around 150-200 pages. I can honestly say that this long-term goal has greatly impacted me, even in such a short time. Reading is really an amazing thing. The more I read, the more I learn, the more I understand that I barely know anything at all. Before I started this goal, I thought reading was not that useful, that it was better just to live in the moment all the time and learn from experience. Although this is true to a certain extent, everything in life requires balance, and too many people live their lives completely ignorant of many important things that could greatly enrich their life experience. The more books I read, the more topics I want to research, the more books are added on to my list of books yet to read. So far most of my reading has been restricted to the areas of philosophy and spirituality. I do plan to read on many different topics, more secularĀ topics, eventually, but I started out just reading what interests me the most, which is understanding the spiritual nature of the universe, of the world, of life. I haven’t read the Bhagavad Gita, yet a few years ago before I even began this reading goal I did listen to an audio version of ‘The Bhagavad Gita: As It Is.’ The profound wisdom I was able to recognize in it really inspired me to investigate more into Eastern beliefs. I have studied quite a bit about Hinduism and Buddhism, more specifically Advaita Vedanta, and am currently on page 656 of the Complete Works of Swami Vivekananda as a result of my initial encounter with The Gita. The works of Swami Vivekananda are a continuous reading for me, along with the Bible and all the Buddhist sutras as well. Vedanta philosophy details very clearly our intimate connection with God and with the whole world, it reminds us that God is the very life within us. I’m not anywhere near ready to settle into any religion or tradition however, and am more interested in investigating the different ways in which the true mystics of all religions really stressed the same message of harmony. Some great books I’ve read regarding this are Nisargadatta Maharaj’s ‘I Am That’, and Rupert Spira’s ‘Being Aware of Being Awareg Aware of Being Aware’. Some other very insightful texts I’ve read are The Dhammapada, a collection of sayings of The Buddha, and the Tao Te Ching, Lao Tzu’s classic work on Taoism. This is another interesting area of study, and some interesting books on Taoism are Richard Wilhelm’s translation of The Secret of The Golden Flower, with commentary by Jung, and also Mantak Chia’s “Cultivating Male Sexual Energy.” There is another book by Chia which deals specifically with cultivating female sexual energy. I haven’t read it yet but will do so for sure, since the male book definitely opened my mind to a brand new concept. The book talks about how the male sperm, holding life within it in some sense, contains so many things which are beneficial to our physical and mental health, and it also has a spiritual dimension. The energy from the sperm, according to Chia, can be transmuted and guided upwards through the different energy centers of the body. He mentions that this can lead to mystical experiences of unity, as well as intense pleasure for both parties involved, after a prolonged period of love-making without ejaculation. This book has definitely added some extra motivation for me to completely quit watching porn and masturbating. It’s been quite a while since I engaged in either, and I’m super happy to say that, since now sex is something which focuses solely and completely on my wife. Now, speaking of Jung, I haven’t read much of his work, although I do want to get into it. The only book I read from him was ‘Man and His Symbols’, a look at the symbols and the archetypal patterns which rule our subconscious mind, and which are manifested within dreams, and beneath the surface of our everyday lives, in our decisions, in our preferences. This learning definitely put into perspective for me just how much of what we think, say, or do, could be unconscious. We don’t even know the next thought we will think. I feel like psychedelics are a great tool to connect with one’s subconscious, and some great books I’d recommend anyone to read before embarking on their first psychedelic voyage are James Fadiman’s ‘The Psychedelic Explorer’s Guide’, Albert Hofmann’s ‘LSD: My Problem Child’, Aldous Huxley’s ‘The Doors of Perception’, and Ram Dass’ ‘Be Here Now.’ The first three books I mentioned are exclusively on psychedelics, but ‘Be Here Now’ is one man’s journey from Harvard psychologist Richard Alpert, to psychedelic pioneer, to spiritual guru who would go on to give thousands of lectures around the work as well as to write many more books. ‘Be Here Now’ is a gem, an honest look into one person’s life, and into questions which we all ask ourselves. A recommended read for anyone, in my opinion. Apart from this, one audio book which I really enjoy by Ram Dass, recorded in his own calm and soothing voice, is ‘The Journey of Awakening.’ Every once in a while I listen to this audio, especially when I’m tripping. It does a great job of guiding one to a state of pure awareness, seeing all of one’s thoughts and emotions as separate, as if they will not break us, because they cannot shake what we truly are. There are too many great books I’ve read recently to mention all of them on this one post, but I just thought I’d mention a few here in case anyone is interested in reading some new books. Currently I’m reading Aldous Huxley’s ‘Island’. I’m only about 30 pages in but I’m enjoying it so far for sure, just as I enjoyed ‘Brave New World.’ I haven’t read any other books by Huxley, apart from the aforementioned ‘The Doors of Perception’, but I do plan to continue reading his books since his literary genius has become obvious to me even from the few books I’ve read by him. Soon I’ll be putting up reviews, or just summaries, or personal thoughts on a lot of the books I’ve been reading, for those who are interested. Until then, stay positive, friends! Find something to read, learn something new or just get lost in an exciting and thought-provoking story in a distant universe! There’s a lot to gain and nothing to lose from it.

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 9.

~ Rebel Spirit