DAY 33 (1000 WORDS, 3rd attempt)

Although I’m not even close to passing my previous record of 81 days straight of writing a thousand words for my blog, I’m actually thinking of cutting it down to 500 words a day. Now, you might be thinking that I’m starting to get lazy or running out of things to write about, but that’s not it. Today I was listening to some of my old music from back in 2012, and I realized that I really need to keep writing raps, constantly, if I want to keep improving and if I don’t want to lose the skill. I finally learned proper recording techniques, I finally picked up an audio interface this year and an XLR mic and I barely record any music at all, since I barely write any new music these days. I guess I just feel like whatever I write has to be really inspirational and poetic, which is kind of holding me back, whereas back in the day I feel like I could write songs in a flash. I’d like to say that it was because I didn’t focus so much on trying to say the right things, but a lot of the lyrics from my old songs are actually pretty good, so maybe it just might be that I’m falling off after not writing consistently for so long. I have a bunch of old rhyme books, some of those lyrics are recorded already and some never got recorded, others will never be recorded. Although I have all these old rhyme books though, I feel like I need to write something new and fresh, and this is what I’m thinking of doing: Instead of writing 1000 daily words for my blog, I’m gonna write 500 words, and I’ll write a full 16-bar verse every day, that way I’ll never run out of music to record and I’ll keep improving my lyric writing skills, not to mention my rapping itself since I’ll be practicing a lot more now that I’ll have lyrics to work with. This will probably also keep me from overthinking my writing, as I’ve been doing lately, since I’ll have to write a daily verse. I think it should be a cool exercise. I’d love to do that but there’s just no time, between making and trying to sell beats, between trying to learn guitar daily, to exercise for a half an hour, as well as writing on my blog and hanging out with my wife, not to mention working, there’s just no time to do both. I could complain for hours about how there’s not enough time to do what we really want to do in our current fast-paced way of life, but I know you don’t wanna hear that and I’ll probably just come across as whiny, so instead I’m just gonna cut the complaining right from the start and split my time across everything I love, strategically. So that’s the basic explanation for why I’m planning to start writing 500 words a day instead of a thousand. Today I’m writing a thousand words though, since I didn’t write a verse today, I barely just thought of the idea. While I’m writing about writing I thought I’d mention something else I’m really excited about, which is the fact that my wife Maria and I have been working on a novel together for about two or three years now. It’s about a couple who meets and falls in love and have some crazy adventures together. Basically the idea came up one day when we were out at the park on a sunny day smoking a joint and she started telling me the idea for the story, about a couple who meets and falls in love and travels the world, kind of based on us and what we would like out of life. I said that sounded cool, and we started chatting about ideas of things they could do on their adventures. I’ve always been inspired by novels that convey philosophical messages to the reader, or that simply provoke philosophical though through the scenarios in the story. Some books like this that have inspired me greatly are Aldous Huxley’s “Brave New World” and “Island.” I thought Maria wouldn’t mind if we threw some philosophical subjects into the mix, along with trippy things like psychedelic-like mind altering substances, maybe meeting some strange monks up on the mountains, and even time travel. Since we had our iPad with us we just started recording, and since then every once in a while whenever we went to the park to blaze we would always record our ideas for the novel, each time making it more intricate, creating connections between the characters and scenarios. Once we had a lot of recordings, about a hundred of them, I started transcribing them into a Word document. Not only transcribing but translating as well, since our conversations were half in English, half in Spanish. The novel touches upon a lot of important issues that I feel are relevant to life in our day and age, and I’m really excited to eventually publish it. Recently I finished transcribing all of the recorded voice notes into the Word document, so the next step is to actually write the conversations, write the detailed descriptions of the places and scenarios that will take place. Right now we basically just have the words we spoke for the voice notes, now it’s time for me to take all of that and write the story out of it, so we’re nowhere near done with it, but it’s definitely in the works. I think I’m close to today’s thousand words so I’ll just wish all of you amazing people out there a great night, I appreciate every single person reading this, since that’s basically my whole point in writing this, getting my ideas out into the world and to other people so they won’t make my mind eventually explode! Blessings to you and yours. Until tomorrow and keep being awesome and pursuing your dreams!

much love

~ rebel eye

1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 57: True Love.

I hope we can all find true love and affection in life. I used to date just for fun, for casual sex and for my ego to have someone to call its own. I can’t imagine ever going back to that mentality now that I’ve experienced the blessing of real romantic love and affection. I couldn’t imagine waking up without my wife, without the person I’ve grown to love so much, who I keep on learning to love more and more as the days go by. We are about to celebrate two years of marriage. In total we’ve been together for like five years now, and it’s been so amazing to share so many wonderful moments with her throughout those years. I don’t claim to be an expert at living life, and I’m not really too sure how I ended up with such an amazing lady, but I’m sure glad life worked out the way it did, and I pray it continues on the same course. No matter who you’re with, what really matters in a relationship is commitment and communication. There needs to be open communication between both partners, and even then there will be misunderstandings, but the goal is to lower their frequency. When there is true commitment, both partners are willing to put in the necessary work for a relationship to continue to run smoothly, acknowledging that trouble is bound to come no matter how careful we are, but that with the power of the love which we share we will be able to overcome it. If this is not something which is understood then any small problem can break a relationship’s foundation. It is much easier to call it quits than it is to put aside our pride and at least attempt to make things work out. I knew that it was meant to be for Maria and I when I understood that we shared this common attitude towards love, towards our own relationship. We may have a whole lot of differences, but the main thing that matters is that we are both fully committed to each other. Some might say we are both deluded, and that one of us is bound to abandon the other as soon as things get really tough, but the truth can only be known by those having the experience anyway. We must each use our discernment when choosing a partner, especially when we are considering one for an entire lifetime, but all I can personally do is relate my own experience of what I believe to be my relationship with the woman that I was destined to be with, my life partner, my wife. When two people who share this attitude of sincere commitment to each other come together, this is when true love can blossom and grow. When we are not ready to face the daily battle of sacrificing our own desires for the good of those we love, if we are looking for all we can gain from a relationship without considering what we can contribute to it, then we are not ready for real love. Love is not selfish, and is always looking for the good of the beloved, attempting to love the beloved as itself. We must at least love our life partner as we do ourselves, if we are not yet capable of loving our neighbors and the whole world’s population as we love ourselves. When there is true connection, sexual embrace and union take on a brand new dimension, a holy aspect. When there is true connection, when trust and true love has been established between two lovers then the whole character of a relationship is holy in a way, it is the truest form of union there can be. Every day I thank God for the opportunity of sharing my life with my wife, and I pray for the strength to love her even more than I love myself, to exceed her expectations and to become fully selfless towards her, to know her always more and more, to become completely united. We all need to cherish those we claim we love, we should appreciate everything about them. I never used to think of these things when I was living the party life, when I dated girls here and there just based on appearance and nothing more. When we live in this way, we come to believe that love is a mere superstition, and that sexual pleasure is the highest human pleasure possible. We chase sexual pleasure all our lives when we think in such a way. We become completely ignorant to the truth that sexual pleasure can never compare to, and can only be truly experienced and enjoyed when it is a product of, true love. We take the idea of love away from sex, so that we can commercialize sex and ridicule love. We do this since we are afraid to be vulnerable, we are afraid to truly be one with another, to part ways with our own selfish need to fulfill our own pleasures whenever we wish. When we come to experience true love in a romantic relationship, there is always a deep connecion which keeps both partners in a state of understanding, of forigveness and of support for each other. There is no blame, no using each other to gain anything. My wife and I use our debit cards interchanghably, and we work at the same company. We use the same phone most of the time, there is nothing to hide, no secrets. How much destructive stress is generated by lying and cheating, why not dedicate oneself to growing one’s relationship or marriage instead of chasing limitless sexual pleasure? In such a loveless society as we live in now, it is no wonder that so many people have cut out love from their hearts, that so many people have romantic relationships which are completely devoide of love. I wonder why the miracle happened to me, perhaps so that I could grow up and have something, someone, to live for, to truly love.

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 58.

~ Rebel Spirit

1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 55: The Lessons You’ve Taught Me.

You make me see that things are not always as they seem, you make me appreciate the power of love, something I never believe in before. You taught me compassion, communion, you helped me to see that so much of my confusion was only a choice. You made me realize that I had a choice, to be free or to keep on struggling in my mental prison, to let go and to allow myself to be loved, to let go of the past that was keeping me down, or to keep on holding on to an illusion of myself. I knew when I met you, that life was providing me with an opportunity which I couldn’t refuse, that God was granting me with a precious gift, one that I couldn’t completely understand at the time, but which I knew, without a doubt, came as a form of divine grace. Such love doesn’t just come unexpected, to someone who doesn’t even believe in the very idea of it. Perhaps deep within I always believed and wanted it, perhaps it was something which was attracted by an intense yet hidden desire. I always wanted a true companion, a woman to share my thoughts with, my ideas on life, to reflect and to build together, to help each other move along through the struggles of life, to listen to her and do support her. I do remember wanting that long ago, my parents were always an amazing example of this for me. As I began to grow, to date, I forgot about this idea, about love and romance, and I saw that people just wanted to party, both guys and girls wanted sex with no commitment. Unconsciously I developed a cynical view of life, since everything seemed so superficial, interactions between people I knew seemed so meaningless, so I decided to join the fun, to allow myself to become caught up in the drama, in the highs and lows of sensual living, I forgot all about ever finding a true life partner, since such an idea simply wasn’t cool. As I began to identify with certain ideas, different from my initial thoughts of love and companion, I began to believe I was an identity, I was a cool dude, I was not about to be chasing any girls down and I was not going to give in to them, I was going to keep it cool and fuck them and leave them, I thought I knew the game. There was no way I was allowing myself to be tied down, how could I if there were so many girls yet to meet, there was so much fun to have still? I never wanted to marry, I also began to take pride in having meaningless sex with as many attractive girls as I could, even when I knew, deep inside, that there was no merit in anything I was doing, that there was really nothing at all to be proud of. All along I craved that deeper connection, and then you came along into my life, completely out of the blue you appeared and stole my heart with your sweet voice. I see now that I was wrong about many things, your simple attitude towards life has convinced me that, even when everything is going wrong, even when everyone around us decides to do only what’s best for them, even then, we should mind our business, we should do our work, we should be ourselves, and we should always be happy about it, we should always do the best we can with the most positive attitude we can bring to the table. You’ve inspired me to become a fighter, before I didn’t see much of a purpose to fight for. I did see many things that were wrong with the world, but a part of me thought they were impossible to change, that life was meaningless because I couldn’t change all the things that were wrong with it. You’ve shown me greater depth than I could previously even imagine, and I thank you and I thank God for it every day, since I know there’s a profound reason for our coming together. I can’t wait to show you new places, which are old to me, and I’ve had a great time during these two years while meeting your family, immediate and extended. Life is great when we are together, you woke me up to the fact that even the most seemingly insignificant details are rich with meaning, that life is no further than here and now, and that we must never let anything get in the way of us being here for those we love and who love us, for being here and now, fully present for them whenever they may need us. You’ve taught me, and you continue teaching me, a lifelong lesson in sacrifice, in putting others before oneself, in working as a team, in making things work together, through proper and honest communication, through restraint on anger and on jumping to conclusions, through sincerity in all situations. You make me smile every day, it’s great to have a person I know I can trust, an embodiment of all that is good and true. You made me see that, before our time together, I had been chasing worthless thrills, I had been living life all wrong. You made me see that there is so much more good within us than we often want to accept, that we often can do much more for others than we wish to acknowledge, lest we feel obligated to do so. You don’t seem to realize it, but your personality has had such an impact on me, your kindness, your radiance and your happiness, they’ve really brightened up my life, I’m so happy to be with you and I can’t wait to see how these virtues continue to grow in you in the future. I wish you the best always, and I pray God blesses you forever, and that we may spend a long, long time together on Earth, and if possible then beyond as well.

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 56.

~ Rebel Spirit