1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 57: True Love.

I hope we can all find true love and affection in life. I used to date just for fun, for casual sex and for my ego to have someone to call its own. I can’t imagine ever going back to that mentality now that I’ve experienced the blessing of real romantic love and affection. I couldn’t imagine waking up without my wife, without the person I’ve grown to love so much, who I keep on learning to love more and more as the days go by. We are about to celebrate two years of marriage. In total we’ve been together for like five years now, and it’s been so amazing to share so many wonderful moments with her throughout those years. I don’t claim to be an expert at living life, and I’m not really too sure how I ended up with such an amazing lady, but I’m sure glad life worked out the way it did, and I pray it continues on the same course. No matter who you’re with, what really matters in a relationship is commitment and communication. There needs to be open communication between both partners, and even then there will be misunderstandings, but the goal is to lower their frequency. When there is true commitment, both partners are willing to put in the necessary work for a relationship to continue to run smoothly, acknowledging that trouble is bound to come no matter how careful we are, but that with the power of the love which we share we will be able to overcome it. If this is not something which is understood then any small problem can break a relationship’s foundation. It is much easier to call it quits than it is to put aside our pride and at least attempt to make things work out. I knew that it was meant to be for Maria and I when I understood that we shared this common attitude towards love, towards our own relationship. We may have a whole lot of differences, but the main thing that matters is that we are both fully committed to each other. Some might say we are both deluded, and that one of us is bound to abandon the other as soon as things get really tough, but the truth can only be known by those having the experience anyway. We must each use our discernment when choosing a partner, especially when we are considering one for an entire lifetime, but all I can personally do is relate my own experience of what I believe to be my relationship with the woman that I was destined to be with, my life partner, my wife. When two people who share this attitude of sincere commitment to each other come together, this is when true love can blossom and grow. When we are not ready to face the daily battle of sacrificing our own desires for the good of those we love, if we are looking for all we can gain from a relationship without considering what we can contribute to it, then we are not ready for real love. Love is not selfish, and is always looking for the good of the beloved, attempting to love the beloved as itself. We must at least love our life partner as we do ourselves, if we are not yet capable of loving our neighbors and the whole world’s population as we love ourselves. When there is true connection, sexual embrace and union take on a brand new dimension, a holy aspect. When there is true connection, when trust and true love has been established between two lovers then the whole character of a relationship is holy in a way, it is the truest form of union there can be. Every day I thank God for the opportunity of sharing my life with my wife, and I pray for the strength to love her even more than I love myself, to exceed her expectations and to become fully selfless towards her, to know her always more and more, to become completely united. We all need to cherish those we claim we love, we should appreciate everything about them. I never used to think of these things when I was living the party life, when I dated girls here and there just based on appearance and nothing more. When we live in this way, we come to believe that love is a mere superstition, and that sexual pleasure is the highest human pleasure possible. We chase sexual pleasure all our lives when we think in such a way. We become completely ignorant to the truth that sexual pleasure can never compare to, and can only be truly experienced and enjoyed when it is a product of, true love. We take the idea of love away from sex, so that we can commercialize sex and ridicule love. We do this since we are afraid to be vulnerable, we are afraid to truly be one with another, to part ways with our own selfish need to fulfill our own pleasures whenever we wish. When we come to experience true love in a romantic relationship, there is always a deep connecion which keeps both partners in a state of understanding, of forigveness and of support for each other. There is no blame, no using each other to gain anything. My wife and I use our debit cards interchanghably, and we work at the same company. We use the same phone most of the time, there is nothing to hide, no secrets. How much destructive stress is generated by lying and cheating, why not dedicate oneself to growing one’s relationship or marriage instead of chasing limitless sexual pleasure? In such a loveless society as we live in now, it is no wonder that so many people have cut out love from their hearts, that so many people have romantic relationships which are completely devoide of love. I wonder why the miracle happened to me, perhaps so that I could grow up and have something, someone, to live for, to truly love.

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 58.

~ Rebel Spirit

1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 55: The Lessons You’ve Taught Me.

You make me see that things are not always as they seem, you make me appreciate the power of love, something I never believe in before. You taught me compassion, communion, you helped me to see that so much of my confusion was only a choice. You made me realize that I had a choice, to be free or to keep on struggling in my mental prison, to let go and to allow myself to be loved, to let go of the past that was keeping me down, or to keep on holding on to an illusion of myself. I knew when I met you, that life was providing me with an opportunity which I couldn’t refuse, that God was granting me with a precious gift, one that I couldn’t completely understand at the time, but which I knew, without a doubt, came as a form of divine grace. Such love doesn’t just come unexpected, to someone who doesn’t even believe in the very idea of it. Perhaps deep within I always believed and wanted it, perhaps it was something which was attracted by an intense yet hidden desire. I always wanted a true companion, a woman to share my thoughts with, my ideas on life, to reflect and to build together, to help each other move along through the struggles of life, to listen to her and do support her. I do remember wanting that long ago, my parents were always an amazing example of this for me. As I began to grow, to date, I forgot about this idea, about love and romance, and I saw that people just wanted to party, both guys and girls wanted sex with no commitment. Unconsciously I developed a cynical view of life, since everything seemed so superficial, interactions between people I knew seemed so meaningless, so I decided to join the fun, to allow myself to become caught up in the drama, in the highs and lows of sensual living, I forgot all about ever finding a true life partner, since such an idea simply wasn’t cool. As I began to identify with certain ideas, different from my initial thoughts of love and companion, I began to believe I was an identity, I was a cool dude, I was not about to be chasing any girls down and I was not going to give in to them, I was going to keep it cool and fuck them and leave them, I thought I knew the game. There was no way I was allowing myself to be tied down, how could I if there were so many girls yet to meet, there was so much fun to have still? I never wanted to marry, I also began to take pride in having meaningless sex with as many attractive girls as I could, even when I knew, deep inside, that there was no merit in anything I was doing, that there was really nothing at all to be proud of. All along I craved that deeper connection, and then you came along into my life, completely out of the blue you appeared and stole my heart with your sweet voice. I see now that I was wrong about many things, your simple attitude towards life has convinced me that, even when everything is going wrong, even when everyone around us decides to do only what’s best for them, even then, we should mind our business, we should do our work, we should be ourselves, and we should always be happy about it, we should always do the best we can with the most positive attitude we can bring to the table. You’ve inspired me to become a fighter, before I didn’t see much of a purpose to fight for. I did see many things that were wrong with the world, but a part of me thought they were impossible to change, that life was meaningless because I couldn’t change all the things that were wrong with it. You’ve shown me greater depth than I could previously even imagine, and I thank you and I thank God for it every day, since I know there’s a profound reason for our coming together. I can’t wait to show you new places, which are old to me, and I’ve had a great time during these two years while meeting your family, immediate and extended. Life is great when we are together, you woke me up to the fact that even the most seemingly insignificant details are rich with meaning, that life is no further than here and now, and that we must never let anything get in the way of us being here for those we love and who love us, for being here and now, fully present for them whenever they may need us. You’ve taught me, and you continue teaching me, a lifelong lesson in sacrifice, in putting others before oneself, in working as a team, in making things work together, through proper and honest communication, through restraint on anger and on jumping to conclusions, through sincerity in all situations. You make me smile every day, it’s great to have a person I know I can trust, an embodiment of all that is good and true. You made me see that, before our time together, I had been chasing worthless thrills, I had been living life all wrong. You made me see that there is so much more good within us than we often want to accept, that we often can do much more for others than we wish to acknowledge, lest we feel obligated to do so. You don’t seem to realize it, but your personality has had such an impact on me, your kindness, your radiance and your happiness, they’ve really brightened up my life, I’m so happy to be with you and I can’t wait to see how these virtues continue to grow in you in the future. I wish you the best always, and I pray God blesses you forever, and that we may spend a long, long time together on Earth, and if possible then beyond as well.

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 56.

~ Rebel Spirit

1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 43: Maintaining A Happy Marriage.

Marriage can be something really special, if approached properly. The unification of two people as one, the commitment to make things work, to keep on moving through life’s hurdles together – these things are what create a truly unbreakable bond between two people. Before I got married, I did have some doubts about whether I would be making the right decision. I was only twenty-two, and many older people told me I was way too young, that I probably wasn’t seeing things in the proper light. I did take these comments into consideration, if only briefly, yet I didn’t let them faze me or cloud my judgment. I had to make this great decision on my own, I had an amazing girlfriend who was fully committed to me, who was down to earth and down to be there for me through thick and thin. I knew that it was time for me to return back home, and she didn’t have a visa to go with me. I knew that she was a decent girl in every sense, that her family would only really accept and respect me if we were married. Otherwise, there was no chance of her travelling anywhere with me. What could I do? I could appreciate this blessing and make things official after a period of working and saving u p some money, then returning to my birth country, or I could continue my life of partying and chasing thrills and girls in Vancouver, looking for wilder and wilder experiences, finding no true connection beyond the superficial. There was no doubt that we loved each other, just as we still do, whether married or not. The idea for the wedding so early in our relationship was really so that Maria could move back to Canada with me. We’re currently waiting on the paperwork to be processed, so in a couple more months, God willing, we should be catching a plane back to Vancouver. We aren’t intimidated by the changes that may come, even if my wife has never lived in cold weather. Honduras is known for its heat, so we will probably be getting her a lot of sweaters as soon as we arrive. I say that we aren’t intimidated by the changes that may come later in life since we are committed to each other and to always pushing through no matter what life may throw at us. In life, one always has a decision to make. Everything has a deeper dimension to it, every though, every idea, every connection, relationship, love. Everything can be approached in a superficial way, analyzed from a distance, from behind our twisted ways of perceiving all that we encounter, or it can be approached with respect, with a sincere attempt to fully understand, to become one with it, to really live each experience, and to fully live life as a whole. I knew that this was the time, I knew that she was the one. I knew that if I threw this away, then I would be throwing out something priceless, someone’s true love and affection, true commitment and connection, for random possibilities, for alcoholic hookups at clubs and house parties, for lonely nights surrounded by lots of shallow and empty-headed people. I knew that I had to make my life meaningful, that I had to honor the meaningful connection which had touched both our hearts and so greatly impacted both our lives during the time we spent together in Honduras. I can see now that U made the right decision, as following what we know is truly meaningful and worth pursuing can never steer us in the wrong direction. There’s less than a month left now until we celebrate our two year anniversary, so I know I have to think of something really special, not because of any obligation, but in order to show Maria how much I appreciate everything she means to me, everything she does as she keeps her part of the deal in this marriage game. Marriage is great for spiritual work as well, a firsthand experience of merging one’s life with someone else’s. The only way it can work is if each person sacrifices some things, sometimes, in order to be in agreement with the other. Each person should learn from one another, we should learn from our wife or husband’s strengths and weaknesses, just as we should learn from our own, and we should try to gently help each other out, so that we may cut some of the suffering of life from each other’s experience, as we share every tear and every laugh together, making tragedy more bearable, making love even more glorious. Random acts of kindness, always finding an opportunity to help, always telling each other how much you mean to each other, these are things that are needed to keep love flowing. Even after marriage, one should never become lazy and suddenly stop the old habits one previously had, habits which made both of you fall in love in the first place. If the love is true then even these issues can be worked out, yet much suffering is bound to arise in a marriage if either party is unable to properly show appreciation to other, to properly communicate his or her love and affection. Marriage provides an opportunity for us to become less selfish, to see another as my self, to learn what it means to care for another human being, to sacrifice our own petty pleasures at times, in order to satisfy someone else, to make them happy, to see them smile. These things create humility, they create more love where it already exists, they create a warm atmosphere where honest communication can take place. Marriage allows two people to learn how to fully accept another person, and also how to help them change for the better, if they want to change, without forcing any beliefs or any of our own values upon them, but rather trying to understand and to create connections, through compassion and through love and understanding, through acceptance and patience, through unconditional respect and support.

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 44.

~ Rebel Spirit

DAY 6: 1,000 WORDS: A YEAR AND A HALF WORKING IN CANADA, BEFORE MY WEDDING.

Sixth day of writing and publishing a thousand words. This is the first weekend since I started this challenge for myself, and I had some plans set for today already, so I’m glad I was able to set aside some time in order to write this today, even though weekends are usually real busy for me. Maria and I woke up today really early in the morning and caught a quick bus (called “rapidito” here in Honduras, translated to “very fast”) to the Guamilito market, one of the most popular markets here in San Pedro, where one can find many beautiful hand-made crafts, all shining with lively, vibrant colors along the walls, among many other cool things. A few weeks ago we bought some stuff there actually, including a really nice wooden pipe with some Mayan kind of design, which I personally enjoyed testing out quite a bit with some good chronic. I feel it even added to the taste, but it could just be all in my head too. Today we made sure to buy some veggies, broccoli and peppers for our next few days’ meals, and also some tortillas so Maria can make some delicious tacos she’s been wanting to make for a while now. Needless to say, I can’t wait to try ’em out, since her meals are always delicious. We had a great time, it was a beautiful sunny morning, and we ate some ‘yuca con chicharron”, yucca with pork rinds, at the market just before heading back home, where we relaxed to watch a show. Maria had to go after that since she’s scheduled to work 4 hours today. I wish she could stay home with me, but it is what it is. At least I have some time to work on my writing. I also got to finish reading Franz Kafka’s “The Metamorphosis” today. Very strange story for sure. Although very simple and the plot uneventful, I enjoyed it a lot to be completely honest. It’s the first Kafka book I’ve read but my guess is that the point of the story might be to transmit a feeling of hopelessness to the reader, as the protagonist of the story finds himself suddenly turned into a giant bug overnight, and can hear his family talking about him and his situation from then on, yet cannot communicate with them in any way. It’s part of a series of books I’ve been reading since November 2018, since I set a goal for myself of reading at least a book a week. This week I finished two short books, the aforementioned “The Metamorphosis”, and Evelyn Underhill’s “Practical Mysticism”, as I often read non-fiction, sometimes even more than fiction, in fact. Now that I finished reading that story though, and commenting a bit on it, let’s keep going for now with my own story. Yesterday I left off at the part of my life when I traveled back to Canada, at the end of 2015, in order to save up for my wedding with Maria. This objective motivated me so much that for the very first time in my life I actually put my all into the job I got hired for, I really put it an effort, no doubt about it. I made sure to put in extra hours whenever necessary, to learn as quick as possible how to do everything correctly so as not to jeopardize my job. I had returned to Canada with a very clear and defined goal, to save up the money for all that Maria and I would need in order to make our dream wedding come true as soon as possible. We had a hope that we could get married in Canada, so Maria applied for a visitor’s visa, but it was unfortunately denied for very vague reasons. It seemed we just had to face the fact that we would be apart from other for the time being, there was no way around it. We still kept in touch every day on WhatsApp chat and video. Even though I returned to live at my parents’ home, they found comfort in the fact that I now had a serious objective, that I was committed to the job I had, and that I was no longer partying or hanging out with friends for no reason anymore, making reckless decisions and staying out most nights. The situation had significantly changed since those crazy childhood days, and I was enjoying a new peace of mind I had never felt before while living at my parent’s home (ever since my teenage years started, at least). Being far away from them for so long had allowed all of us to analyze our relationship, as parents and son, from a different perspective, it seemed like it had done us some good as it had renewed a fresh new appreciation for family. My newfound love had allowed me to put to the side, somewhat, my restlessness and need for constant excitement. My life became work and home, since I would have to catch the SkyTrain every morning, on weekdays, from Surrey Central station, and ride all the way Downtown to the Megrez office, and would take the same trip back home in the evenings, after getting off work and blazing up at the New Amsterdam Cafe that is, Vancouver’s most famous weed lounge which was just two blocks away from my workplace. That became my daily routine, and work was exhausting since there was never a second of the day when I was truly free of some task. This job was demanding in every sense, and especially it demanded a certain degree of seriousness and careful attention which I had never applied to any previous job I’d had in the past. I had to make sure the office ran smoothly in all its aspects. I also had to make sure I did everything as I was supposed to, since my boss, the owner of the company, hired me mostly due to his respect for my parents, who he himself helped immigrate to Canada in 2004. Although, in a way, I was more fit for the job than most of those who had held it in the past or who were aspiring for the position, speaking fluent English and Spanish as well as very good Portuguese, in some aspects I was completely unprepared, as I had never had any kind of experience with executive work, and I was only used to jobs where I was just another employee, where my work wasn’t essential at all (at least in my eyes). At Megrez, everything passed by me, and it was my task to refer each document, each case, each call, each client, to who it corresponded to, and also to scan and save and file everything in its place. There was only about 3 other employees at the company, apart from myself and the boss. The days flew by like airplanes in the sky, faster than race cars as I longed for the big day when I would return to Honduras and be reunited with my love. We’ll continue this tale tomorrow though.

~ Rebel Spirit ~