1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 65: All Work and No Play Makes Jack A Dull Boy.

Sometimes we think we’re the only ones who know how to really live life. We laugh at others who spend time thinking about or working on other things, things we personally could care less about. But we all have things we are interested in, and we all like to spend our time differently. We are free to do as we wish, all of us, and it is only natural that all of us would like to spend our time differently, seeing as how we are all very different and unique people. It’s true that some things are more productive than others, but who says that all activities have to be productive anyway? Some activities are done just to have fun, such as most games for example. Some games teach things as well, but the main idea behind a game is just to have fun. Some games allow us to win, or to lose, while some games are endless, they can’t be beat, and some are for one player, while some are for multiple players, so we see that the main purpose of a game is not always competition, it is simply to allow a person to have fun. Is there anything wrong with games because they are not leading up to anything productive? Are they simply a childish distraction from life? Not at all. We all love games, from small children all the way to elderly people. Babies are basically born playing, and whenever I visit my grandparents they’re diligently trying to fill in all the blanks of the newspaper’s Sudoku or crossword puzzle. Games like these are actually quite productive, since they allow us to exercise our thinking, as well our problem-solving abilities. It was actually a game of Sudoku which I played today, a game I’ve never seriously played before, which got me thinking about writing about this today. It was challenging, and I really had to use my brain. It took me quite a long time to fill in all the blanks. If we make a habit of doing such an activity every day then we will be sharpening our minds without a doubt. But apart from these productive games, there are many other games which, as we’ve mentioned, are not so productive. Should the playing of such games be avoided or kept to a minimum? In a way yes, but in a way no. I was never much of a gamer, but my youngest brother David really loves video games, and has a number of different consoles with different kinds of games for each one. My dad is always nagging him about reading a book, and sometimes I jump in as well and mention the fact that reading is a great way to learn about life and the world, but I feel bad because I don’t want to make it seem like gaming is an inferior activity, like he’s wasting his time by having fun. It’s true that we can become addicted to video games, that we can dedicate way more time than necessary to our progress in any game, but the games themselves cannot be blamed. We need to look at the attitude of the player. Everything in life requires balance, so it’s not good to do nothing but play. But the opposite is also true, since people who avoid all kinds of fun and games and are completely obsessed with study, or philosophy, or religion, or with any other scholarly subject, are often missing out on a lot of joy in life. Such people are usually attempting to cut fun out of their lives since they feel that it is a necessary sacrifice, one which they are willing to make in order to finally achieve that great success they are dreaming about. Not everyone can reach the greatest heights however. Many people go through life despising all the good things they’ve been blessed with. They can’t stop to play with their children, they can’t have a fun moment with their wife or husband, and they can’t let their children be children either, since they are always trying to get them to grow up. Other parents never teach their kids responsibility, and this is a great mistake, but to teach nothing but discipline with no time for fun is not good at all either. When I decided to stop drinking and smoking excessively, to start reading philosophical and spiritual books, to start meditating and trying to live life right, I unfortunately became a bit obsessed for a time. I was sick of my old life, and I knew that I needed to make radical changes in my life in order for me to really be able to change, in order to see some real results. The discipline was definitely needed, but one thing which I regret is having been so uptight about it in the beginning. I desperately wanted to change, and so I hoped to spend every second of the day meditating, reading, learning, watching documentaries, etc, and I started to look down at the world, as if everyone everywhere is always wasting time, as if people are simply passing the time without doing anything productive. I felt like this had been my life up until then, drinking and partying and wasting time, so I saw nothing but that in people’s lives. I was bothering my wife about playing too many games on the iPad, I was complaining to her, asking why she doesn’t like to read more, or isn’t more interested in spiritual or philosophical subjects. Everyone has their path to walk, and learning to live life right should not cause us to become more serious than it is good to be, it shouldn’t turn life into one long sacrifice, and it should not cause us to look down at other people simply because they don’t choose to spend their time in the same way as us. Sometimes all we need to do is to stop worrying, to sit back and relax, and to play a game and forget about the stress.

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 66.

1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 64: Being Free of External Opinions.

What does it take, to be free of others opinions, to truly be oneself, yet to remain grounded in reason? What would it feel like, to be able to do everything with complete certainty, with zero insecurity, knowing that we’re not making a grave mistake? What if we knew the way, if we knew each and every step we needed to take? I have a feeling that life would seem just a bit controlled, kind of fake. Should we embrace insecurity, doubt, fear? These things are what keep us alert, but we cant’ give in to either one of them. Nothing can harm us when we are truly grounded, even further beyond than reason, but if we are not, then these things are bound to paralyze us. The way others wish we would live our lives, what society expects of us, what parents or relatives, brothers or significant others want us to do, who they would like us to be. Great expectations which at times we have no desire to even attempt to live up to. Yet the nagging feeling persists, the anxiety, the constant indecision that makes something inside our bellies twist, when we face a big decision. But what if we could embrace it, then we might just be able to use it to our advantage. If we can master fear, if we can truly learn to trust the process of life, then we might just find that we have enough peace of mind, enough motivation, enough concentration, in order to think things through, in order to get things done, in order to see things more clearly. As long as we are drowning in our fears, of events of the past that still manage to haunt us, of future possibilities for tragedy, for chaos. We fear change, we fear death, we fear people and the things they say and do, what they think of us, what they might do to us. What if we were free of all preconceived notions about people and what they might be thinking, what their ulterior motives might be, and about what the world is and how it should be? Could we live healthier lives, would there be less people who can’t cope with the stress of life in modern society? Could there be less mental as well as physical illness? We can’t ever find peace in life and we often wonder why, but most of the time what we’re missing is just honesty, sincerity, the courage to be totally honest with ourselves. We can’t do this because we are terrified of change, especially the positive kind. We are afraid to look within and to face our demons, so we pass the time, and we never bother to even try to understand what life is all about, to wonder about who or what we are as a species, what our collective purpose might be for existing, or what your own individual purpose or mission might be. We want things to be easy, but life isn’t easy. We can’t avoid the hardships of life, we can only prepare for them. This doesn’t mean that life is evil, that the world is a hostile place, but it does mean that we have to remain as aware as possible at all times, that we have to stay alert. We have to keep a constant watch for the evil within ourselves, so that we may practice the necessary self-restraint in order to live a balanced life, in order to allow others to do the same, and to speak nothing but life to whoever we encounter. If we fear the opinions of others, if we fear the possibilities of being ridiculed, of being persecuted, then we cannot speak our minds. If we are not aware of what the truth is, if we do not have a code to live by, if we don’t have the smallest idea of who or what we are or what we stand for, what we agree with or not, what we allow into our lives, then life will carry us this way and that way, into trouble here, into problems there, and we will complain and wonder why it all seems to happen to us. We never stood up for anything in our lives, we never bothered to try, to find a meaning to life, or to create one. We gave up, we gave in to temptation, to laziness, to discouragement, we never bothered to make things make sense, or to find the inherent sense in the events of our lives. Another mistake some people make however, is that they think that are free of others opinions, and they think they are being themselves, but in reality the only reason why they feel free to be themselves is because their identity revolves around being funny or cracking jokes, or doing things that make them popular in the eyes of others, whether those things are correct or not. Such a person often disregards morality and acts in evil ways in order to impress others, or to fit in, or to prove to others how crazy or cool they are. In time, these people start to identify with the image they are attempting to portray, and they start to believe that they truly are that image. If they ever tried to look within themselves and tried to live by the principles they would find in their hearts then they would find it a lot more difficult to be free in the world. The world seldom wants the truth, it often wants only what is comfortable. People want to hear what they want to hear, they want to be distracted, they want to be entertained. Who can be bothered with the truth in this day and age of transitory pleasures? What purpose can the truth serve when all we want is to be comfortable in the lies we’ve fabricated? It’s a sad state to be in, and we all must be honest with ourselves about whether this is the way we are living or not, and if so, then we must each find a way to rise above this mentality.

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 65.

~ Rebel Spirit 

1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 63: You Are My Everything (Poem).

What a nice night, what a life, it just feel so right. What a day to rejoice, a divinely granted right, walking alongside my beautiful wife. What a sight to behold, what a wonderful choice, feeling higher than a child’s kite. Flying in the wind, as I spend my time with the one I love, in twenty-two minutes it’ll be two years, which we’ll celebrate, blowing clouds of chronic as we elevate, together as lovers, we hug and kiss each other, promise to be there forever, like I said in the song I dedicated to her, through whatever weather, I put nothing above her. When I’m feeling down, she makes me feel better. We never hide a thing from each other, never, ever. No secrets, and when we make a promise we’ll be sure to keep it. Pure sincerity, integrity, and loyalty, these are the keys, to the creation of commitment and trust, of communication, so that we can feel at ease, in each other’s presence, remaining fully focused on the present, contemplating on the shortness of life, but never letting our love lessen, even if some call it an illusion, and in fact there’s something higher, true love and companionship are the greatest things one can possibly acquire, on this Earth, above money and gold. I see the face of my beloved, a beautiful sight to behold, so nice, I have to state it twice, at least, but I tell her every second, a wonder to reckon, at every minute, true love is overwhelming when we’re in it. Constantly teaching me so many valuable lessons, nothing short of a blessing, bestowed from the heavens, I wish to be with my lady twenty-four seven. Connection is what we all crave, and my wish was granted, even when I never expressed it, even suppressed it, repressed it, I can’t understand it. I thought I was a lone wolf, alone against the world. I never had the thought of settling down with a girl. I thought I had no need, I thought I could get along in life simply by staying high on weed, higher than the rest, thought I don’t need the lies and the stress, the cheating, the breaking up and necessary memory deleting, that is bound to follow, the empty feeling, hollow, all the pain and sorrow. I’d rather spend it mastering my mind, meditating, reading, but you came through and showed me that there’s love within a soul, who lives in simplicity, you were like an angel sent to visit me, I still believe it’s possible, I thank God together we can conquer every obstacle, and fly to the moon and the planets, the stars, For you I’d trade the riches and the fame, being a star, being known, when I’m with you, wherever we go, I’m truly home, You softened up a heart that seemed to be hard as a stone, as a rock. As you rocked my world, delightful in every way, an exciting energy which I knew needed to stay, with me, to love and care for, now I’m carefree, taking up responsibility but still I’m feeling free. A challenge which I chose to take, I made no mistake since the reward is beyond great, I get to see your pretty face from the moment I awake, in life we give and we take, but I want to give you my all. It’s like we both heard the sound and didn’t hesitate to pick up love’s call, which united our paths, now these years have passed, filled with love, filled with laughs, hugging and kissing, before that we were far away, missing, each other’s touch, now we never have to go back to such, a situation, our unification’s a holy representation of the unity of polarity, selfless love, compassion and charity, forever giving, we ignite the flame in each other’s hearts that keeps us living, keeping it beating, keeping it strong, when you speak it seems to me like the most beautiful love song. So speak to me now, as we walk and we stroll, on the sidewalk, hand in hand, but connected even in soul, both of us hoping for eternity, but simply watching history unfold, as we provide each other with heat and cold, and support each other as we eventually grow old. Love is patient, kind and bold, we can help each other change, and grow, into who we were meant to be. I help you and you help me. True commitment and care, these are things we must appreciate and proactively share. We must cultivate the love and the trust in order to one day exterminate the hate for good, down to ashes and dust. I feel the love as we spend our days together, you and I, I wish everyone can have the chance to experience true love, what it is to be unified. I pray for this to God above, to bestow love upon all the earth’s people, so that we may all have something to live for, so we can all despise evil. How can we promote evil when it could affect those dear to us? How can we lie and cheat when we truly need somebody we can trust? I look at the rivers, the trees, look out at the vast blue seas, at the oceans, I think of society and all its chaos and commotion. I think, I think, I come to no conclusion. I only seem to come to confusion, stress and fatigue orchestrate a successful intrusion, into my consciousness, I start to think I’m only meant for less, as I’m overwhelmed by the world, it causes me fear and stress. But then I find myself at home, alone, with you beside me, a king in his throne, with my queen by my side, and everything is love, it’s where I reside. Everything disappears, the hate and the fear, and even when we’re far away I always long to hold you near. You are my biggest source of happiness, and one of the few reasons I’d ever shed tears. You are the reason I would scream, or the reason I could always sing. You are my life, my love, you are my everything.

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 64.

~ EJASC

1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 62: The Beast Within (Poem).

We look to the West as well as to the East, but like that line in Hotel California, we just can’t find or kill the beast. We have no choice but to look around at all the insanity, the inhumanity, we create behavior patterns to drown it out as we focus on nothing but vanity, never aware, to say the least. We speak for no real reason, insults, profanities, of every kind and meaning, with no other purpose but to be detrimentally demeaning, every day it seems like the destruction is increased, while instruction is decreased. Instead of being the prophets of purpose we choose to be the catalysts of calamity, it’s chaos in the streets, and within the home and family, within the church, the priests. Corruption in every corner of the known earth, we trade our integrity for petty pleasures, so far from acknowledging what life is really worth. We can’t practice restraint, the beast is within us but we just can’t recognize it, we can’t. It makes us act out of unconsciousness, as if we were to faint. We can’t spot it, but we know it’s there, never stopping, popping narcotics, feeling like we’ve gone psychotic even though we ain’t. The vices, on the TV, the internet, the nicest, cars, clothes, we have to look our best for God knows, who, we don’t even know why we even do what we do. We’re happy with the farce, too tired for whatever’s true. Since truth requires effort, or at least to look inside of you, within and yet beyond, feel this life to the fullest but understand and be humbled by the fact that soon you will be gone. Life is priceless, an opportunity to live and to grow, to compare and to know, to share and to give, once again, to simply live, to learn the balance between resisting the system and going with the flow. Why should we fail at the ultimate goal? Open your eyes to the beauty, behold! Only when you’ve entered the realms of the soul. Leave behind the negativity of mind, life isn’t a race so you can’t fall behind. Understand that in each way we all have to shine, like stars in the darkness, we’re each just a line, in the great universal song of love, God’s mantra, repeated at every second, giving birth to cells, to planets, to heavens and hells. While we study how sex sells, we’re in the market for the money. We don’t know a single thing about who or what we are, is it funny? Or is it sad? Is God my own Spirit, my true Self, or is he something more like my cosmic dad? Why don’t I try to connect with Him so that I can inquire? Or should I just stick to faith and forget the questions, lest I be burnt for eternity in the lake of fire? I’m glad I’ve started, I’d like to kill my ignorance before I myself have departed, before my earthly life has expired, before I leave this carnal world of desires, I’d like to slay the Beast, to feed my Spirit, not only my body, to push myself to excel at what I want to the least. To push past comfort, past the zone of no progression, to leave behind attachment to greed, and thereby to aggression. Slavery is the system of society, security must never become a reality lest we run out of things to sell. We thrive off the pain of others, we’re quick to backstab those we’ve called brothers, just for a few dollars and cents, then we wonder why life seems like hell, never making sense. We’ve created this mess, we never stop to truly question, honestly, why we can’t shake the stress. We see the lives of others and we think our lives are less, like the grass is always greener, so we see the world as enemies, as competition, and as our perception is gradually affected the world seems to get meaner and meaner, by the day, until we no longer want to see or say anything to anyone. Darkness covers our thoughts like we’ve covered the sun. Self-medication, blurry lines between that and fun, recreation, we’ll see our mistakes too late, the train has left the station. We spent a lifetime just dodging preoccupation, but amassing more, unconsciously, as if we’re filling up a store. Except we give everything back for free, the destruction, the toxicity, we spew it out to the planet, we just do it, we don’t have to plan it. We’re consumed by confusion, always feeling crazy, a feeling creeps up of lethargy, feeling lazy. Where’s the motivation, when life is so cruel? We’d rather spend a lifetime trying to be cool, to climb the corporate ladder, to jump from one distraction to the next, ignoring the things that truly matter. Can’t find concentration, our thoughts all scattered, trying to find satisfaction in repetitive and meaningless actions, in acquiring possessions, we try to control and mold the things around us with aggression, try to find a sense of meaning in starting a fight, since we’re facing inner demons that prevent us from seeing the light. Life is full of responsibility, although it’s a precious right. Don’t throw it away because years pass by in the blink of an eye as quick as a wild drunken night. So don’t ignore the blessings you’ve been granted, take nothing for granted and constantly water the seeds of love which you’ve already planted. Allow love to grow in your heart, love for God and for all creation, God’s masterpiece work of art. Life wouldn’t be the way it is if we weren’t equipped well enough to handle it, to deal with it. Life has its highs and lows, the pain comes and it goes, just like people, I know it’s rough but we’re being real with it. So don’t waste a second, be aware at all times. I just hope that I can properly channel this message through these rhymes.

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 63.

~ Rebel Spirit

1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 58: Culture Contrast, The Music Business.

I was born in the third world, right by the equator, in a country so hot and so violent you might think you’re in hell if you came to visit. If you looked a bit closer though, you might find that it is also a place of peaceful villages, a place of family harmony, a place of love for God and all his children. It’s a crazy contrast, to see all the messages about God everywhere, on the buses, on the buildings, banners, yet to hear of so much crime and death. Organized crime and gangs, as well as corrupt police and government, keep this country unsafe and unable to move ahead. For better or for worse, I was born in Honduras, and when my parents told me we’d be leaving to Canada, immigrating there, I threatened them by saying that I wouldn’t watch TV any longer when we arrived there, since it would all be in English, and I wasn’t about to watch TV shows I couldn’t understand. This was the most important thing for me, I was almost ten at the time, and I have a vague memory of that day when we said goodbye to my grandparents. We were at this very same property which I’m back in today, writing to you all from. I’m back at my birthplace, and over the past two years I’ve gotten used to the heat, to the bugs and the roaches and flies all over again, to the loud sounds and funny smells as well. Everything is hot and sweaty, everything is vibrant, like an endless summer. I’m back in Honduras, I came back to be reunited with my wife, or actually to make her my wife, who I met on a previous visit back here. It’s great to have different experiences, and to stop having some of the things I was previously so used to. I know I’ll experience some of those really great things again when I get back, such as readily available high grade chronic, or being able to hike up the beautiful B.C. mountains. I also hope my connect for shrooms can hook me up like he did in the past, I haven’t kept in touch with him these two years, and I’m looking forward to getting into the music scene again, giving it one more shot perhaps. I’m about to be twenty-five, and I might as well give music a shot again, since Vancouver provides a somewhat supportive environment for artists, and since I doubt things will be able to work after I’m thirty. At the same time, due to the spiritual path I feel I’ve embarked on recently, I’m in this whole thing about not letting expectations overwhelm me. I don’t want to set such high expectations about how things will be, I just want things to be as they are meant to, to ride the wave of life, and to thank God in every situation. The music business requires so much effort on a person’s part, to keep up with a certain image, to create and image for oneself and to make it into a brand, to commercialize it, to make it cool. How can I focus on that which has no image or form, when I am always supposed to be thinking about how to promote an image of myself, the brand or reputation I’ve created for myself? These are all things I think about, and sometimes I think it might be best to just leave the entertainment industry to the side, and to just focus on cultivating the right mentality in life and with finding the Spirit within us all. I wonder sometimes if it could all be a delusion though, and if I should really focus on becoming successful, and not so much on matters that are not of this world, in a sense. Could it be that life is passing me by and I just feel that I’m being spiritual now or living life better? I don’t want to fall into this trap, so this time that I’m back in Honduras has really been a time for me to reflect. I haven’t gotten to a final decision yet, but I’m thinking of giving the music a shot once I fly back, and attempting to include the concepts I’m learning about within my lyrics in more creative ways. I can’t give up my chance to do something I love for a living, especially in this internet age when it’s easier than ever to promote one’s music or literature, but I also can’t give up on my spiritual pursuit of the truth of life. I have to keep a third eye open, I know, if I wish to stay on the right path and to really try to get into the entertainment business, into the music business. One can’t avoid life however, and I was born with the talent I was born with for a reason, just as all of us are, so I can’t let it go to waste simply because of fear of stepping off the path, of falling into temptation. I feel that I’ve been working on self-control for quite a while now and that it’s finally starting to pay off in a big way, so I’m really conserving this motivation within me so that when I get back to Canada I can create content and constantly promote it. I moved to Canada at an early age, I learned English and I learned to rhyme, I took a break for some years since I had to clear my mind of such negative ideas I held before, and now I need to incorporate the new positive ideas I’ve been learning about for the past few years, into my music. To me it’s all meant to be, it’s all part of a process which is about to take new shape. Only a few months left and we will see, but for now I keep on managing my expectations, and taking it a day at a time while I’m here in Honduras.¬†

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 59.

~ Rebel Spirit

1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 56: Watch What You Say.

I hear people talk about so many useless and random things. I don’t criticize them on the spot, or behind their back to anyone, since I remember the days when I also used to speak just for the sake of speaking, just to be seen, just to be heard and acknowledged. I always had to make my opinion known, I always tried to have people see me in a certain light or think of me in some specific way, and so the things I said were just calls for attention, even when I myself didn’t see that at the time. I had to make my life into what I thought it should be, I had to make people know me, know who I am, what my beliefs were, how the system was wrong and I was right, and how my way of life was the only correct way to live life: recklessly, without a care in the world or a thought for the future. As I matured over the past few years, after living through the consequences of some of the bad decisions from my past, I’ve really stopped talking so much. I’d say I don’t even speak half as much as I used to. I try to practice discernment with all thoughts that come up in my mind, at least whenever I remember to do so, and I find that many of the things which I’m about to say can and should be discarded before they are even expressed. Nowadays I try not to talk so much, as I would much rather attempt to understand the things I observe, the things I see and hear, to relate them to my own experiences as well as what I’ve learned and continue learning. Most of the time we say things which we don’t know for sure, we make assumptions about others due to our limited knowledge of the situation they are facing, or of the life they have lived as a whole, or we offend others by only advising them from our own point of view, without ever taking a moment to place ourselves in their shoes. I try to give advice to my friends when they need it, though I don’t try to seem like I know everything, and I don’t go around telling people what they are doing wrong in their life, especially without providing any alternative to their current actions. All of us are struggling in this life, all of us are confused to a certain extent, all trying to do the best we can to stay sane and to survive, and maybe to transform our lives into great achievements, to make our dreams come true. This only seems to matter when it applies to ourselves though, but we are quick to kill the dreams of others, whether they are our friends or enemies, even if we think that words are pretty much harmless. Words are extremely powerful, and I’ve written on that subject before. So many of us are happy to see our friends remain where they are, never advancing or moving forwards, since they make us feel comfortable about who we are and where we’re at in life, so we only talk with them about trivial things, we never try to suggest any positive change or challenge, since the friendship might change for the worse or end if one of us gets higher up the ladder than the other. This is the way too many of us see things, yet the sentiment is often unconscious. We believe we want what’s best for our friends, yet we have no problem with letting them kill themselves with alcohol or cigarettes or drugs, so long as we are not the only ones doing it. We shouldn’t refrain from giving advice to those we care about, as it can be precisely what they need in order to move ahead and face whatever obstacle they may currently be facing, but we should always advise them in a humble manner. We always must keep in mind that we could have slipped just as easily as them, since we live in a world full of temptation and desire, our will is constantly being weakened, our minds attacked. We should never think of ourselves as higher than anyone else, as superior to anyone, just because they have done something which we consider horrible, which we believe we would never do ourselves. We don’t know what things can come to, we don’t know what everyone’s been through, and we don’t know why everyone does what they do. We can’t be the judges of humanity, we can only live our own lives. Only we have our own memories, our own aspirations, only we have our own ideas, our own I know that I know more about some things than others, though I don’t consider myself an expert in any specific subject, so I don’t pretend to be. Even so-called experts on any subject could benefit from thinking a bit less of themselves, leaving the arrogance behind, and admitting that there are many things, even about their special subject which they don’t fully understand. We learn during every day that we are alive, but it is our choice to learn the hard way, by arrogantly trying to mold life to our convenience, or to learn the easy way, by maintaining the attitude of a humble observer in this world. No matter how important we may think we are, whether we are the owner of the biggest organization on the planet, whether we are the most famous rock star or actor, whatever kind of celebrity, we all need to be humble enough to see ourselves as something else, something which we all have in common These days no one will take you seriously unless you’ve been to college or university, but I don’t think it’s necessary to Often times I’m too caught up in thought to say anything, I’m starting to let life happen more, without complaining, or without attempting to change the direction of things. I don’t know where I’m going with this, to be honest, but I have enough words and it’s time for me to meditate now, so off I go into a wordless space.

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 57.

~ Rebel Spirit

1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 53: From Tired to Inspired.

Today was another day. I’m tired, but I have enough energy to learn, to read, to write. I’m faded, I ate some pizza so I feel a bit heavy, but I’m comfortable. Today I was thinking back on my fam, the ways in which they may have changed while I’ve been gone away, the way things used to be, how they will never be the same again. It’s not a sad thing, maybe nostalgic, but shocking as well. My youngest brother just finished the eleventh grade, only one left now to graduate from high school. Meanwhile I still feel like I just left high school, and I’m like eight years older than him. It’s hard sometimes, not to feel like you’re getting lost in the system, like you’re not really heading anywhere. It’s easy to judge ourselves based on external values, based on what society thinks about life and how it should be. Life is way too often referred to as a general idea. But life, as in the concept of being alive, and life meaning the time that a single individual has before death, are two different things. Life is something common to all, in the first sense, but in the second, life is very, very different to all individuals. We all experience and perceive things much differently than those around us. We might be more similar to some of our worst enemies than to those around us, because we are all born a certain way, and then we are further shaped in a certain way as we grow, and so many of the factors at play are simply out of our control, such as all of childhood before we can take care of ourselves as adolescents or adults. We don’t decide whether we are similar to others or not, in a way, our nature is embedded in us, and our karma is creating our life, so it is our duty, our dharma, to live, each one of us his or her individual life, to the fullest. We all can find more in common than we think we can with almost anyone we can imagine, just as we can find things about most people which are absolutely disgusting to us. We are all alike and yet very different, when we think of it in a context of duality, but beyond this we are similar in Spirit, in a dimension beyond all duality. So again, we shouldn’t judge ourselves based on external values which society believes are important, but instead we should understand that we are already special, that there is already a purpose to each and every one of us, including me, and including you as well. If we are born in the United States, or in Honduras, or Canada, or whether we are Asian or European or Middle Eastern, we are all born exactly where and when we are meant to be born, to the parents who we were meant to be born to. Whether we are meant to be male or female, all we have to do is to look at who are, who we were born as. There is a reason why we are who we are, why I am who I am, and why you are born are you, and he as he is, and she as she is. Everyone comes to life because of each parent’s decision to make love, to have sex. Beyond this, however, there are deeper reasons, reasons which we simply can’t understand, for why a new life is born at a certain time. It is not our place to take a life that God has chosen to bring into this world, especially if it has come about because of our own carelessness, because we want to party and be wild and free, free to exchange our sexual energy with whoever we please, without ever even attempting to understand its true power, or its connection with the divine force which is love, and how they are meant to be fused together in the harmony of a true and loving relationship. We have to face responsibility for our actions, otherwise we will never be truly free. The evil we commit today will haunt generations down the line for a long, long time, just as the sins of our ancestors have left us in the state we are in today. Changes take time, and things all have their effects. We live in a world of cause and effect, there is simply no denying it. Those who choose to live in denial of this basic truth of life are bound to face the consequences of their actions regardless, but these days they try not to be legally held accountable. We must understand that sex is sacred, that any new life is sacred, that a great Spirit lives in all of us, and is what gives life to any body. A body without Spirit would be nothing but meat and bones, just like the chicken or beef most of us eat. How can we ever understand the sanctity of life when we eat other species for mere convenience? I myself still haven’t stopped eating meat, so don’t think of this as an attack to you or anyone else, but we can’t stay in denial of the facts. If we acknowledge the truth, then we are bound to change sooner or later, we will be compelled to change, since the truth will set us free, it has to. If we stay in denial though, why would we ever attempt to change, to improve, if we can’t see what’s wrong in the way we behave? Time flies, life is sacred, and we need to figure out how to live smarter, how to really feel alive and really be alive during every second. I started out a bit tired, now I feel inspired, just like when I read some truth which resonates with me. Reading and writing are amazing tools, I can’t stress it enough, to get to know about thought around the world, through the ages and even now, as well as thoughts floating around up in your own head.

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 54.

~ Rebel Spirit

1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 52: Spontaneous Writing, A New Life.

So many things on my mind that I want to write down, but when I sit down to write it’s like I don’t know what or how. It reminds me of how I started my very first post of this daily thousand-word series. Although some days I feel more clarity than others, most times I just try to wing it. I used to feel bad about it, now not so much. Creativity doesn’t always have to involve too much planning, sometimes none is necessary, though experience and practice are probably always necessary no matter what. Freestyle rapping is an example of creativity on the spot, although it’s unfortunate that sometimes it’s filled with nonsense, since artists don’t have time to think of intelligent lyrics, they’re simply trying to rhyme. So, as I write I try to keep my ignorance to the lowest level possible, I try to speak the truth but not to be offensive, yet to speak the truth nonetheless. It’s simply necessary, and it’s what inspires me to write in the first place. I used to be very extroverted, having a lot of friends and partying often, but now I don’t go out or drink, I mostly stay home with my wife, and I don’t live nearly as crazy as I used to. Let’s say I do a lot more thinking these days, a lot less spending, and a lot less dumb shit. My childhood and early teen years were filled with trouble, mostly caused by my own stupidity and wrong attitude towards life. I can’t say I’m a completely new man, but so far I’ve changed a lot over the past few years, mostly for the better. I’ve also quit smoking cigarettes, I just can’t stand the thought of screwing up my health so badly. Some would say it’s stupid to quit smoking one thing and continue with another, but I do still blaze, probably about as often or even more than I did before, since now I live on my own, with my wife, not with my parents, and I can just keep my bong. It’s definitely convenient, the only downside is I miss all the going out to smoke joints in the fresh air. So, with a few changes to my overall health and some for my mental health, I go on, day by day, doing the work of self-improvement, yet in the process, every second, of constantly remembering that, although the self is being strengthened, being improved, there is a dimension beyond the self which it is also essential to strengthen, which is the dimension of the Self, of the Spirit. We must live life to the fullest, yet we mustn’t become attached to anything in it, we shouldn’t embrace the things of this world as the greatest treasures, otherwise when we lose them, and we will, we will not know who or what we are. Everything which we once were has been taken from us, now where are we to be found. Where or what is the self? When I write spontaneously, these thoughts on spirituality are often what come to my mind, what surface up from my subconscious, so I guess it’s a good sign about where my mind is at, since it’s what I mostly contemplate these days. I know it’s not good to overthink, and that the final goal is to completely transcend all thought as well as emotion or feeling, but with so much interesting knowledge, with so many different things to learn, to analyze, how can I not read, how can I not learn, how can I help myself from at least attempting to familiarize myself as well as I can with the greatest wisdom we can attain in this life, in this world? How can I shy away from following the mysteries, from trying to find meaning in every second, in every day. Time and life is all we all have, and it strikes me as off how little we like to think or talk together about what life means, what the world is for and why we exist here. I think we avoid the subject since we don’t like to feel small, like we don’t know something as simple as the meaning of our own existence. We all know we don’t know, so we avoid admitting the fact to each other, and instead we all just follow some religion or philosophical school, we learn it as best as possible, and we pretend that we know. We tell people that we know what life means, that we know who or what God is and exactly what he wants for us. We begin to believe our delusion, since we can never know the truth in its entirety. Don’t assume I’m being pessimistic, it’s just a fact. It’s a fact because the truth is beyond our human understanding. Our brain is not wired to comprehend why it exists, there are dimensions beyond time and space that defy everything we know, every shred of understanding or knowledge or wisdom we could even fathom to use in order to try to understand such experiences, if we could have access to them. The closest I can think of this is the psychedelic experience, and most who have used psychedelics would agree that the experiences they’ve had cannot be described by words. These are simple substances, yet still mysteries, but what about the mysteries of angels, of demons, of God and the Devil? What about life on other planets, about life possibly being nothing but a simulation? What about what happens when we die? These are all mysteries, but there are even greater mysteries than these, ones we might even be able to solve, or maybe not fully, but we might learn a thing or two, or the most important thing we could ever learn, in the process of attempting to solve them. I’m talking about the mysteries of who we are and what our individual purposes are, what my individual purpose is as well as yours. These things are worth finding out, and if you don’t think we have any purpose, if you think your existence is random and meaningless, then why don’t you attempt to find out, to sincerely try the best you can to figure out if you’re right or wrong, if you do have any meaning or not. Search wherever you can, in books and most importantly from first-hand experience. Live life with discernment, and you will see so much meaning before your eyes which you have previously chosen to ignore, it will seem like a new life you cannot believe,

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 53.

~ Rebel Spirit

1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 50: 50 Days Writing! Goals Review.

Half a hundred days of writing and posting a thousand words. I’ve failed at some other goals during this time, and I’ve restarted them right back for another attempt, but I’m especially happy that I’ve been able to stay on track with this particular goal. I was just letting my wife know about it. It’s great to have people all over the world have access to what you write, and to actually have people read it, even if it’s just a few people sometimes. It’s one of the truly wonderful about the internet age which we live in. It’s a great privilege which requires great responsibility on a writer’s part, so I try to keep my mind as clear as possible when I write these things, free of all negativity and frustration. I don’t drink anymore, which is great, since it would have been such a hindrance to staying on track with my daily writing goal, both because I’d obviously going out more, and because I’d feel totally destroyed the day after getting wasted. It didn’t feel so bad when I was younger, and I know for sure I drank a lot more back then, so I knew my body was now beginning to tell me that it was time to take it easy. I’m super glad about this goal as well, I haven’t drank a drop of alcohol in almost a hundred days now, so I gotta a hundred and a few more to go on my current challenge of two hundred days. Sometimes I feel I might just lay off the booze for good, even after I finish my two hundred day goal. I don’t crave it anymore and I feel totally fine without it, and it feels like I got my shit together, like I got things a bit more under control. Life isn’t always about being in control of everything, but completely losing control of oneself can be dangerous, and it’s certainly something that alcohol intoxication can lead to, and does lead to a lot of the time. Life feels good without it, but then I think that, if I can manage to keep it under control and moderation, then a beer or two here and there won’t do much harm, and will make me enjoy any nice day or night out. The problem is that I can’t ever stop at two, so I think I just might try to lay off the booze completely for as long as possible. Either way, I’ve been doing some experiments with psychedelics, in the past mostly shrooms, but now I have a connect for some good acid, and since I don’t party anymore, I’ve been just tripping alone at home (since Maria usually falls asleep), and concentrating on peace, meditating, reflecting having deeply profound experiences of psychological and spiritual growth. New thoughts come to me, and things which I know deep inside, which I’ve even forgotten from so much neglect, from being ignored for so long, from not wanting to deal with them, start to make themselves known to me, their significance becomes inescapable and I know without a doubt that, what matters most in life, is to love others, to love and care for one’s family and friends, to make connections, to always keep a good vibe following you wherever you go, a contagious feeling that will inspire others to live in the same way. I’ve been tripping on two or three tabs at a time, a few months at a time, two or three maybe, and reflecting on my progress with my goals as well. So what do I need alcohol for, that dulling sensation of the mind, that lustful appetite and aggressive behavior? Sometimes I feel frustrated with my goals, but I cannot abandon my sadhana. I have also been working on keeping lust off my mind, inspired by various books, mostly by Hindu Swamis, on the power of Brahmacharya. The concept of Brahmacharya provides, in my opinion, a better explanation of what I had read before in Mantak Chia’s book, regarding the same concept but from the Taoist perspective. Abstaining from all lustful thoughts and looks, ideas, only making love with my wife every few days, meditating and reading daily, the Bible and the Sutras, abstaining from alcohol, writing every day to keep my creative side alive. I wish I was making music, but for some reason, I find I don’t have much inspiration for that at this moment in life, but it comes and it goes I believe. Some other things I feel I need to do are to start focusing more on my health. I was already exercising every day as a goal, but I stopped about a month and a half back since I got sick with a random and mysterious fever. It would hit me every single day, for about a week and a half or two weeks. I had to gather my strength after those two weeks, so I’ve been eating better, thinking that not eating enough might have something to do with me being weak and therefore susceptible to such fevers. I still haven’t started exercising, but I need to, and I will do so any day now, I’ll start again with my weights and pushups, yoga and jogging around the baseball field which is a block away. Exercise makes you feel energetic, alive, and it keeps us healthy. We all need to exercise a healthy habit of daily exercise! There’s no denying its benefits. And the hardest goal of all, I made a promise to Maria that I would start this month, that I would only smoke weed fifteen days of the month. I didn’t promise this to her because of any pressure on her part, but instead because I knew I’d have to honor my promise to her no matter what, so this would be the perfect way for me to keep feeling accountable for completing this new goal. I’m not taking on this weed goal because I think it’s harmful, but because I feel I’m too attached to staying faded. Nothing should become an attachment in our lives, and if we see that something has, then we need to deal with it, then we can partake in it again in a healthy way. Wish me luck so I can smoke only half the month this month of July (usually I blaze every day)!

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 51.

~ Rebel Spirit

1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 46: Renunciation, Annihilation of the Will.

The whole human race, ashamed, afraid to look at each other’s face. Living to cause death, only killing time and taking up space. Some of us wish that we could disappear from the life we know, without a trace. We’re ready to throw the towel in, what a disgrace. We must use the past as motivation for the future, that’s why it can never be erased. But since we don’t know its purpose, when we recollect, the soul is suffering, the spirit is experiencing sorrow. We can’t live in the present, mentally stuck on the pain of the past, on a violent vision of a possible tomorrow. This is the danger of dwelling on a vision of illusion, which is the main cause for decisions that are made in delusion. We try to keep the mind steady, but the media has a plan of perfect intrusion. We need to remain focused on the real, to everything else’s exclusion. Their plan has been thought up in order to invade, to cast a dark and detrimental shade over everything that God has lovingly made. Some do it for pleasure and some are paid, they cause harm and agony, they gain their money from tearing apart an entire family. Their plan is to confuse creation, to enslave an entire generation, to have children thinking that they belong to a certain nation. We still haven’t realized the treasure, the amazing treasure that lies beyond pain and even all pleasure. We’ve learned and remained patient, yet we still haven’t understood the greatest annihilation, which is that of our own will and determination. The human will that causes people to be raped and killed, with no hesitation. The will is used for the purpose of implementing the interests of the greedy, within this corrupt system which will always need the needy. Why don’t things change already? Are we ready for change? Evil is on the rise, steady, coming up in popularity, where can we witness charity, where can we hide from humanity’s apparent demise? Where are those people on the pursuit of what is holy? Those who follow the inner Light only, who know the way, who attempt to further emancipate the minds of the masses every day. Where is the man who sits and talks to God at night, searching for direction? Alone, in the plane of heavenly peace, his soul starts to take flight, he is shown what must be done for correction. The realms of reality are familiar to him. The angels become his closest kin, he sees the nature and meaning of sin. He comes to recognize the rich reward for true renunciation, which can only be the greatest state of elevation. Levitation, calm, above pain, knowing that we are something much more than our nationality and name. Much more than what we’ve done, much bigger than the place from which we came, much brighter than the sun, much more complex than our father and mother’s son. We come from the essence, the fire that burns within all souls. Unfortunately we now live in profound ignorance of the power we all hold. That’s why we search but never find, we desperately try to take control. That’s why demons harass our minds, why we have trouble when trying to sleep, we feel empty and cold. Why we often don’t even know why we weep, these tears we can’t hold, so we let them flow. We remain at the surface, since we’re scared to go deep. To explore what subconsciously drives us, to understand what lies behind perception’s doors, what secrets do the mysteries keep, what do we hold in this mental store, aren’t you willing to take a peek? Connect with the source of all love and respect, the highest source from above, keep yourself in check, look beyond the intellect. Wisdom lies in seeing through, what’s ordinary to me and you, in seeing the essence, in understanding the significance of presence. Life is all a series of lessons, and even the toughest of tribulations are blessings, moments of incredible inspiration must be understood as divine presents. Let’s appreciate life, who we are, let’s understand that we don’t need to be celebrities or stars, in order to shine, we don’t need to get ahead in order not to fall behind. Life is not a competition, you can only outdo your past self. So let go of the fear, nurture your vision, set a goal for your mission, and take your skills off the shelf. Give life all you got, keep on moving and never stop, even when you look around you and you see the people’s hearts drop. Remain strong, along the way a lot of things are bound to go wrong. Use the pain, use the struggle, to gain, to learn to remain untroubled, to remain in God, even in the worst situations, to remain centered in your mind, and to refrain from useless conversation. We transmit consciousness through our brains like radio stations, we pick up the signal and we perceive it. We see, so we believe it. But often the realest things are those unseen, the symbolism hidden in our dreams. Sometimes we need to disconnect, from the stress and we need to realize that, yes, it is true what they say, the answer’s always been inside. Look inside, accept your limitations, there is nothing to hide. Life is a journey of self-realization. We all have problems and we all have expectations. But we don’t need these things. There are no problems if there are no expectations. Be yourself always, be honest with yourself, work on yourself, start a revolution in your own mind, this is all any of us can do. We can start a personal revolution, in order to inspire others to continue this spiritual evolution. Perhaps we can bring some good to this earth. Perhaps more people can wake up and see what life is truly worth. So, another thousand words are posted, now it’s time for me to go get toasted, to relax, and enjoy the now. Tomorrow’s a new day anyhow.

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 47.

~ Rebel Spirit