500 WORDS, DAY 9: PLEASURE IN RANDOMNESS

If you want to start reading from yesterday’s post, which is the topic that has brought us to today’s topic, check out DAY 8.

So, it’s day 9, just one away from 10. It feels good to be writing again, especially the style of writing I’m currently working on. I stated Day 1 by writing about what my reason for writing could be, as if it was something I needed to know very clearly before I started this daily writing endeavor. Now, just 9 days in, it no longer feels like that. In fact, it feels like I don’t really need to know where all this writing is headed at all, because it has a direction of its own, and its direction is showing me exactly what I should be writing about anyway, because what comes out onto these posts is whatever’s most prominent within my mind, what I spend my time constantly thinking about, the questions that define me as a person, that define my very existence as a conscious being having this experience. It’s like taking a retrospective look into my mind. If I were to write every day, it would be really cool to eventually read back through the years in order to identify what it is that my mind has been the most concerned with throughout different eras of my life. It would be interesting to witness how exactly all the things I have experienced have made me into the person that I am today. So, that’s one reason for doing this thing, to see just what I come up with, and to wonder about the reasons why later on. I guess I just love the vagueness of it all, I like to leave things up to chance a lot.  I don’t really like deciding on a lot of things, because I’m equally open to all options. If I choose one thing I will be missing out on the other, and it’ll have been my choice. For some reason it feels like that would be worse than having it been decided for me. I don’t know why, but it’s kind of the same thing that makes me listen to a playlist full of all the songs I’ve ever liked on shuffle, instead of selecting specific songs I want to hear, a lot of the time. I just love the randomness of it, not knowing exactly what I’ll get, within the limits of what I’ve enjoyed at some point of my life, and I guess I like the same thing when it comes to my mind, and even to my life in general. Rather than set out specific topics to try to write about, planning ahead so that everything follows one coherent narrative or idea, the thought of completely winging it and seeing what comes out seems a lot more interesting, and worthwhile, to me. What could come out anyway, other than all I’ve ever pondered and thought of, all I’ve ever experienced, the memories and dreams not only of my present self, but of all the different selves I’ve been throughout my life, not to mention perhaps previous lives if I have ever had any. In a way, this is exactly what I want my blog to reflect, and it ties back to what I’ve been discussing these last few days on here, having multiple interests, and in a way, multiple selves. Maybe not in a personality disorder type of way, maybe, but definitely in a figurative and poetic way that almost feels real. Anyway, my future self will be back with y’all tomorrow to continue this topic, or to move on from it. Who knows? Much love y’all.

Please consider checking out my ambient/trip hop instrumental track ‘comfortably stoned.’ It means a lot to me!