Sometimes we get so caught up in shit that we forget about the things that truly matter most in our lives. Sometimes our hearts hurt from longing, desperately longing for some place other than the present, somewhere other than where we are now, even when things aren’t particularly bad for us. We feel trapped for whatever reason, and it seems there’s just no escape, no matter which way we turn. There is no magical person or thing that can truly understand us and take away our suffering, even if only by understanding and thereby enduring it alongside us to some degree. Our loved ones try their best, but they are their own people, and no matter how close we are to them, they will never be the ones living our lives, so they will never understand us one hundred percent, and vice versa. Most don’t even put much effort into getting to know you anyway. As you grow older and the cold and indifferent nature of the world starts to become more and more apparent to you, you start panicking and spiral into depression, and it’s only natural that you forget to be grateful for what is right in front of you, something which we all possess and that can never be taken away from us. That’s an idea for another day though, a whole other topic in itself. Now, I want to make it clear that I’m not denying anyone’s pain in any way, and I am fully aware that it’s tougher for some people than it might be for others to find a reason to smile, since we are all dealing with very unique circumstances, some more difficult than others, and we all have different temperaments and can withstand different levels of stress. I am not saying you should somehow brainwash yourself into forgetting your problems, or ignore them and fall into escapism and eventual addiction. What I’m talking about is a very specific source of suffering, a source of suffering which can be very hard to put our finger on, but which we often feel very deeply. This suffering is an existential suffering, accompanied by great nostalgia, by a longing for a time and place you haven’t even lived, in this lifetime at least. I am talking about the ‘quiet desperation’ Thoreau spoke of, that Pink Floyd mentioned as well in their song ‘Time’, that melancholy sort of pain that a lot of us experience and suffer from. Sometimes it feels like everything we’ve ever wanted is right in front of our eyes, but there’s something separating us from it, there’s always something in between us and our dreams, as if we are separated from life itself, no more than observers behind a screen. Thoughts race through or brains, and it seems as though they have lives of their own, but we can’t ever catch them in time. They mysteriously come and go as they please, they agitate and then pacify us, and the cycle never ends. We can’t escape our thoughts, our ideas about life and all it has to offer us, but we feel something deep within us, something powerful to the point of being dangerous if not properly handled, something which longs to escape and to do great things, but something that could turn your entire world upside down. Most of us naturally fear it, and we turn away from it. We lead lives of quiet desperation, always wondering what would be the outcome of the alternative option. It would be fine if we resigned ourselves to our normal lives and then proceeded to be extremely grateful for them, and to cherish every moment. What usually happens instead is that we are afraid to chase our dreams and to see where we’ll end up, so we resign ourselves to so-called “normal” lives, but we never truly separate from the image of ourselves we’ve built up in our minds, which includes all the potential we feel like we’ve wasted. The truth is though, that we could wonder forever but we will never know, because the only reality there is is the now, and it’s happening right now. If you want to make plans make them from right now, and be ready for whatever the consequences might be. If you are not ready to make a move, then stay where you are, but also own up to your decisions. Look around, and realize that maybe this is the life you need, the life that works for you, and that there is no need to expect anything different. You have all you need to be happy now, now all you need to do is allow yourself to see it.
If you have a few minutes listen to my instrumental song ‘every breath is a blessing.’ I appreciate you.
rebel eye 