DAY 36 (1000 WORDS, 3rd attempt)


Some days I feel like I can’t find the right inspiration to write from, like I can’t find any solid ground to stand on to make any sort of concrete point. All I really have are my own often contradictory ideas and opinions, which are colored by my own life experiences, my own confusions and my own beliefs, which I wouldn’t want to think are beliefs but I have to be honest about and admit they are. I think beliefs can be really limiting, because once we believe something religiously it becomes easy to shut ourselves off from any other ideas that might contradict our own. On the other hand, it seems like it would be really difficult to live life without any beliefs at all. Obviously there are things we can all tell are or are not a certain way, and it would be absurd not to believe the facts of life just for the sake of being open to new ideas. We all go through life believing certain things, and disbelieving other things, whether we know it or not. Belief gives structure to our lives. I used to think that I wanted to learn about everything, I imagined myself finding mystical truths of the universe while deep into mystical experiences, either induced by heavy meditation or by psychedelics. I even visited a Float Tank downtown a few times, always searching for some trippy meaning to life, as I mentioned yesterday. These days though, it doesn’t seem as fun as I’d expected. The more I spend time thinking about life and the world in its current condition, the more I realize how backwards everything is, how divided everyone is, and how it’s all going according to the plan of higher powers who wish to control us. The worst part of it all is that I often can’t say anything, and this is why I rarely write about this sort of thing, even though I always think I should more often, because I know that I’m part of the problem. I’m contributing to the destruction of our planet just as much as everyone else, because even though I see the problem, and I’m sure many others do as well, I don’t really do much to go against it. Why? I don’t want to make excuses but it really doesn’t seem like there’s much one can do. We’re all dependent on the same things, I need my internet, my music equipment to record and release music, my computer to write on my blog, social media to share my ideas, the customers who call me at work need technical support with their cable issues, some older people crying and obsessing over their TV’s because they have no other company and nothing else to do. Materialism is the religion of the modern world, and we can’t dare say anything about it because we wouldn’t be able to turn back even if we wanted to. It’s sad how disconnected everything and everyone is, and I really think it’s all deliberate. Things get more expensive but people don’t make more money, people can’t keep up, families don’t work because there’s no time to be together, kids go out on their own and end up on drugs due to lack of guidance or simply because they’re following trends and idolizing artists who glorify living like junkies and justify it just because they’re rich. Why is it that kind of music that ends up popular? Probably for the same reason we see alcohol and cigarettes in movies, everything is a business and everything is advertising. The media is also owned and it’s crazy to think that whatever narrative the people with money and power want to promote can be promoted with no problem. People vote but in reality everything is probably manipulated in order to keep people divided and fighting rather than waking up to realize it’s all just a show they’re putting on. So why am I saying all this? Simply because it just came to my mind, just like it often does. I kind of wish I could still feel like I did back in the day, when I didn’t really care about anything other than partying and being reckless and getting high and trying to hook up with girls. At least back then I could have fun, and I don’t recall feeling much anxiety. In a way, although I hate it, I’m kind of thankful for my anxiety now, because it really keeps me from doing a bunch of dumb shit that I know I shouldn’t be doing. I know I wouldn’t really enjoy living how I did back then if I was living it right now, but I guess I just wish things didn’t seem so hopeless. I used to think of the world as a magical place to explore, like some sort of adventure from a movie or a Zelda game, an open world with challenges to beat. It’s hard to hear like that when all you hear about is problems all around the world, knowing I’m already in one of the best places to live makes me even wonder what the point of travelling would even be now, even back to my home country of Honduras which is super dangerous. I feel like I don’t want any problems or even possibility for problems now, I just want guaranteed peace, peace of mind. Well, as I said at the beginning of this post, I have nothing to offer other than my ideas, even when they’re not too positive or optimistic at times. This is just a day in my life, a stage I pass through as I continue living and learning, and if life really is positive deep down, and good, then I’m sure I’ll eventually experience that, because I know it deep within, I know that life and the world are good, even if we haven’t created the best civilization on it, it is our fault, not the world’s, so I’m sure there’s still hope for recovery, so I’ll see where life takes me.

much love

~ rebel eye

1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 64: Being Free of External Opinions.

What does it take, to be free of others opinions, to truly be oneself, yet to remain grounded in reason? What would it feel like, to be able to do everything with complete certainty, with zero insecurity, knowing that we’re not making a grave mistake? What if we knew the way, if we knew each and every step we needed to take? I have a feeling that life would seem just a bit controlled, kind of fake. Should we embrace insecurity, doubt, fear? These things are what keep us alert, but we cant’ give in to either one of them. Nothing can harm us when we are truly grounded, even further beyond than reason, but if we are not, then these things are bound to paralyze us. The way others wish we would live our lives, what society expects of us, what parents or relatives, brothers or significant others want us to do, who they would like us to be. Great expectations which at times we have no desire to even attempt to live up to. Yet the nagging feeling persists, the anxiety, the constant indecision that makes something inside our bellies twist, when we face a big decision. But what if we could embrace it, then we might just be able to use it to our advantage. If we can master fear, if we can truly learn to trust the process of life, then we might just find that we have enough peace of mind, enough motivation, enough concentration, in order to think things through, in order to get things done, in order to see things more clearly. As long as we are drowning in our fears, of events of the past that still manage to haunt us, of future possibilities for tragedy, for chaos. We fear change, we fear death, we fear people and the things they say and do, what they think of us, what they might do to us. What if we were free of all preconceived notions about people and what they might be thinking, what their ulterior motives might be, and about what the world is and how it should be? Could we live healthier lives, would there be less people who can’t cope with the stress of life in modern society? Could there be less mental as well as physical illness? We can’t ever find peace in life and we often wonder why, but most of the time what we’re missing is just honesty, sincerity, the courage to be totally honest with ourselves. We can’t do this because we are terrified of change, especially the positive kind. We are afraid to look within and to face our demons, so we pass the time, and we never bother to even try to understand what life is all about, to wonder about who or what we are as a species, what our collective purpose might be for existing, or what your own individual purpose or mission might be. We want things to be easy, but life isn’t easy. We can’t avoid the hardships of life, we can only prepare for them. This doesn’t mean that life is evil, that the world is a hostile place, but it does mean that we have to remain as aware as possible at all times, that we have to stay alert. We have to keep a constant watch for the evil within ourselves, so that we may practice the necessary self-restraint in order to live a balanced life, in order to allow others to do the same, and to speak nothing but life to whoever we encounter. If we fear the opinions of others, if we fear the possibilities of being ridiculed, of being persecuted, then we cannot speak our minds. If we are not aware of what the truth is, if we do not have a code to live by, if we don’t have the smallest idea of who or what we are or what we stand for, what we agree with or not, what we allow into our lives, then life will carry us this way and that way, into trouble here, into problems there, and we will complain and wonder why it all seems to happen to us. We never stood up for anything in our lives, we never bothered to try, to find a meaning to life, or to create one. We gave up, we gave in to temptation, to laziness, to discouragement, we never bothered to make things make sense, or to find the inherent sense in the events of our lives. Another mistake some people make however, is that they think that are free of others opinions, and they think they are being themselves, but in reality the only reason why they feel free to be themselves is because their identity revolves around being funny or cracking jokes, or doing things that make them popular in the eyes of others, whether those things are correct or not. Such a person often disregards morality and acts in evil ways in order to impress others, or to fit in, or to prove to others how crazy or cool they are. In time, these people start to identify with the image they are attempting to portray, and they start to believe that they truly are that image. If they ever tried to look within themselves and tried to live by the principles they would find in their hearts then they would find it a lot more difficult to be free in the world. The world seldom wants the truth, it often wants only what is comfortable. People want to hear what they want to hear, they want to be distracted, they want to be entertained. Who can be bothered with the truth in this day and age of transitory pleasures? What purpose can the truth serve when all we want is to be comfortable in the lies we’ve fabricated? It’s a sad state to be in, and we all must be honest with ourselves about whether this is the way we are living or not, and if so, then we must each find a way to rise above this mentality.

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 65.

~ Rebel Spirit 

1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 15: What’s the Point of It All?

Sometimes we wonder why we should even try, we awake with this doubt, with its accompanying thoughts and feelings, they hold us down to our comfortable beds, comfortably numb but held down by our own weight. The room’s a mess, the whole house even, for days and weeks on end, for months, time flies and nothing gets done, yet everything happens, every day and night — we just don’t seem to be in control of what happens. It reminds us of our own dissatisfaction with ourselves, with the daily routine, of the resistance within us, that seductive, deceiving demon who thrives off of shaming and ridiculing us for even dreaming of dreaming our dreams at all, not to mention really dreaming them, or drastically turning them into reality. Even if we can beat this devil and stroll triumphantly out of hell, succeeding in our primordial task of completely demolishing resistance and getting started with our sacred journey, even after this moment divine ecstasy of finally beginning, too often we come to find, after a rather short interval of time usually, that results rarely turn out the way we initially planned them, or worse, that things always go wrong! This could go for your day or for any long-term project. It can be applied to life in general, its unexpected and unprecedented. We complain, but that’s how we’ve come to like it, how things ought to be even. But forget it, things always seem to go wrong exclusively for us! We make a fuss, we kick and cuss at the sky, we ask why and we cry like cosmic babies to Father God, or to mother helplessness, but in a frenzy of agony and anger mixed together nonetheless, no matter who we’re kicking and yelling at. We’re really yelling at ourselves though. We recognize our enemy as ourselves, deep down inside all of us do, and this frustrates us more than anything because we’re in denial, we don’t want to get out of our comfort zone and start being who we are meant to be, whether this means a dramatic transformation, or just being in the now, enjoying the day without wishing we were elsewhere, or nowhere. Let’s take a moment to think back. Did we go all the way with it, really go all the way, or did we do things without applying the correct dose of concentration, or without adopting the correct attitude towards the matter? Ideas may float through our mental horizons ceaselessly, but they may not even turn out in any way at all in real life, seeing as how they never get started. Sometimes people are about to make great success in internally defeating resistance, yet outer circumstances may prevent them from making this final ascension. The tragedy of the human condition keeps us cynically inspired with lethargy, with hate and with an attitude of not being able to care less, but which really masks a deep care for the world and its inhabitants, along with a fear for yourself and for anyone you love, fear that they could ever experience such horrors. People are dying all around us, everyone pretending they can hold it together, everyone keeping busy, in a rush, chasing the next thrill, everyone addicted to a chemical, a pill. No one can stop for the moment and be free, without fidgeting with their phone or shaking their leg. Some part of us must remain busy, we must hold an appearance and we must never be vulnerable. We are trying to cover up the truth with massive amounts of lies, and it shows. But who cares if others can tell? Who really cares? They can’t even tell, they themselves being too busy digging into, or covering up, their own problematic psyches just like you are. Is there a meaning to life beyond a high, beyond a trip, beyond a mystical moment of oneness? Is there more to God than a vision of Jesus, or of Buddha, or of a prophet from ancient times? Is there more to life than a vision, more than the petty lies we tell ourselves and each other? Or are these produced in the mind? Could the people who hear voices telling them to kill their families be hearing the same voices that the ancients heard when they passed their sons through fire to please the gods? Could it even be the same voice that commanded Abraham to sacrifice Isaac? Or could these be devils, while this was in fact, the divine voice of God? I don’t lean to either opinion, since I can’t speculate on the matter, but it is definitely strange and disturbing to think about.¬† We wonder what all this evil means, we might even accept that it’s all the suffering of the world comes down to our evil doing, our evil being which is inherent within us all, but we simply can’t accept all the seemingly meaningless cruelty of it all, we can’t come to grips with the bare facts of life. These thoughts can cripple us and resistance comes back in a big way, along with its brother fear and many more cousins who aren’t playing around with your sanity. These little troublemakers might have you questioning things like ‘what’s the use of enjoying our own lives as millions of others suffer?’ As we live, others die, often from unjust causes, from political corruption and murder, but more so from corruptions of the human mind, from a loss of control over one’s own genocidal emotions. One man without the proper restraint on his own destructive emotions is a potential danger to everyone around him and even for many generations to follow him. How are we not guaranteed not to go astray if we are influence by hatred and distrust for life? Self-control is key, both to fighting resistance, and to controlling what we create once we beat it. A word, a deed, a piece of art, or of literature — these are all realities which we bring to life from the creative and collective unconscious. We are all projecting our realities onto any and every external object we come into contact with, we see things and smell things and feel things according to our own specific reality throughout our lifespan on this earth, during this incarnation. We think we all share the same senses, and indeed we do, but truly there are never-ending sets of variations of these senses. But is there more to these senses that we believe we know and trust? I for one think we should all try to answer this question truthfully to ourselves, before we ever decide that life is completely senseless.

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 16.

~ Rebel Spirit