I was never too organized. Actually, just earlier today I realized I posted something on my blog the other day which it turns out I had already posted months ago! Needless to say I’ve now removed the double post. I remember the countless times my mother complained about my clothes scattered all over the floor of my messy room before I left for school, or about my unmade bed. “What’s the hurry? It will only take you two minutes to make your bed!” she complained in Spanish, in her gentle yet pressing voice. Little did she know I was in a hurry since I had a fat joint of some fine BC bud waiting for me, and since I needed to blaze before class I didn’t have two more minutes to waste. I already knew I would be late, it was the norm for me, but I didn’t want to be extremely late either, or rush to finish the jay. I’ve never been too fond of rules or routines, especially of being on time to events I didn’t want to attend, or places I didn’t want to go. In my high school mind, arriving late to class was a rebellious statement of my discontent with being there, since high school seemed to me as a long, tedious and pointless task, a daily routine which I had to endure on an almost daily basis for no real reason. I had no interest whatsoever in growing up to be a practicing mathematician, scientist or historian, and this narrative in my head made me hate every minute of those classes. Looking back at those times from the perspective I hold today, I am inclined to think I should have rather focused in class and learned what I needed to learn in an efficient manner, and with a positive attitude. Instead, I spent almost half of each schoolyear either skipping class or suspended. You might agree with me. I consider myself to be more mature these days, and yet… there is this one idea that gets to me.
It is true that in general, one must always hold a positive attitude towards all forms of learning, and that school is an essential contributor to a young mind’s development in some areas more than others, so I’m not discrediting school or defending my foolish behavior growing up (although school doesn’t necessarily use its time with students as efficiently or wisely as it could). Neither am I attempting to inspire young kids to do the same, in any way, shape or form. However, if I shift the perspective to a personal one and study my specific situation, I wonder: can I ever have a single regret if I like the moment I am currently living? Not just for myself, but the same goes for anyone else. If we like the situation we are currently in then how can we complain about or regret the past that brought us here, to this present moment? For example, if I had done things differently, and things had turned out differently, would I have met the beautiful and amazing wife I have now grown to love so much? After all, the present moment is always a conclusion of all past moments, including all uncomfortable moments, painful moments in which we were victims of our own ignorance. It is true that I do not condone what I did, the times I lied to my parents, the times I made my family suffer, the times I wasted and the troubles I went through during those crazy times. But if I regret a number of events which took place in the past, am I not also regretting, for example, my relationship and marriage with my wife, or anything else that is good in the present, for that matter? After all, I probably wouldn’t have traveled back to Honduras where I met my wife, had it not been for all the trouble I got myself into up in Canada. It’s a curious thought that I believe deserves mention, especially since this extended trip, along with finally living with my beautiful wife, has really helped me to change for the better in tremendous ways.
The mentioned thought shows me that, although each wrong action comes with its own painful effects, there comes a point for the faithful follower of the truth in which everything aligns once again, the soul is back on track, and it becomes evident that all that bad has been used to create good – it was a sacrifice in way, something we had to endure in order to have a clearer perspective Now, a perspective that will probably spare us plenty of trouble in the future, assuming we get one. What we have witnessed is the alchemical process of the universal transmutation taking place in our lives, and it reminds us, without a doubt, that no matter how disorganized we may be, if we seek the truth sincerely, if we seek to reconnect with our spirit, then our path will be realigned by a divine force, since we are all born and destined to shine. This is the reason why I now try to learn from my mistakes, to analyze them without emotion, – without guilt, regret or anxiety – in order to do better in the future. Regret is just a product of desire and guilt, a mixture which is bound to cause extreme anxiety and stress to its vessel since it makes one feel completely powerless against it. There is nothing we can ever do to change the past because the past no longer exists as we do, in the Now, in the present moment. Sometimes we look at the past and reflect, and we wish we would have done a certain thing in a different way, because in retrospect, it would have been perfect that way! Right? Wrong. The present is perfect just the way it is, and so was the past that led up to it. If the past no longer exists, and the future has not yet existed, then it only makes sense to live in the present, to fully immerse oneself in the happenings of life, the constant energetic interplay behind it all. As you live, try not to identify with the ‘you’ from ten minutes ago, with the ‘you’ from a week ago, from five years ago, or from when you were a kid! – that ‘you’ is now dead. Cut the connection! There is only Now, and you can choose to be the best version of yourself right now, without letting any past baggage block your way to the truth that is today! Reconnect with your spirit, with the divine within.
Let your Rebel Spirit resist and remove any remaining baggage that’s holding you back. Any doubt or insecurity you may be experiencing? Recognize it as a toxic element created by you, molded from your past experiences of self-induced trauma. I say self-induced because, although it may be true that someone else wronged you, it is ultimately you who has internalized the pain and fostered it in your soul, nurtured it with your thoughts and emotions, allowed it to inhabit your mind, turned it into the so-called ‘trauma’. Accept that you have been letting anger and resentment run and ruin you. Take the necessary steps to start building yourself back up at once! To be honest, I have always loved the idea of going wherever life takes me, of enduring obstacles and rising victorious, of becoming someone who is truly spontaneous, getting lost in an adventure everywhere I go, surrounded by beautiful scenery, mountains or valleys with endless trails, blissfully heading nowhere, with no worries and no fears about what may come. I guess then that the reason why I’ve never been too organized is because I’ve never placed too much value on living an organized life with everything planned and mapped out. I am amused by the idea of life suddenly changing in a moment, with one experience or one encounter, one adventure – suddenly, a new door opens up, a new opportunity, a new country, a new people, a new culture. From as far back as I can remember I have had this fantasy in my head, and the perfect image of peace to go along with it. Before I realized that all that we have is Now, and began to live in the present moment, I often expressed this fantasy of mine as a desire to have been born in the sixties, in a more revolutionary time, growing up as a part of the hippie generation. My frustration bubbled up into an aggressive rebellion against authority and established rules, and it got me in a lot of senseless trouble as a sense of rage at modern society grew within me.
I’m glad that I can now see that every person is born in his or her right time and place, and we all have our time to awaken. Just like there is a ton of ignorance in the world today, the same was true for back in the sixties and even further back. In fact, the ignorance of war is what sparked the hippie movement and caused it to unite in the first place. It is our duty to get rid of ignorance little by little, each of us doing our part, no matter what moment in history we might be reading this in (assuming my blog posts will survive the test of time and will inspire millions throughout history in the future)! Each of us is a spirit incarnated with a divine purpose to achieve, a purpose which is linked to the specific period of time in history we are living in. I now know why I have always felt the way I’ve felt, compelled to reveal and never to conceal. The truth shall really set you free. The time to wake up is always now, no matter where we may find ourselves. Any pain, any suffering, any perceived evil can be turned into blessing, it can be transmuted and turned to life. Not only can it, but it should, be transformed. That is our purpose on this planet. We are all alchemists. This truth is now readily available to all like never before in history. Take advantage, learn and teach, be the change you wish to see. Let your inner light shine. Don’t live up to the labels and expectations but surpass them in new and creative, innovative ways. Don’t live to fulfill a mission assigned to you by humanity before you were born, don’t live to please every person on your path – instead live to upset everyone with the truth. Live against the rules but live from the divine spirit. Don’t use being a Rebel as an excuse to be a Devil. Get in touch with your inner spirit, let it guide you. At times you may not understand the decision – but run with it regardless! You will understand the vision soon enough. Live according to your intuition, to the Spirit of God dwelling within. If you do this sincerely, I guarantee you cannot go wrong. You are walking in light, and your path will be realigned no matter what mistakes you may make.
So, I encourage you all to live truthfully, sincerely, with integrity. Just as I am currently being inspired to be, I encourage you to be a reformer, a Rebel, a hero – a person with morals and values in this sick society so devoid of spirituality, a person with enough courage and trust in the world and the universe that you can be open and honest with any of your fellow human beings, with no fear of persecution, with no fear of death, with no hostility and no shame – a person whose highest ideal is the search for the truth and the goodness of life, behind the illusion of evil. To all the spiritual seekers, be true to yourself above all, be true to the truth you know is true, to the Absolute Truth – Love, God. Don’t live to look like you have it all planned out or figured out. Be disorganized, let God organize your life instead. Put it all in God’s hands, put frequencies of love out into the atmosphere, appreciate the blessings and allow them to come alive in your life and all around you. Live in Love and learn from Love. Walk with God, trust in God.
~ REBEL SPIRIT ~
“The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord: and he delighteth in his way.”
~ Isaiah 37:23